Offended by cash request

teeni

I am with Vicki on this one, I just dont like the little begging cards, but then I never liked wedding present lists dropping out of invites either.

We have a wedding in a few weeks ( son) thye handed me a little card with a poem on and my future dil said i know you wont like this but i am giving it to you any way. I said as you know i wont like it you wont mind me returning it will you and handed it back.

Why cant people be happy with the surprise , everybody expects to control everything but the whole point of a gift is that it is a surprise that the giver has spent time considering and thinking about.

What thought goes into a cash gift except for worrying about whether the couple will consider it to be enough or others will think you are mean.

I have bought something special i know they will like and it comes with a baby sitting service (me)so they can enjoy it without worrying. If they dont appreciate it then tough, it is my gift to them I decide what i spend my money on, not the receiver of the gift.

trebor21

Well the problem is leaving it for guests to suprise usually means fifty towels, 4 toasters, 6 pot and pan sets, most of which will end up been sold off or given to charity shops, so not exacy what the giver had in mind!

You can come up with something very specific and unique because you are his mum! The rest of guests dont have that luxury!

Errata

The guests can always pretend they know the couple extremely well so they know exactly what to give them. Just like they pretend the match is made in heaven and the couple will never divorce.

teeni

trebor21 wrote: »

Well the problem is leaving it for guests to suprise usually means fifty towels, 4 toasters, 6 pot and pan sets, most of which will end up been sold off or given to charity shops, so not exacy what the giver had in mind!

You can come up with something very specific and unique because you are his mum! The rest of guests dont have that luxury!

So be it if you get 50 towels and 4 toasters, Where does it end, does no one ever give a gift for any occassion any more without having to get the exact requirements off the receiver.

At christmas do you always give cash to children , grandchildren siblings in case you got it wrong, makes for a very exciting christmas morning doesnt it.

What is wrong with saying thank you graciously.

Yes i can come up with something very specific in these circumstances but that is not the point. Asking for cash puts people in a difficult position, the amount they can afford may buy a good present but look miserable compared to other more generous donations so may be the way round it is to have a wishing well sort of affair that people can drop cash in with no one knowing what is given by who rather than a begging letter with the invitation.

pretty cards and verses say in different ways that they only want their guests presence not presents and then go on to ask for cash.
I dont care of i am called out fashioned ( as i was) i think it is simple good manners.

I know they have told me that many of the guests have said they wont give cash and asked for a list they can choose from so they can buy a gift, so i am not the only one who finds the request for cash distastful.

I think we will have to agree to differ on this one as i do understand it is the modern way, but i will never like it.

Skintski

teeni wrote: »

So be it if you get 50 towels and 4 toasters, Where does it end, does no one ever give a gift for any occassion any more without having to get the exact requirements off the receiver.

At christmas do you always give cash to children , grandchildren siblings in case you got it wrong, makes for a very exciting christmas morning doesnt it.

What is wrong with saying thank you graciously.

Yes i can come up with something very specific in these circumstances but that is not the point. Asking for cash puts people in a difficult position, the amount they can afford may buy a good present but look miserable compared to other more generous donations so may be the way round it is to have a wishing well sort of affair that people can drop cash in with no one knowing what is given by who rather than a begging letter with the invitation.

pretty cards and verses say in different ways that they only want their guests presence not presents and then go on to ask for cash.
I dont care of i am called out fashioned ( as i was) i think it is simple good manners.

I know they have told me that many of the guests have said they wont give cash and asked for a list they can choose from so they can buy a gift, so i am not the only one who finds the request for cash distastful.

I think we will have to agree to differ on this one as i do understand it is the modern way, but i will never like it.

Comparing a wedding gift for a couple against giving gifts to children on Xmas day isn't really a good comparison since children usually have no grasp on value or money and they write a list to Santa usually so even then you are presented with a list. Even as an older child we were always asked what we wanted so I see little difference really.

We don't expect to receive gifts or cash but I always expect to have to choose one should we be invited to a wedding, its just the done thing.

teeni

Skintski wrote: »

Comparing a wedding gift for a couple against giving gifts to children on Xmas day isn't really a good comparison since children usually have no grasp on value or money and they write a list to Santa usually so even then you are presented with a list. Even as an older child we were always asked what we wanted so I see little difference really.

We don't expect to receive gifts or cash but I always expect to have to choose one should we be invited to a wedding, its just the done thing.

I understand your point but as i said i will agree to disagree, i would never give cash for any gift and certainly would not expect to be asked, but I do accept times change and these blessed things will continue to arrive with wedding invitations. I think the fact that people cant see the difference between being given a gift and requesting a cash handout shows a sign of the changing times.

I know my future daughter in law has been surprised by the reaction to the cards from many people and now says she wishes she had just given a traditional gift list with the option of cash at the bottom for the few who have not questioned it. The presents have started coming in already from people who will not be able to attend and not one cash present yet so as i said i dont think i am the only one who feels this is not quite right.

sorry if the comparison wasnt quite right but my point being why cant a gift be a surprise no matter what occassion it is for.

Torry_Quine

trebor21 wrote: »

Well the problem is leaving it for guests to suprise usually means fifty towels, 4 toasters, 6 pot and pan sets, most of which will end up been sold off or given to charity shops, so not exacy what the giver had in mind!

You can come up with something very specific and unique because you are his mum! The rest of guests dont have that luxury!

You should gratefully receive what you get!! I didn't have a gift list and actually got no toasters or pan sets but would have been grateful for them. Would have kept some as spares. I did get several towel sets but mostly from neighbours etc who weren't invited so a gift list would have made no difference.

burnoutbabe

really do people actually buy toasters? would be very strange to assume anyone didn;t have a toaster? or no bathtowels?

Errata

burnoutbabe wrote: »

really do people actually buy toasters? would be very strange to assume anyone didn;t have a toaster? or no bathtowels?

Nothing wrong with giving people an upgrade and buying them a £250 Dualit toaster.

Scotsbride

We getting married in september and out of all the guest only 6 out of 70 having asked about what we would like as a gift I sent out an email and have spoken to them that we don't need anything just their company. however we have put together a JL list for those that are insisting and it has a combination of vouchers and items. Perhaps that the way to go for couple who have most things. My brother best man recently asked for contributions to my brother's honeymoon and whilst I don't mind giving vouchers cash etc. I sometimes get offended at the manner in which it is asked. I also know that most people would like to know what exactly they were giving towards ie an experience meal out etc. Honeymoon could be anything from flights to hotels to spending money.