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Pthree

I apologise as no matter how I say this it sounds condescending and I really don't mean to but here I go anyway .........

You're 21 years of age and you obviously have your !!!! together when it comes to financial matters, you are also obviously the grown up in your relationship.

Either:
a) He is total bum who is just to tight to put his hand in his pocket and really doesn't care if you lose money as long as your still paying for him.

b) He is a control freak, and lets be honest here at the moment, you dont "need" him do you? If he left tomorrow you would have your house, your job, your money. Whereas he would have naff all.

c) He might really really hate the house

Which ever it is, he is behaving / has behaved like a spoilt brat and expecting you to lose out because of it.

21... I wish my head was as tightly screwed on as yours is at that age! Don't blow it over someone who doesn't respect you enough to be honest with you.

You know what you would tell a friend to do in the same situation, don't you?

Just out of interest, what is his relationship like with his parents? Major issues or the "golden child"? I would put money on it not being normal.

Good luck
P3

Padstow

Do you think he could be using the house as an exit strategy? Some men can't say a simple, "it's over" Instead they push the boundaries until they are told to leave. Mission accomplished without having to be brave.
Maybe he wanted out before/during the house purchase but felt it had gone too far.

Not making a financial contribution may be part of it. His thinking, "why pay bills when I won't see a return."

paddy's_mum

xoxo2012 wrote: »

1. He now says he doesn't want to loose us so will stay

2.(although) he doesn't want to live there

3. He wants to stay completely bill free - and by this i mean the water gas electricity hes using

1. Oh, my. That's big of him. He's all heart, isn't he?

2. No need to be where you don't want to be. Just Foxtrot Oscar any time.

3. There's a very crude name for this. It's called poncing off someone.

Me? I'd tell him to go off and find something and someone who does suit him since clearly you don't. Gold-digger is a term that doesn't only apply to women.

What I'd give to be in a room with two or three of his exes and all afternoon to chat!!! :rotfl:

mogwai

xoxo2012 wrote: »

I don't think he realizes any of this,

I think he DOES realise everything and his actions sound very very calculating - he is now backtracking his threat to leave as he will lose his (sorry to be harsh) cash cow if he continues to insist.

You need to have a heart to heart with him over your respective financial commitments. If I were you I'd thank him for bringing the situation to my attention and start a discussion on how to fairly make financial living arrangements. Tell him you want to start afresh and do things right. Ask him his thoughts on this.

His reaction and response will be telling.

FBaby

The fact that you are decorating the house to his taste is irrelevant. If won't make him feel more like it is his house, which is what the problem is, hence his reaction.

However, he is acting like a big baby, it's incredible. How can he justify not paying towards the bills??? If things don't move forward with my partner, I might decide to stop making payments towards the mortgage (in the hope that the message of how I feel finally hits home), but it wouldn't come to my mind not to contribute towards the bills. It has nothing to do with the investment in the house, it's to do with what he would have to pay wherever he lived.

Although I sympathise with how he feels about the house, I have no sympathy at all with the way he deals with it. It's as if he resents you for the fact that somehow, you own the house solely, which he hadn't expected, and because he is not happy about it, he thinks it gives him the right to retaliate in a completely childlish and really not attractive way. Surely this must put you off him?

Welshwoofs

xoxo2012 wrote: »

I feel if i sign it over to him without any contribution i am letting myself in for a big mistake - i wouldn't let him sign me as an owner if i hadn't paid my way.

Abosolutely don't put his name on anything!You're not married to this guy and he's contributed squat-all to your property. You're only 21, men will come and go and honestly it's best to get rid of dead-beats early on and move on to better prospects.

Kick him to the kerb - don't waste anymore of your life on him.

Lotus-eater

Pthree wrote: »

Which ever it is, he is behaving / has behaved like a spoilt brat and expecting you to lose out because of it.

21... I wish my head was as tightly screwed on as yours is at that age! Don't blow it over someone who doesn't respect you enough to be honest with you.

This ^

And I can't believe you are putting up with this toddler style tamtrums from a bloke!

I'm pretty sure you will be better off without him, quite whether you have the balls to kick him out and sort yourself out, I'm not sure, I don't think so, he's going to walk over you for years to come.

NeverEnough

Harsh as it sounds, YOU need to lay down the law on this one, you've spent a lot of money on a house, you have tried to be very inclusive to a partner who is basically freeloading off you and pretended he liked the house right up till you bought it. i think he is really jealous and would like you to lose money and end up like him, with nothing to contribute, so you are on an "equal footing".

It honestly sounds alarming- this is very manipulative and cunning behaviiur, emotional blackmail basically. There are so many more potential partners out there.........don't break your heart and end up losing your money and investment for a waste of space / loser like this, tell him he contributes his share of the bills or gets lost. To be honest, I would be telling him to get out now, as I don't think his attitude bodes well for a longterm relationship.

Best wishes and hope you make the right decision for your future and your happiness.

FlacosFloozie

This is a really worrying situation. He's living off you (not paying rent or bills) and suddenly wants to be on the deeds?
Either he's a total control freak and will continue to subject you to emotional abuse or he's having serious financial troubles and was planning to use the house as security.
I'd really advise you to get out now. If not he can rent somewhere and stay over the 2 days you're around. That way he's responsible for his own outgoings and doesn't have to live somewhere he's not happy.
My husband has been a student for years and is now looking for work. My wages have paid for everything the last few years but it has always been our money and our stuff. He has never expressed any issues with it not really being his. When he's earning he'll contribute financially for now its in different ways. Does your partner help with the housework and maintenace? If he was earning regularly would he be prepared to split things 50/50? If not then, I'm sorry, but it really doesn't sound like there's a future for you two.

Yorkie1

You need to be aware of the following facts, OP:

1. You cannot just put him on the deeds. Your mortgage lender won't allow someone to be on the deeds but not on the mortgage.

2. It is not always straightforward to add someone to a mortgage. Particularly if they are self-employed. Your application would be scrutinised very carefully by the lender and, as an earlier poster said, there is absolutely no guarantee whatsoever that it would be granted.

3. If you sell your property less than 6 months after buying it, it is highly unlikley that a buyer will be able to get a mortgage (money laundering regs).

4. In order to let your property out, you need to either get consent to let from your mortgage lender or to convert to a BTL mortgage.

Given that it's only a short time since you moved in, if you asked your lender for CTL, they are highly likely to think that you always intended to let it out - i.e. that your initial application was based on false information - and that you are trying to circumvent the higher interest rates / criteria for a BTL. That may well lead to a refusal for CTL.

Have you looked at BTL mortgage rates? Would you have the necessary equity and rental income, even if you could find a lender who allowed under 25s to have such mortgages?

Edit: Don't even think about letting the property out without the proper mortgage / consent. You will be in breach of your T&Cs, the lenders have increasing ways of finding out people who are trying to get round the system, and your tenant would have some reduced security of tenure.

Edit again: If you have a mortgage with a tie-in period, you also need to consider what your early repayment charge will be for selling the house / changing to a BTL mortgage. It could well be several thousand ££.

5. The reality of being a LL. Have a look at this thread which sets out all the things which you need to consider for BTL.

Are you ready, both emotionally and financially, for the tenant from hell who fails to pay for 7 months / trashes your house / takes months to evict?

Being a LL is not an easy task, particularly if you have no previous experience.

6. Even if he decides he does want to contribute financially, don't accept contributions towards the mortgage. Only limit it to payment for bills etc. That way, he cannot acquire any beneficial rights in the house.

7. Wills. You are now a property owner. It's always wise to have a will, but consider carefully who you wish to inherit should anything happen to you. You are only 21 - do you really want him to inherit this house whilst you are not yet married and he is exerting such pressure on you?

If you do make a will now, it will automatically be revoked on your marriage (unless specifically made in contemplation of an imminent marriage).