..

burnoutbabe

you can definately rent a room in the place, and have a lodger in, without any change in the mortgage, under the rent a room scheme. Would be an attractive rental option with the landlady being away for the weeks.

they would be a far better bet than the !!!!!!!!!!. I'm really not sure, from what you have said, in what he brings to the relationship?

Pollycat

xoxo2012 wrote: »

Its becoming very clear to me the decision i need to make - even if it hurts me for a while.

It's very sad when you get to this stage, but if that is the decision that you feel is right for you (and I think there are very few, if any, posters on here who would disagree with that decision) then be strong and make it.
Don't let him talk you round.

You have the whole of your life in front of you, you have a good career, a house of your own (a dream for many people much older than you) - don't let someone who clearly doesn't value you drag you down.

I would hate for you to be posting on here in a few years' time about this guy who is calling all the shots, contributing nothing to the relationship or finances who has a half-share in your house (even though he's put nothing in).

Before you make the decision, could I suggest that you sit down somewhere quiet and read this thread through all in one go.

See what other posters have said about this guy and read what you yourself have said.

I think it may help to reassure you that you are making the right decision.

Good luck.

HeatherintheHills

xoxo2012 wrote: »

Feeling overwhelmed by my career or the fact i own the house to me isn't justification to cause all the trouble and frankly leave me in this mess, or leave the relationship.

I am the one compromising on everything..... with no return or gesture of him intending to the same. He is only pointing out sooner or later he will leave over this house.

Its becoming very clear to me the decision i need to make - even if it hurts me for a while.

This isn't love.

You may love him now, but your love for him would never survive his behaviour for long, better to bite the bullet now. HE has killed your relationship.

You deserve, and will find, so much better. Time is very much on your side. Brace yourself for a bit of a tough time and lots of tears when you show this waster the door, but hang on to the knowledge that somewhere out there is a wonderful man wondering when you and he are going to meet.

Once the waster is gone, splurge what you can afford on doing the house up the way YOU want it. Paint him out of your life and out of your house.

I'd say be strong but you already are very strong. You know you can do what you have to do. And given the way this guy is messing with your head and your emotions it may not be as painful as you expect it will be. What a relief it will be to not have to worry about what the hell he is playing at any more.

Hold your head up love and do what you have to.

xoxo2012

londonsurrey wrote: »

To be fair, it is love. On your part.
It's painful, but you're being very adult about it. Some people spend years or a lifetime struggling to get to grips with this kind of thing. You really are on the fast track, in a positive way, first financially, now emotionally.

On the plus side, you've inadvertently diversified your property holdings, and now own two houses.

My first property purchase was sold and the gain on that property funded this one, sorry i wasn't very clear. So i now only own this given property which we both currently live in. His rental property is now gone also. Dilemma

xoxo2012

burnoutbabe wrote: »

you can definately rent a room in the place, and have a lodger in, without any change in the mortgage, under the rent a room scheme. Would be an attractive rental option with the landlady being away for the weeks.

they would be a far better bet than the !!!!!!!!!!. I'm really not sure, from what you have said, in what he brings to the relationship?

In all honesty Ive been trying to figure that out myself the past two days.... its unfortunate i care for him greatly but why at the moment i do not know as it seems he brings nothing but problems

xoxo2012

I have had a few issues with him in the past..... problems he has with me and my life, my job etc.... i think mostly that is what is swaying my mind between what i want to do and what i need to do -

i can only see this being a re-occurring problem, i wish it wasn't i really do ive worked so hard to want a future with him and im offering it all, however it never seems good enough.

He says he doesn't want me to change who i am but Ive had too already to a certain extent too keep it going this far, the house is just the icing on the cake.

I was hoping he valued us as much as i did and would see there is no need to take things this far and be this way but he is adamnt he will not live in the house, pay or have anything to do with it, followed by his ''the house will end us'' speech.... i think hes made his mind up without me having to make a decision.

why would anybody stick around knowing he intends to leave whether its tomorrow or in a month, he intends to leave because he has no legal right over the house i wished to create a future in for us. It was meant to be an investment stepping stone until we could save for a better place where we could both contribute..... the house isn't forever, us however well i was hoping we would be. But his responses are showing me to him the lack of ownership for a few years on the house means more.

Thank you everyone for your comments and advice

Padstow

xoxo2012 wrote: »

I make all the meals when im home, i assume he cooks for himself when im at work. Weve been out for dinner maybe twice in the entire relationship - which i have had to convince him to do. Other than that weve had no trips out, no holidays, no cinema or anything like that.

He will clean the cars and clean the house occasionally......

Considering you are away so much, you'd think it would be more like a date each week. Him introducing you to all his "fantastic friends" and going out for supper with them.
This is not how life should be at twenty one! Coming home and cooking for him? You should be in a pub garden having a lovely lunch together.

I take it back then, that he could be looking for a way out, as he's coming across not only as a tightwad, but a leech as well. One thing's for sure. you'll be financially better off if he goes.

Don't worry about about hurting. You have your career and when the time comes, think about joining something like Spice, which is friends, not a dating agency.

Mojisola

xoxo2012 wrote: »

he is adamnt he will not live in the house, pay or have anything to do with it, followed by his ''the house will end us'' speech.... i think hes made his mind up without me having to make a decision.

why would anybody stick around knowing he intends to leave whether its tomorrow or in a month, he intends to leave because he has no legal right over the house

I don't for a moment think he intends to leave. You have always complied with him and done what he wants. He expects you to sell up and he will make sure he is part-owner of the next property. He will stick around as long as you keep being subservient and, when reality kicks in with you, he will walk away with as much capital as he can take to find his next victim.

Padstow

Mojisola wrote: »

I don't for a moment think he intends to leave. You have always complied with him and done what he wants. He expects you to sell up and he will make sure he is part-owner of the next property. He will stick around as long as you keep being subservient and, when reality kicks in with you, he will walk away with as much capital as he can take to find his next victim.

I'm damned if I'd wait for him to leave, or travel home wondering whether he's there or not. Who the Hell does he think he is to tell you he's going at sometime?
He's obviously not for ever, so ask him to be gone by a date to suit you. Is he likely to remove anything that is not his?
Then it's done. A clean wound heals faster.

jayII

I think you're definitely making the right decision. Stay strong and remember that no matter how hard it is to end things, the pain will end eventually and you will be able to move on with your life. We learn the most from difficult experiences and you will come out of this stronger and wiser.

Lean on your family and friends as much as you need to. Good luck for the future honey.