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Welshwoofs

xoxo2012 wrote: »

why would anybody stick around knowing he intends to leave whether its tomorrow or in a month, he intends to leave because he has no legal right over the house i wished to create a future in for us. It was meant to be an investment stepping stone until we could save for a better place where we could both contribute..... the house isn't forever, us however well i was hoping we would be. But his responses are showing me to him the lack of ownership for a few years on the house means more.

Thank you everyone for your comments and advice

I'm just going to repeat what I said before. You're 21!

You are obviously intelligent, self-sufficient and have a great career. You don't need to get yourself shackled down to any man this young...let alone a f-eckless waste of space who obviously wants a chunk of your hard-earned assets without doing a damn thing to contribute.

The fact that he's emotionally blackmailing you into a situation whereby he ends up getting a chunk of what you've saved for says to me that he's simply a con-merchant who thinks that he's got himself a gullible work-horse he can milk until the next option comes along. Do you really want to finance this guy's life?

Apart from anything else, as has been said further up the thread you CAN'T sell now - if you try to you'll lose a packet and there is no way in hell you can rent that place out because you won't get Consent to Let 6 months into the purchase and if you move to a BTL you'll have much higher interest and they'll want a far bigger deposit than for a residential mortgage. And frankly, why would you do any of those things?

Just boot him out - yes it'll hurt, but get in a few tubs of Ben & Jerrys, a few good movies and your friends and believe me, a few weeks down the line you'll be wondering why the hell you ever took up with him in the first place. You're so young and you've got plenty of time to find the decent man you deserve.


Don't delay...don't let him get his hooks into you any further. Pack his damn bags for him and get rid girl!

Padstow

XOXO 2012 said; "problems he has with me and my life, my job etc"

Wow! He likes to knock you back as well then.
Be careful you don't start believing what he says. Taking away your confidence is far more serious than taking your money.

Pollycat

xoxo2012 wrote: »

He says he doesn't want me to change who i am but Ive had too already to a certain extent too keep it going this far, the house is just the icing on the cake.

I don't think he's telling the truth when he says he doesn't want you to change who you are.

He does want you to change who you are - to the person he wants you to be.
A doormat who lets him rule the roost (one of your phrases, I think).
A financial support whilst he messes about working here and there as he feels like it.

I think you've mentioned he doesn't like your career - is that because he doesn't like you being away so much or doesn't like what you do (not sure what it is you do) but if it's the latter reason is it really any of his business (unless of course you're a high class hooker. :rotfl:)

xoxo2012 wrote: »

I was hoping he valued us as much as i did and would see there is no need to take things this far and be this way but he is adamnt he will not live in the house, pay or have anything to do with it, followed by his ''the house will end us'' speech.... i think hes made his mind up without me having to make a decision.

If I were you, I wouldn't allow him to live in your house, use your electricity & gas and not contribute anything financially.

If he is so adamant that he won't live in the house what are his plans for the future?
Have you got that far in discussions?

mrs_sparrow

I have not read all of this, only got to page 2 but why do you not tell him that yes, you are happy to move but this time HE will have to pay for all the finances concerned with the move. That would be the selling fee, stamp duty. mortgaging fees, solicitor fees etc...

If he cannot then you have to query what he wants from you as the next house will be 'yours' on paper as well.

I think that you are young and you have a good job and that you should tell him to leave and when he wants to act like an adult then you'll be able to live together no matter who earns the most or who earns what.

He sounds like a spoiled brat who wants to 'upgrade' his houses like an x-box. He needs to understand all of the finances that are associated with the move and you need to put your foot down and tell him that yes, you will move but that he has to do all of the work selling the house and paying for the move as you paid for it last time.

Then you'll see how quick his legs move!!

ETA: Just how on earth is he going to finance the move he wants anyway?? Obviously he is expecting you to [pay for it, being a joint equal and all. I think he is screwing you over. Sorry. Get his bags packed and tell him to come back when he wants to act like a grown up. And stop financing him, tell him if he wants half then he contributes half. End of!!

Pollycat

mrs_sparrow wrote: »

I have not read all of this, only got to page 2 but why do you not tell him that yes, you are happy to move but this time HE will have to pay for all the finances concerned with the move. That would be the selling fee, stamp duty. mortgaging fees, solicitor fees etc...

If he cannot then you have to query what he wants from you as the next house will be 'yours' on paper as well.

ETA: Just how on earth is he going to finance the move anyway?? I think he is screwing you over. Sorry.

Moving and him paying all the costs won't solve his issue.

He wants his name on the deeds, even though he hasn't paid half (or any percentage at all) of the deposit.

So even if he agrees to pay costs associated with the move, he will still be in exactly the same situation i.e. living in a house that is in the OP's sole name.

I think the OP is already querying what this guy wants from her (answer - her money).

I agree he's screwing her over.

Jinx

I posted on this thread right at the beginning and it seems the consensus continues....

I just wanted to add that if you are going to ask him to leave (rather than wait for it to happen) it might be worth taking some holidays and having a friend stay with you for a few days so that you have some backup as I am sure this free loader will not take any change in the status quo easily!

You are just a year older than my daughter and I hate to think of her in that situation - if you havent confided in your parents then I still think it would be worth doing. If they are anything like you appear they will be lovely, supportive people who will help you with whatever you decide.

Padstow

Jinx wrote: »

I posted on this thread right at the beginning and it seems the consensus continues....

I just wanted to add that if you are going to ask him to leave (rather than wait for it to happen) it might be worth taking some holidays and having a friend stay with you for a few days so that you have some backup as I am sure this free loader will not take any change in the status quo easily!

You are just a year older than my daughter and I hate to think of her in that situation - if you havent confided in your parents then I still think it would be worth doing. If they are anything like you appear they will be lovely, supportive people who will help you with whatever you decide.

Strangely enough Jinx I was just wondering if he has a temper when things don't go his way.
http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=150609.0

Jinx

Padstow wrote: »

Strangely enough Jinx I was just wondering if he has a temper when things don't go his way.
http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=150609.0

Very interesting link Padstow....... I hope the OP has a look.

I bet most of us who posted on this thread suspect he wont give us his 'free' lifestyle half as easily as the OP might think given his dislike for the house. The house thing just appears to be the biggest smokescreen going....

paddy's_mum

xoxo2012 wrote: »

Im in the military

Phew - that's a relief given what Pollycat was halfway thinking in her post number 124! :rotfl:

Levity aside, does your career give you access to professional guidance or counselling? Might that be of use to you during your present turmoil?

I so wish that I could just come along, make you a cuppa and pat your hand. I shall be thinking of you in the coming days.

paddy's_mum

xoxo2012 wrote: »

Hes made it clear to me before he has a fantastic life fantastic friends etc

Oh, good. Then he won't have any problem asking some of them for the use of a spare room for a week or two, or physical help with the moving out of his possessions, or the short-term loan of a few hundred quid to rent a flat of his own, once you stop being his own personal bank.

I'll wager £50 now, to a charity of your choice, that within a few weeks of whenever he departs, you'll hear that this is not out-of-character behaviour for him. He'll have done this kind of thing before.

Have you ever spoken to one of his exes? Met any of his fantastic friends who might know more than he's letting on? Knowing the whole, truthful story might not help your distress now but it sure does, a few weeks or months down the line, when you discover that you've had a lucky escape and can stop beating yourself up about it all.

You're doing well, honestly. :T