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londonsurrey

Please safeguard yourself. Ensure that he is not the beneficiary of any pensions, insurance or assets in the event of anything happening to you. Well, leave him some photos or something if you like.

The man hasn't even proposed, and is already behaving like he deserves to be a kept toy boy. If you were male and had just snagged this gorgeous much younger woman, people would still think you were being taken for a ride, but would concede that they could see why you were acting a little befuddled.

Mojisola

Jinx wrote: »

I just wanted to add that if you are going to ask him to leave (rather than wait for it to happen) it might be worth taking some holidays and having a friend stay with you for a few days so that you have some backup as I am sure this free loader will not take any change in the status quo easily!

Originally Posted by xoxo2012
Im in the military

In that case, you shouldn't have any problem finding a couple of intimidating mates to stay for a couple of days while he clears his stuff out and then change the locks!

faerie~spangles

Don't think I'd be discussing him leaving as he hates the house so much.

I think I'd be coming home with a few work burly colleagues and be moving him and his belongings right out of the house. I certainly would not forewarn him of your intentions.

Seriously if he hates the house that much why doesn't he find somewhere else to live. Oh I just remembered - you are paying for everything.

As for you paying for his food - put a stop to that at once. Only buy food for when you are there.

I also think you really have your head screwed on and know he's a waste of space.

At 21 you should be out partying and having a good time not supporting some limp wet lettuce.

duchy

Have you ever talked about this to any of your male work colleagues ?

Their reaction might be quite illuminating (although you might have to stop them removing him there and then !)

paddy's_mum

Padstow wrote: »

http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=150609.0

Blimey, Padstow. Have you seen the little motto wotsit at the bottom of post number 8 in the thread that you have linked to?

"If you keep having to figure out where you stand with someone, maybe it's time you started walking, instead".

Good advice for many of us but for the OP - well, who could have put it better?

Padstow

paddy's mum, If someone has a NPD it is important as to how you dump them or preferably let them down gently. Their ego is very fragile and they don't suffer humiliation well
Once they have no further use for someone, be it a partner, employees or even adult children, they will go the ends of the Earth to make them suffer if crossed or humiliated, and it will be all the other persons fault as they are blameless.

FBaby

Have you actually asked him why, since he knew exactly what he was getting into (that his name wouldn't be on the deeds etc...), why he has a sudden change of mind? Because surely, you must be wondering (I am!!!). Why would someone be all keen on a decision, aware of all the details, and suddenly, being so angry that they are not prepared to contribute towards any bills even though this was previously agree, and not wanting to stay there.

Unless he has a serious mental health problems, there must have been a trigger, which is it?

To be honest, I still think something isn't right and my gut feeling is that although you might have thought it was all very clear from the start and he understood the situation perfectly, he might not agree with this at all. Such anger is normally fuelled by something specific.

BitterAndTwisted

"Something specific" could mean that although he was fully aware that his employment income was not being used as part of the mortgage application he did not understand that he could not be a joint-owner of the property. He does know that he's not a joint-owner now, and doesn't like it one bit hence the blackmail, but has probably still failed to appreciate or just plain won't accept precisely why . This would explain why he feels justified in refusing to pay anything towards his living there, although that doesn't excuse it one iota.

I'd be going down the road of: "I know you're unhappy about living here, and there's nothing I can do to change that. I'm also very unhappy about the prospect of you continuing to live here without making any contribution towards the joint-expenses so I think it's only fair to both of us that you make concrete plans to live elsewhere. I suggest a fortnight on the outside (and then I'm going to pack your stuff and change the locks if I have to)".

Yorkie1

Sorry to go slightly off-topic, but what's NPD (on the linked thread)?

HeatherintheHills

Yorkie1 wrote: »

Sorry to go slightly off-topic, but what's NPD (on the linked thread)?

Narcissistic personality disorder

And BPD is Borderline personality disorder

I didn't know either.