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he paid his own rent .. and i paid a very large majority of the bills and all the food shopping etc
So he's compliant enough when the boot is on the other foot? He was happy to take ...
he wants nothing to do with this house - therefore he wants to pay nothing ... but totally resists parting with a penny for the bills and food HE consumes. I'm getting a whiff of bulls... or !!!!!dom ...
he wants to stay but that the house will end us if something isnt done about it
The 'something' that he wants done about it is nothing to do with mature decision making, co-operation, partnerships, respect or love. It's all to do with domination, bullying, deceit and, frankly, contempt.
Threats, threats, threats ... OP - there is something very, VERY seriously wrong here and in your heart you know it, don't you?
I feel so bad for you. He is putting your heart and mind through a mincer.
What a pity that he can't see that all this domineering is already a long way down the road to "end us".
He can put a stop to all his unhappiness in one easy move - move out to whoever he can find to give him all that you do at no cost to himself whatever! He's practically prostituting himself within the set-up you currently have and it will be worse the moment he gets his hands on half your property.
Please take today off, go out somewhere (talk to and confide in Mum and Dad, I hope) and don't just sit there being made to wallow in this dreadfully unhappy situation.
You're so young - you have commonsense and industry in buckets and you have your whole life ahead of you. Don't throw it all away on some loveable, plausible, conniving, bullying trickster who isn't fit to clean your shoes.0 -
Perhaps he justs feels overwhelmed as you are 21 and a homeowner with a good career. The house must be worth a lot if you stand to 'loose' a fortune.0
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What's he like in other ways OP? Did he take you out last night and treat you to a slap up meal for instance? Make breakfast this morning?0
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Perhaps he justs feels overwhelmed as you are 21 and a homeowner with a good career. The house must be worth a lot if you stand to 'loose' a fortune.
I'd say that to virtually throw away many thousands of pounds in survey fees, solicitor fees, stamp duty, mortgage fees, moving costs, insurances etc would be classed as a fortune, irrespective of the value of the house itself.
How sweat of you to poynt owt the speling misstake of a disstraught yunge woman whu is wotchin her lyfe goingg down the chubes.
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Stop letting him call all the shots. Tell him you've thought about it and you couldn't cope with it making him so unhappy, so yes, it will be better if he moves out. He chose the house but now he doesn't like it so he won't pay towards anything......please, please tell him to leave.
When I met my husband I had a flat and he still lived at home. As the house we bought was a "project", we kept my flat for a few months so we could do some of the bigger building work without living in a building site. The mortgage for our new home was in his name as I still had a mortgage on the flat. When the house was just about liveable in, we sold the flat, and all of the profits were used to make a kitchen in the new house. The mortgage was still just in his name. The mortgage stayed in his name until I was widowed and the life insurance paid it off, so the house is mine now.
It never bothered me whose name was on the mortgage as it was our home and we'd both put money into it. This is normal. Your boyfriend's behaviour isn't. By the way, I chose our house when my husband was a way at sea. He signed for the mortgage by satellite fax and the first time he saw it was when we picked up the keys because we owned it. He loved the house and was happy here.
Your boyfriend is just a sponger. Pack his stuff and move him out. I know it's hard, but you're worth so much more than putting up with such a misery guts.
To me i can understand his unhappiness but you have experienced yourself i don't think it matters my name is on it - i have every intention of it being our home. I think he is making it far to difficult to even remain a relationship between us. I certainly wont ever purchase a property for the wrong reasons again - Im in the military im rarely home enough to justify purchasing to live alone.
In my eyes he has more than enough entitlement and say so in the house, i would have never stopped him doing anything... i never have tried too.
I have no other option really than to choose myself over this situation..... ill end up a fraction of the person i am with nothing otherwise
Thank you for your kind words!0 -
Perhaps he justs feels overwhelmed as you are 21 and a homeowner with a good career. The house must be worth a lot if you stand to 'loose' a fortune.
I paid a fraction over the property asking price to secure a chain free move - the woman wasn't budging any lower on price. I wouldn't be able to re-sell it for what i paid for it... too much competition on the market in the area over recent months.... the solicitors fees estate agent fees clearing the difference when i have to accept a lower offer...and all the payments in the period of time it takes to sell..... it wouldn't cost me everything but i would walk away severely financially damaged all because he now decides he doesn't like the house he picked or the agreement we made prior to purchase.
My career is something he deffinitley doesn't like but he rules the roost so to speak so i couldn't understand why he would be bothered by my situation for my age - if that makes any sense. Hes made it clear to me before he has a fantastic life fantastic friends etc ... loves the work when he does do it. I have a good job and a house but right now I'm not happy with where my life is...0 -
I haven't seen any indication of him doing anything but freeloading. He wants, wants, wants.
He wants in on the home ownership act. Honestly, if that's the case, surely HE should be the one doing everything to reassure you that he's reliable and able to keep up with his side of the contributions, so that you will consider him a safe bet to go into partnership with?
Instead, he's just demanding that you subsidise him more and more, e.g. electricity bills, etc.
It's very difficult if you're fundamentally honest and fair, to be able to see that the person you love, is nothing like you. But you have to bend your mind to it. Just because your intentions are pure (can't think of another word), doesn't mean that the person you trusted to reciprocate has the same intentions. Certainly financial reciprocity is not something he's shown ANY indication of so far.
Be cold and honest. Would you really want someone like that to be the one you rely on if you're incapacitated, or with a brood of children?0 -
What's he like in other ways OP? Did he take you out last night and treat you to a slap up meal for instance? Make breakfast this morning?
I make all the meals when im home, i assume he cooks for himself when im at work. Weve been out for dinner maybe twice in the entire relationship - which i have had to convince him to do. Other than that weve had no trips out, no holidays, no cinema or anything like that.
He will clean the cars and clean the house occasionally......0 -
Feeling overwhelmed by my career or the fact i own the house to me isn't justification to cause all the trouble and frankly leave me in this mess, or leave the relationship.
I am the one compromising on everything..... with no return or gesture of him intending to the same. He is only pointing out sooner or later he will leave over this house.
Its becoming very clear to me the decision i need to make - even if it hurts me for a while.
This isn't love.0 -
Feeling overwhelmed by my career or the fact i own the house to me isn't justification to cause all the trouble and frankly leave me in this mess, or leave the relationship.
I am the one compromising on everything..... with no return or gesture of him intending to the same. He is only pointing out sooner or later he will leave over this house.
Its becoming very clear to me the decision i need to make - even if it hurts me for a while.
This isn't love.
To be fair, it is love. On your part.
It's painful, but you're being very adult about it. Some people spend years or a lifetime struggling to get to grips with this kind of thing. You really are on the fast track, in a positive way, first financially, now emotionally.
On the plus side, you've inadvertently diversified your property holdings, and now own two houses.0
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