..

barbiedoll

Mmm...he won't discuss his finances, he has no money but can still buy stuff and he wants to move and fast? Are you sure that he isn't in financial trouble and is waiting for the bailiffs to knock on the door? It could also explain why he wants his name on the deeds so badly, it would be security for his current or any future debts. Could also be why he had to move out of the rented property so fast.

If he wants to be joint owner of your property, there's no way the mortgage company will let him on the mortgage without a full investigation of his finances. Putting him on the deeds is a very bad idea, he could walk away with a large chunk of your money! You need to find out a little more about this guy, he does sound a bit tricky. There's no way I would be considering sharing a huge financial commitment with anyone who won't "discuss" money, I'm glad that you seem so sensible on that score at least!

BitterAndTwisted

The more you have described his of attitudes and behaviour the more frightened for you I have become.

He has contributed nothing, allowed you to finance his lifestyle and is now demanding more and more. At the very least you have been and are continuing to be financially abused, and now he's attempting blackmail to get his hands on everything else you have which he hasn't squeezed from you already.

He sounds totally and utterly vile

clearingout

xoxo2012 wrote: »

Maybe that is the case i just find it difficult to accept that he thinks its fair for me to pay both our way.... all the shopping everything all the bills, because he will buy himself expensive clothes, spend money on his cars and i end footing the bill for everything. i just dont think thats him taking this seriously at all.

i understand what you've said about that rarely happening its just if he has all this money to spend on himself why should i go without to pay everything - especially when he now demands i sell the house to please him. If he was at all appreciative of anything i really wouldn't mind but it seems now like he isnt... i don't know if that makes any sense. I also have to pay bills to accommodate myself at work and he knows all this so he knows hes leaving me in a little bit of a sticky situation. all which was discussed between us before i went ahead and did this

just step outside for a moment.....if I wrote this on this forum, what would you say? would you tell me that it was acceptable my partner had a wardrobe of decent clothes whilst I worked hard to pay the mortage, bills and put food on the table?

You're a meal ticket at the moment. A passport to a good quality of life - roof over his head, bills paid, nice clothes in the wardrobe... what's going to happen if you have children together? what happens if you get made redundant? what happens if you get run over by a bus and can't work for a few years?

Mojisola

xoxo2012 wrote: »

ive done everything and changed everything and it seems he is unwilling to contribute or compromise. But will let my entire life and financial situation go down the toilet.

Try to look at it objectively - if you were no longer able to pay all his daily living expenses, would he put his hand in his pocket and start paying out or would he be off to find another meal ticket?

FBaby

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

He didn't want to make the commitment of joint-ownership but I suspect that he assumed he'd be a co-owner in any case and now he's realised that he's not.

Totally agree with this. It sounds like he just took it for granted, rightly or not, and when he realised it wasn't going to happen like that, he decided to sulk.

I do agree too that going into buying a house with someone who won't disclose how much they earn is very worrying. You have to have some financial trust with that person to make such a commitment.

I think you need to be very clear with him from now on and let him know that:
- you are ok to put him on the deeds, but he needs to show you that he pay his part every month and that in light of his changing his mind, he needs to pay (or at least definitely contribute) to the cost this will occur (I don't think it is that much)
- if that is not an option and only moving his, you need to make it clear that the financial penalty is for his to pay
- if he is not happy with this, what does he actually propose that would be fair?

It's one thing to moan, another to actually make suggestions on how to make it better for him, which he doesn't seem to be making so far. I complain that I don't feel at home as things are, but I've made suggestions to my partner so I would feel differently AND agreed to pay for the solicitor costs, so things are very different!

xoxo2012

It all just seems rather convenient for him and i have a funny feeling he really doesn't like the fact he doesn't own so cant control anything to do with the house. If it wasnt for his other bad actions i wouldn't even think having control had anything to do with his attitude towards it all however it seems rather convenient.

FBaby -

I offered to change certain things in the house he doesn't like to make him feel more at home, hes picked the paint colors, decoration the carpets.... really have been trying to make him feel at home. He seems to really not think of any positives or even try to make the situation better, hes surprised me really how he is being over all of this... i appreciate how he feels really do but demanding such drastic action with such affect on us and me seems a little without thought.

He now says he doesn't want to loose us so will stay but wants nothing to do with the house and will continue to be unhappy and hate it and doesn't want to live there - we cant exactly recover from stepping back 20 paces living separate because i work away from home and only get a few nights back from work a week. He wants to stay completely bill free - and by this i mean the water gas electricity hes using while im at work. Mortgage payment i wouldn't expect - but even when i was at his i paid towards utilities because i used them. So he wants to leave now hes going to stay but he will make life difficult because hes had too.... i really don't see why it has to be that way. im willing to compromise.... and Ive already compromised so much.

I don't think he realizes any of this,

xoxo2012

I think i need to take time away from this to really think - obviously the house is an issue....

Just other people have pointed out how he is isn't quite right, may end up in a very bad position. At the moment im constantly down and upset and that really isn't me

jayII

xoxo2012 wrote: »

I think i need to take time away from this to really think - obviously the house is an issue....

Just other people have pointed out how he is isn't quite right, may end up in a very bad position. At the moment im constantly down and upset and that really isn't me

I think that is exactly what you need to do. Spend some relaxing time with someone you trust and feel comfortable with, or some time alone.

He may panic and start making threats, promises or giving you ultimatums if you say you are taking time out. Stick to your guns if he does: you really need some time and distance to reflect on the situation.

BitterAndTwisted

He's going to stay but as long as it costs him nothing and you cover everything. That's very generous of him indeed.

In your position I would be giving him a deadline to save up and find somewhere else to rent on his own. He must have plenty of spare cash if he's managed to contrive having somewhere to live rent and bill-free.

He's using you in the most blatantly outrageous way and I do think he fully realises it it even if you don't or can't accept it right now

spike241

So he wants to move out but he doesn't want to pay the bills he'd have if he did? I'd be kicking him out if it was my house.

Edit: the last post put it much better