..

BitterAndTwisted

I'm finding it hard to think of any cultural backgrounds where it's deemed acceptable for a man to scrounge so blatantly from a woman in this way for so long.

The OP appears to have set the tone rather a long time ago, when she was paying the bills for a property she only stayed in a couple of days a week. Now it's just more of the same with the mortgage-payments on top.

Anyway, I think the OP probably realises what her options are if she doesn't want to continue with things as they currently are, and will continue to be.

paddy's_mum

Eton_Rifle wrote: »

Are you both from the same cultural background?

Eton Rifle - while I agree, in general terms, with what B&T just said, I'd also be interested to hear what it is you 'see' in your mind's eye that makes you ask this question.

Is it something you've come across before, that has a cultural basis?

paddy's_mum

OP - I do hope that you're tuning in.

I'm concerned about you. Are you okay?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

xoxo2012 wrote: »

I have been reading these forums for a few months now whilst trying to deal with some personnel issues however it has now got to the point where i need some honest advice from an outsiders prospective, this is my first time ever writing something like this or seeking advice so please bare with me....

Long story short.... sigh! I am 21 years old and currently living with my partner, i work away from home with my career and before i met him i had a property as a renovation project and lived with my parents on weekends.

As the relationship progressed i began spending all my time at his place (rented accommodation) completed my renovation project and sold my property. Although i stayed at his house i never moved in however i contributed with utility bills, food shopping etc.

We discussed moving as my partners rental term was up - either buying somewhere together or renting. The rental option wasn't working out and after 4 months of looking i decided i would purchase a property for us to have a home.

I have since mortgaged the property in my name and we have been moved in a very short while: my partner now wishes to leave the house and refuses to contribute in anyway towards bills or jobs that need doing in the house.... given that he isn't a joint owner.

I am trying to understand this but I bought the property for us to have a home and to give us a starting point for a future.... he says he simply hates the house because it is nothing to do with him and refuses to stay there. He wants us to stay together though....

I am now completely at a loss of what to do: any home owner out there knows it simply isn't that easy to sell a property and move onto the next especially given Ive barely owned it a few months. He wishes to start again in joint ownership.....

Am i being selfish that i really cannot see the issue here? i have paid for everything that needed doing to the house i asked for nothing from my partner. He lives there everyday as a permanent home whereas i only spend 2 nights a week there. I purchased the property for us to invest in our future.... my partner didn't have the money to jointly buy.

I am now completely devastated as i am left with a choice i don't know how to make... he refuses to live in the house with me as its not his yet i am too now loose a fortune selling it and re-purchasing if i keep my relationship....

sorry for the long winded thread! Really could do with some advice

Thanks

Have you considered that he could be waiting for there to be a large sum of money in the bank, or for the next property to be in both names, so that he can dump you and take half the property value with him?

Jinx

No idea what you are saying Jimmyo....... Are you making a point relevant to the situation?

mrs_sparrow

Jinx wrote: »

No idea what you are saying Jimmyo....... Are you making a point relevant to the situation?

I am sure that it'll be followed by some spam in a few days.

Mrs.W_2

jimmy0 wrote: »

Relationship is a very important in our life. It is very difficult to build a strong Relationship and it is very easy to broke it within a minutes...
There are many kind of relations in our life....which all have their own importance and value..like dating. Parents, Friends and many more...
Friendships between boys and girls are on the peak....
These friendships turns into Dating, online dating or face to face dating, and sometimes these relations changed into gossips, gossip girls. We must secure and take care of our any kind of relationships.

Clever bot.

ETA: OP, stand your ground! When you give your leech his marching orders he'll lay on the emotional blackmail thick and fast. You don't have to give him an answer to every question as it arises. But if you want to deal with being put on the spot make sure he'll have to deal with, "This is at an end, I don't need to answer that."

He'll try to put you through an emotional wringer, but if you hold yourself above that silliness, he can't touch you.

TheConways

Any update here?

Jinx

Bump bump........

krlyr

duchy wrote: »

OP Have you talked with any of your friends about this -or has he eased them out ?

You're twenty one-whether single or in a relationship weekends should be about going out and having fun not staying in or food shopping or doing housework (You haven't said so but I bet you do the lion's share of housework when you're home and he does none or the bare minimum in the week).

Please, please take your life back -find a reliable lodger to free up some of your money for home improvements if you want to but please stop giving room and board for free to this leech !

At 21 I wanted to be staying in and quite enjoyed food shopping, cooking, housework etc. - not ever 21 year old has a desire to be out on the town every weekend. I know your intentions are good but if OP is the 'homely' sort then there should be no pressure to be out raving every weekend just because she's young. I was quite happy staying in most weekends at 21!

Have to agree with all the other sentiments on this thread - there is no compromise on his end at all, and that isn't how a relationship should work. Glad you have "seen the light" - I've always maintained that if someone made an ultimatum to me in a relationship, they would already have made my mind up for me. Relationships should be about discussions and compromises, not "do this or else" and an ultimatum would simply make me jump ship.