..

xoxo2012

Post deleted - I am currently working away from home and have been for most of August sorry for the lack of update. Very grateful for the advice.

There has been no real breakthrough with any decision, i am taking time to myself whilst working away from home to hopefully resolve all thats going on in my mind.

midnightraven3

he feels it isnt "our" home
he is a lodger in your house, that you bought, you paid for, you paid for everything to be done

i dont blame you for wanting to protect what you have
but if you were serious about the relationship, buying together would have suited him more, right now he has no security

i can see both sides really

elona

Sorry to be blunt but sounds like what is his is his - and what is yours is also his.

I would be mortified if my complaining about somewhere meant my DH was losing a lot of money especially if I was insisting on a specified timeline.

Emotional blackmail especially early in a relationship would be setting off warning bells.

Wickedkitten

elona wrote: »

Sorry to be blunt but sounds like what is his is his - and what is yours is also his.

I would be mortified if my complaining about somewhere meant my DH was losing a lot of money especially if I was insisting on a specified timeline.

Emotional blackmail especially early in a relationship would be setting off warning bells.

On the flipside

We discussed moving as my partners rental term was up - either buying somewhere together or renting.

i decided i would purchase a property for us to have a home

I have since mortgaged the property in my name

I bought the property for us to have a home and to give us a starting point for a future

If you are making a decision to buy together, why on earth would you then go out and buy a house in your own name when it should have been a joint decision? To be honest, I can see why he would be put out.

Skintski

Ask him how he intends to purchase a property since you say he does not have the funds. Sounds like he is just feeling a little outdone to be honest because you can afford to buy and he can't. He needs to grow up on this one and realise things are not easy out there and buying houses isn't just a ten minute wonder.

Having said all that, why did you buy a house without his input?

Hmm71

Perhaps you could start by asking yourself, honestly, how you would feel if the situation was reversed. I wouldn't have been at all happy if my husband had gone out and bought a property without any input from me.

xoxo2012

yes you are right at the moment it feels like whats his is his and whats mine is his....

He has always said that everything is ours but recently has reminded me the cars belong to him and the house is mine. He has stated that the house is nothing to do with him therefore he wants to leave. However wants me to sell up and purchase together which really isn't that easy unfortunately - not that i wouldnt purchase together.

The reason for not doing so in the first place was simply my OH didn't have the money and specifically said you purchase it and it will be our home - it seems ours lasted a matter of days.

I realize how he must feel with no security i would feel the same however he has waited until the purchase has finished and we moved in to tell me all of this. The house is a nice house its got every essential we need its a beautiful home the issue of him not owning half is just too much for him it seems, i would never insist he ever moved or attempt to take any of his money except for bills.

i feel im at a major cross roads and yes warning bells are sounding loud and clear unfortunately : ( regardless how much i love my OH i stand to loose a fortune if i choose to keep my relationship all over who owns the house. In 12 months time i intended to have the solicitor make him joint owner he knows this.....

In the state the housing market is at the moment i simply cant just sell it as simply as he thinks,

He cant see my best intentions of the purchase was for our future all be it i am the sole owner.

completely at a loss at the moment - if i try and explain this to him he says i dont care about how he feels he says its making him depressed.

xoxo2012

In response to your appreciated advice -

He viewed every property with me - i purchased the house he said he wanted.

He came to the bank with me the solicitors - his name is on the house insurance everything, bar the physical name on the paperwork we did everything together.

When it came to the point to purchase a property he had no money to deposit on a house, he had no regular income or credit rating given his on off job status, he didn't wish to join accounts and such things. He solely wished to own half but had nothing to offer to contribute -

He said he was happy for me to purchase a house we had both chosen etc only now i have done so he is saying all of this. If i had no money to contribute and he purchased i wouldn't expect to be an owner, i would however be happy having a home with my partner and in the future look to making it a joint thing.

Pollycat

Skintski wrote: »

Having said all that, why did you buy a house without his input?

A question I was going to ask.

Did you discuss this house purchase with him?
Was he happy with the location?
Did he go to see it with you?

If you just decided to buy a house without consulting him - and it sounds like it from this:

xoxo2012 wrote: »

We discussed moving as my partners rental term was up - either buying somewhere together or renting. The rental option wasn't working out and after 4 months of looking i decided i would purchase a property for us to have a home.

then I can totally sympathise with how he feels.

Ok, maybe he doesn't have the money to put towards the deposit but have you made him feel this house is nothing to do with him because it's your money that has paid the deposit?

TBH, your first post comes across very much 'I, I, I,' and 'me, me, me'.

It may be just the way you have written things or it might be an indication of how your are subconciously viewing this relationship.

PasturesNew

You're trying to rush everything .... you're 21. You've managed to let property take over your life - and there's no space for him/us in it at all.

You're trying to have it all, and control it all - and it's not working.

Maybe he's right/wrong for you; or maybe you selected him like you choose property .... and he's feeling dragged along like a capital asset on your balance sheet.

You're not partners in any sense of the word.

You need to separate the property from your relationship and develop each in a compartmentalised way.

He probably feels that your choice of loo roll holder is more important than what he feels/wants.

Maybe he doesn't want the future you seem to have in your head; maybe he wants to be part of building that future and not to have it foisted on him. Maybe you're moving too fast.

One thing's for sure.... carry on like this and it'll be over before Xmas.

adelight

Quite simply he sounds really selfish. You've tried to do something good for you both, maybe not in the completely ideal way but his reaction is just ridiculous. You don't really sound like a couple right now so maybe him moving out and renting on his own but continuing the relationship might be a good thing. Can you leave most of your valuables with your parents and rent rooms out or rent it out mon-fri?