..

burnoutbabe

whitewing wrote: »

I would absolutely hate to live in a house that was owned completely by the person I was in a relationship with, however kind and generous they are.

i have that situation, partner moved into the flat i owned outright. But what other option is there? could move elsewhere and both pay rent but that doesn't make sense financially. So he lives here rent free and uses the rent he would have paid to save towards a deposit to buy a place together. I wouldn't charge him any rent as why should i make a profit out of him and also, i didn't want a boyfriend of (then) 4 months being able to make claims on my property value if we split.

Luckily we are on the same page financially, and he has 2 existing Buy to lets he owns so still has "his security".

Jinx

For me the situation has two options, he moves out and rents and you continue seeing each other and can both stay over at both properties until such time as you want to change this

or

You tell him you see his point and you will sell the house once he has a deposit and settled work history. So if you put down 10k on this house he needs 5k for the next one plus monies towards selling your house and buying the new one.

IMO putting his name on the house now would be financial madness.

You could always add have a financial agreement drawn up between you which could make him feel happier. My partner and I did this when we bought together as we both sold houses but had different profits. We are now married and all bets are off but the principle was sound and it allowed us to discuss fully finances and the future which helped us

Mojisola

xoxo2012 wrote: »

He played a part in the purchase of it right from the start and never said a word. He makes the decisions about everything in the relationship and everything in the house. However its not selfish of me i don't think to be the owner when he couldn't contribute - all be it i understand his feelings of no security.... but id be a mug to put all my money into a house for us with no help and hand him the right to half of all of it, if he paid for half the fair enough. Maybe that makes me selfish i don't know but to me its simply me looking after what i worked for. The offer to jointly purchase was there from the start.

Everything in the house was chosen by him - as long as i had what i thought was a home for us i left everything to him - he was the one who decided what house would be the purchased one.

whitewing wrote: »

I would absolutely hate to live in a house that was owned completely by the person I was in a relationship with, however kind and generous they are.

So, if you were xoxo's OH, what would you have done? Gone along with making all the decisions at every stage, knowing that you were not going to be contributing financially? Said, no, let's keep renting until we can get a joint mortgage?

Dunroamin wrote: »

It sounds to me as if he's trying to make you put him on the deeds so that you're effectively giving him half a property to which he's made neither a practical or financial contribution.

I think you'd be mad to do this so I suggest that he moves out and you go back to a dating rather than living together relationship and keep an eye on his reaction. I think that, when he realises you're no fool, you won't see him for dust!

xoxo - tread very carefully and take Dunroamin's advice on board.

Why do you let him make all the decisions in your relationship? If you've got to the position of buying a house at your age, you've got to have something about you.

How does he behave if you want to do something different to him or say no to something he wants to do? Does he often put you in situations where you have to do what he wants because he makes you feel bad if you don't?

It sounds as if he's forcing you into the position where you have to give him joint ownership of the house otherwise it will be your fault that the relationship breaks down. Stand your ground.

Which is more important to him - staying in a relationship with you or owning half a house?

xoxo2012

Thank you for your responses : )

I can admit i understand this seems to be a male pride issue and i can also understand it mustn't feel nice living in a house your partner solely owns - my intentions were for the best however maybe it was the wrong decision. I struggled for about 4 months trying to find a rental property so felt purchasing was the only real option for us to set up home.

I simply cannot make it a joint ownership without a contribution - if that was available and what he wanted then i would gladly arrange for the deeds to be changed and rectify the problem. Id be simply stupid to do it without it being a equal thing.

He has also said he knows he has taken a risk telling me how he feels - i appreciate he could have bottled it up and continued without me being any wiser.

I have no option if i want him to feel happy and i want our relationship than to leave the property - i just feel deflated and upset that it has got to this point and nothing was said before hand hes admitted he felt like it since he said to put the offer down. I only wish id known sooner because as everyone is aware these days property isn't in a good place and its a lot of money too loose.

I hate to sound money orientated however its a harsh truth that i stand to loose a lot of money from my good intention to please my OH.

lolavix

My OH has our property in his name as I had no deposit, when we move we'll buy joint but tbh it really doesn't bother me. I'm confident I'm our relationship and actually pay more towards the mortgage and bills because I earn more.

I wouldn't sell just because he wants you to, waiting a year before making it joint sounds more than reasonable.

paddy's_mum

While I respect that he is at least levelling with you about his feelings, I also think he's left it way too late to be doing so!

Far, far more worrying than any arguments over who-paid-what and which house or what style of loo roll holder is the underlying intimidation - 'do what I tell you or else I'm leaving' is a threat, not a reasoned, sensible, logical compromise. It sounds neither loving nor kind to my ears.

I'm afraid I'd be letting him carry on with his dummy spitting and leave, if that's what he wishes to do. Look at it this way, OP - exactly why is he so very willing to let you cut your own financial throat while he risks not a penny of his own and you take one more step along the road of submission to his immature and petulant domination?

This is not the way to 'work on' a relationship. What happens in the future if he takes a dislike to your job, your colleagues, your wider family, one of your children ...?

Dunroamin gave you good advice. Disregard it at your peril. What is your parents' opinion?

Good luck.

xoxo2012

burnoutbabe wrote: »

i have that situation, partner moved into the flat i owned outright. But what other option is there? could move elsewhere and both pay rent but that doesn't make sense financially. So he lives here rent free and uses the rent he would have paid to save towards a deposit to buy a place together. I wouldn't charge him any rent as why should i make a profit out of him and also, i didn't want a boyfriend of (then) 4 months being able to make claims on my property value if we split.

Luckily we are on the same page financially, and he has 2 existing Buy to lets he owns so still has "his security".

Thank you burntoutbabe for your comment! There was no other financial option really - rentals would have us because of the pets. I thought it was the best option for both of us - obviously i wasnt expecting him to pay everything like mortgage payments etc - it must be male pride because he still isnt happy and wont be unless the deeds are in both names on a property we live in. simply isnt viable if he doesnt have the funds. Id be shooting myself in the foot with a lot of money.

Mojisola

xoxo2012 wrote: »

I have no option if i want him to feel happy and i want our relationship than to leave the property - i just feel deflated and upset that it has got to this point and nothing was said before hand hes admitted he felt like it since he said to put the offer down. I only wish id known sooner because as everyone is aware these days property isn't in a good place and its a lot of money too loose.

I hate to sound money orientated however its a harsh truth that i stand to loose a lot of money from my good intention to please my OH.

Why is the future of the relationship in your hands? Doesn't he ever compromise?

There are other options. You could look to renting your house out and moving together into rented accommodation. He could move out into a rented flat and you could have a couple of lodgers in to help pay the mortgage. He could accept that it's his fault you are in this situation because he didn't speak up earlier so he can now live with that decision for a couple of years before making a move.

jayII

Could you rent your house out and rent a small flat to live in with your OH? I'd suggest only doing this if he is willing to/can contribute equally.

Alternatively, agree to move if he will cover the costs, then it's up to him to find the money for his 'wants'.

He decided you would buy that house and he is the one who is unhappy with his decision to , so why on earth should you be the one to pay for it.

I may be wrong but he's beginning to sound very, very controlling. Be careful honey.

xoxo2012

Mojisola wrote: »

Which is more important to him - staying in a relationship with you or owning half a house?

This is the only question i have asked him and only because the position were in now and i already now own the property. The house would be difficult to sell or rent out. i am unsure if i can even rent a property at my age last i heard i think you had to be 25.

I guess that is something he needs to decide - he is very much like that in the relationship it is worrying sometimes as i like to think i am a head strong person however would appreciate a happy relationship from both parts with no one really pulling the control. I realize this may sound hypocritical given the situation.

It has caused me to seriously doubt the kind of giving giving person i seem to be - if its take take take from him it isn't healthy.

All our families have been over and all refer to it as our place our home - too up and move i feel would not only cause me financial issues but cause us embarassment to our families - that we cant even live together over a matter of who owns it.