In relationship with a " live for today man "

chirpychick

I am just curious.
You are fed up, frustrated and feel held back by this man. You are planning life as a single Mum by your own admission- do you love him? Do you actually want to be with him? To me it sounds like you don't and I don't think anyone would begrudge you feeling that way but you haven't as far as I can see mentioned your feelings about him. His pros and cons plentiful.

Callie22

Lostinrates, I agree. I live with a 'creative' person (similar-ish field to the OPs partner) but there's no way I could stand it if he had the same attitude as this bloke. My OH makes a (very modest) living from what he does, and the ONLY reason that's happened is because he works extremely hard at his business in every possible moment that he can. If you want to make a career in the creative industries you simply cannot just sit back and expect it to happen, and like 99% of people in these fields you have to accept that at times (especially at the moment) you are going to have to take other work so you can have a roof over your head and food to eat. If you think that you're 'too good' to take any job other than exactly what you want to do, then you're not going to get anywhere. My OH has (and still does) worked in all kinds of jobs, from emptying the bins to scraping roadkill up. He did it because he knows that's the only realistic way to fund his 'real' life.

Of course, it's not at all easy and I won't deny that we haven't had the odd 'why don't you just get a proper job' argument . You do have to be realistic in your relationship. For my OH, his creative life is as much a part of him as breathing and I've had to accept that's going to mean that a) we might never have 'lots' of money, b) we might not ever be as stable as I'd like to be and c) there are jobs he won't do (for example - and this is going to sound really precious - I accept that there are some manual jobs that he can't do because, as a concert level pianist, he can't risk damaging his hands). My OH won't change so it's a case of managing both of our behaviours and expectations. However, he does know that that if he tries to pull the tortured artiste act with me he won't get very far. The success he's had has not given him permission to never wash up again!

I also don't really allow him to make excuses (I realise I probably sound like a cow here but I'm really not , I support what he does because I believe in him and I know how hard he works, but equally I don't allow him to disappear up his own backside ). For example, you don't need £4k to set up a record label. OH has one, which he set up and manages himself to release his work. It's cost him very little, beyond his time - we researched ways he could do it himself and so far, it's paid off. I think too that if you want a career in the music industry you need to be very savvy about your skills, abilities and knowledge. You really can't be lazy and sit back on the laurels you earnt ten years ago. One thing that frustrates me in the music industry generally is the number of people who seem intent on sabotaging their own careers, because they're either too lazy or arrogant to accept that they need to work damn hard. OH knows I won't put up with that ... We both accept that he has to earn enough from his music to justify (most of) the time and money he puts in to it. If it's not earning, it's a hobby, not a career.

MiddyMum

On the whole, the majority of people that have replied on this thread have been really helpful and kind. I really appreciate your support, although I have requested that this thread be locked/deleted now. If I knew that the type of people that frequent MSE would be so rude, when I make posts I dont think I would ever have set this up as this is quite personal stuff. Niavete on my part! Thanks again. I am deleting all my posts on this thread.

NAR

MiddyMum wrote: »

On the whole, the majority of people that have replied on this thread have been really helpful and kind. I really appreciate your support, although I have requested that this thread be locked/deleted now. If I knew that the type of people that frequent MSE would be so rude, when I make posts I dont think I would ever have set this up as this is quite personal stuff. Niavete on my part! Thanks again. I am deleting all my posts on this thread.

Unfortunately MiddyMum the minority on here tend to spoil quite a lot of threads by not answering what OP asked, but just use these boards as an excuse to judge people based on their perceptions and not what the OP has posted. Sorry that you have become the latest victim.

seven-day-weekend

MiddyMum wrote: »

On the whole, the majority of people that have replied on this thread have been really helpful and kind. I really appreciate your support, although I have requested that this thread be locked/deleted now. If I knew that the type of people that frequent MSE would be so rude, when I make posts I dont think I would ever have set this up as this is quite personal stuff. Niavete on my part! Thanks again. I am deleting all my posts on this thread.

What a shame, it was interesting, and I don't actually think people have been rude. Most have been supportive and offered advice.

Oh well, your choice. Hope all goes well.

MiddyMum

It wasnt this thread, for the most part people have been very kind to me about my situation. I really appreciate that, its just everywhere else I decide to post or read. I have had someone use this thread as a means to attack me on another thread of mine. People have been rude to me and I have witnessed rude comments to others. It seems that just because people are making active choicess to be smart with money, it gives them some sort of entitlement over others over the internet. I find it very odd. I am here to learn, but I cant be bothered to wade through all the ego.

FBaby

Was I one of those you qualify as 'rude'? Because I really don't think I was. I just gave you my opinion, which might have not been what you wanted to hear, but that's not what the definition of 'rude' is. Usually it is much more valuable to try to see one's situation through someone's else eyes, try to see how your partner could interpret the situation differently and therefore maybe understand things from a different perspective. If all you wanted was to hear about how wonderful you are and how your partner just doesn't understand you, then I suppose I understand why you would consider anyone not doing so as rude. It is quite annoying though because even if you didn't like what I might have said, I actually took the time to think and write a response which I thought you might find helpful.

FBaby

Oh, not me then

MiddyMum

No it wasnt you at all? I dont know, having a real low day today and I come online and I see people being nasty via the comfort of a computer screen. Fed up.

FBaby

I get it but it is confusing to mention it here because not everyone read every post and won't forceably understand what you are referring to.