In relationship with a " live for today man "

cathryn107

I can't help with the partner problem - I think Tish P's advice is spot on- but if KCL is your first choice, you may be able to obtain suitable student accommodation.

If you look at the intercollegiate halls site (http://www.halls.london.ac.uk/) , you will see that some of them like International Hall have small numbers of studios available for students with children. If you go here (or any hall in the WC1 postcode) you'll be within 20 mins walking distance of KCL and will be living opposite Corams Fields which has excellent play and nursery facilities for children. I lived at IH and studied at KCL years ago and it's a fantastic area.

MiddyMum

Oh thank you so much, I didnt know they offered this.

cathryn107

To add to my earlier post, most of those student halls are in Camden, so you'll be in an area with some of the best state primary schools in London for your daughter. You'll also be on the doorstep of major teaching hospitals like UCH and Great Ormond St for your placement. Camden is also very good in its Council-funded parenting support, and accessing childcare will be easier in central London, and you'll need less of it if you're not commuting long distances.

You can also walk to the West End within 20mins, and when I was a student there if you needed part-time stop-gap jobs like McDonalds or pub and restaurant work, it was in plentiful supply. Your partner could do something like that while looking for creative opportunities in London.

PM me if you need more info. And best of luck.

FBaby

Your partner resents you. He resents you for planning your dream life whilst pressurising him to get a job to just pay the bills. The more he resents it, the more uncooperative he will become. He might be the one upping and going before you do...

eskimo26

Wanted to add a few things, if your partner starts projects but never finishes it's most likely because his confidence is at rock bottom.
During my degree my tutors loved me [absolutely slated everyone else] but i didn't finish projects because i judged myself not good enough, the degree itself was a disaster for me and all my friends on it but that's another story. As a result i've had creative block for years now and am just getting my confidence back.

So most likely he sounds like he has moderate to serious depression and anxiety. Having said that their is only so long YOU should tolerate it before he seeks help for his problems.

I didn't have a hard working partner or beautiful family to motivate me, i was also dealing with a serious disability. His stuck in a big rut and very depressed but ultimately their is only so much you can do...

Also with regards to studying in london i did this and i am always surprised when people say it's expensive! London is colossal it is very easy to find somewhere with reasonable rents without going to far out. In fact we found once you added the obscene cost of transport on top of the rent it wasn't worth going to far out.

In london you'll find ethnic shops with fresh produce that are very cheap, again you won't find this easily outside big cities. Fierce competition ensures london is affordable you just have to know where to go and be sensible!

I find it quite manageable and bear in mind you get a premium on top of students loans for living in london. Also i'm sure your aware but don't forget to check the NHS bursary to see if your eligible. I am hoping to go into OT next year and will be able to do it only because of the bursary as i would not be eligible for a second loan.

Another thing it won't be long before his JSA put him on the work programme and he gets his first taste of their enforced labour programme working in places like poundland, that would be a good turning point to gauge him. If he drops off JSA as a result and expects you to support him run for the hills!

seven-day-weekend

Having read all the way through this, I reckon your husband is a creative and imaginative type who would wither away through suffocation if he ever did do something like a LIDL management training course.

Having said that, he should do something (anything!) to earn some money. In some ways a menial job might be better for him. He can spend his working time remembering how he's only doing it for the money, and imagining how he would put the world to right, he won't have to think about how to do the work or bring it home with him - therefore his free time could be spent concentrating on his music and his other creative bents.

But he needs to see that doing nothing is not an option (also that his 2:2 History degree was merely an interesting way for him to spend three years - it won't get him anywhere in the job market unless he wants to be a History teacher - even then I think you need a 2:1).

And we would all prefer to live in Oxford or Winchester, wouldn't we? Most people can't afford it - certainly not people who won't earn any money!

lostinrates

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Having read all the way through this, I reckon your husband is a creative and imaginative type who would wither away through suffocation if he ever did do something like a LIDL management training course.
!

I disagree.

It depends what sort of success one aims at, but some of the most creatively successful, not commercially successful, people i know or know of are polymaths or have 'serious' money jobs. They might not be nig money jobs, but they can be career jobs. The thing is that 'creativity' is an excuse for many to others and them selves, where as realtiy is a frame for creativity in truth, and working can provide structure to ones time, food for a belly and frankly creative fodder.

Its all very well to be commercially successful and otherwise unemployed (but look how many successful talents (as opposed tojust luck!) are really people with many strings to their bow and who keep busy with projects for work of various types or voluntary commitment.

Having talent and being creative is only a small part of being successful, especially in a world where looks mean more than talent, and things like autotune make talent less 'valued' and where real talent can record sellable or signable quality stuff through a pc in their bedroom.

Having the discipline to adhere to a project, to write,to record to somewhat of a schedule and stay balanced in life are skills which support a creative person, and stop them becoming a wannabe or one hit wonder living a life much like OP's botfriend.

seven-day-weekend

lostinrates wrote: »

I disagree.

It depends what sort of success one aims at, but some of the most creatively successful, not commercially successful, people i know or know of are polymaths or have 'serious' money jobs. They might not be nig money jobs, but they can be career jobs. The thing is that 'creativity' is an excuse for many to others and them selves, where as realtiy is a frame for creativity in truth, and working can provide structure to ones time, food for a belly and frankly creative fodder.

Its all very well to be commercially successful and otherwise unemployed (but look how many successful talents (as opposed tojust luck!) are really people with many strings to their bow and who keep busy with projects for work of various types or voluntary commitment.

Having talent and being creative is only a small part of being successful, especially in a world where looks mean more than talent, and things like autotune make talent less 'valued' and where real talent can record sellable or signable quality stuff through a pc in their bedroom.

Having the discipline to adhere to a project, to write,to record to somewhat of a schedule and stay balanced in life are skills which support a creative person, and stop them becoming a wannabe or one hit wonder living a life much like OP's botfriend.

I agree with you in that he should have a job, I just thought a menial job would earn a crust and allow him the time and energy to indulge his creative spirit.

Nowhere have I suggested that not having a job is an option.

I also agree with you that some people use 'creativity' as an excuse not to do anything, and also have unrealistic expectations of what their 'creations' mean in the employment market. I know a young lady who has a 2:1 in Fine Art and I'm sure she is a talented and creative artist. Why she thinks it qualifies her for any sort of job I have no idea. She makes a living as a self-employed music teacher, and is always dissatisfied that it is not 'creative' enough. But at least she is off her backside and earning a living.

Some people, including the OP's husband, need to be far more realistic.

Mojisola

lostinrates wrote: »

Having talent and being creative is only a small part of being successful, especially in a world where looks mean more than talent, and things like autotune make talent less 'valued' and where real talent can record sellable or signable quality stuff through a pc in their bedroom.

Having the discipline to adhere to a project, to write,to record to somewhat of a schedule and stay balanced in life are skills which support a creative person, and stop them becoming a wannabe or one hit wonder living a life much like OP's botfriend.

This is so true. Read interviews with successful, creative people - they almost all had to work at all sorts of jobs while they honed their skills and, once they made the big time, they only stayed there because they worked hard at it.

seven-day-weekend

Mojisola wrote: »

This is so true. Read interviews with successful, creative people - they almost all had to work at all sorts of jobs while they honed their skills and, once they made the big time, they only stayed there because they worked hard at it.

I thought that was what I said? Get a job, any job?