In relationship with a " live for today man "

MiddyMum

Deleted, this was a bad idea.

NAR

Do you really need us to tell you to dump him? He will never change and he has you as a trophy g/f.

BitterAndTwisted

Free yourself from him now while you can. From what you have described he's going to be an albatross around your neck forever.

balletshoes

He's a layabout. A nice caring Dad, but still a layabout who doesn't seem remotely interested in pulling his weight in your relationship and your family.

Do I think you'll resent him in future? Yes (I think you already resent him a little).

No-one has to live a specific life - you have choices. Your choices have to be built on what you see/actions (or inactions) and not on words.

fluffnutter

He can still be a great dad to your daughter even if you split up. It's not a reason for staying together, it's an excuse for inactivity on your part. You're way too young to settle for all this.

Mojisola

MiddyMum wrote: »

I am now wondering whether in 6 years to come, I will start to resent him when I am working all the hours god send to save, pay the bills, put money away for my daughter, save an entire house deposit by myself, while he pontificates about how society is all wrong, as we have to work to pay our way etc etc. Yet, he would just simply move into our brand new house. without contributing anything towards it.

Honestly? It won't take six years for the resentment to start!

Lastly, my fiance has expensive taste. He likes Jamie's Italian, nice wine, nice food, but doesnt want to work for it.

Without you supporting him, he'd have to grow up. Work and have nice things or do without them.

I can see myself working like a dog for the next 5 years, and him doing nothing. Can I really live like this,

No!

do I just accept it because he is a good father to Abigail and is an attentive man everywhere else? Am I wanting too much?

Of course you're not.

And I'd be reconsidering about how good a father he can be. Think of the good things you've learned from your father. Do you want your daughter to go into her adult life copying her father and his ways?

MiddyMum

Fluffnutter & Mojisola - Thank you for
replying, my last post crossed over with yours..

Nan63

You sound like a young woman who wants to go far in this life and is willing to work for it. You are thinking of not only your future but that of your daughter's too.

He will not change, not now not ever....I think you know what you need to do.

Good luck x

fannyanna

He's not a live for the day type - he's lazy and isn't prepared to shoulder any responsibilities.

Yes, you will resent him in the future.

SailorSam

I imagine more couples split up 'cos of differences in their attitude to money than do 'cos one of them finds a bit on the side. Money is that important an issue i think you both need to agree on it.
Dump him.

VestanPance

Taking three years out to avoid working is crazy. Doing a course you have an interest in and only getting a 2:2 either points at being lazy, or academically poor.

A history degree isn't going to lead to jobs offers. In fact all any degree does is buy you a lottery ticket in the job market. There are thousands of graduates each year. Many with degrees relevant to the filed they wish to enter and even that does not promise good job prospects.

He's 38 and has a family. Now that alone would motivate most guys to buckle down and reconsider what matters in life. He should be applying for any graduate position and understand that despite his age he's in the same boat as a 21 year old. He's a new graduate, nothing more.

He's living in a dream world if he thinks his 2:2 history degree is going to see him walking into some high paid position. If he can get any job then he can get experience, apply himself and work his way up if he tries. Just like everyone else has to do.