In relationship with a " live for today man "

balletshoes

MiddyMum wrote: »

The fact of the matter is, he just doesnt want to work really.

So, knowing that, you now need to decide if thats acceptable to you.

balletshoes

MiddyMum wrote: »

But I literally have no one and he knows that. My dad passed away when I was 18. My little girl only sees me and him.

you can change that situation though, if you really want to.
If there really is no other family that you have/want in your life, you can enroll in toddler groups, just you and your little girl, take her swimming etc etc, you'll meet other parents (including single parents) that way. In a few short years she'll be at school, and theres potential for getting involved there as a parent too, widening both your and her social circles.

Nan63

Picture yourself in 10 years time coming onto the MSE boards and telling us about your partner who hasn't worked in over 10 years because he is too stuck up his own backside to get a job to help support his family and how your hopes and dreams have been shattered....

Life can be hard on your own but you know what? You will be OK, yes it may be tough for a while but you will be OK. And why do I think this? Look at your first post again and see what plans you have for your future. You will move on and adapt and change and I feel sure you will make a successful life for yourself.

Believe in yourself MiddyMum, don't let yourself (and your daughter) be dragged down by a lazy, selfish parasite.

Mojisola

MiddyMum wrote: »

He was always disputing the lecturers comments on assignments and rarely made appointments to go over his work. He does come across as a know it all sometimes.

The fact of the matter is, he just doesnt want to work really.[/FONT]

Just who does he think is going to employ him with an attitude like that?

byjimini

The first step to change is admission. You need to take what you've said on here and say it to him, face to face. He needs to get it into his head that living beyond his means will ruin the family.

If he doesn't, well then maybe you both need to go your own way, but that's for you and only you to decide, not an internet forum.

londonsurrey

He is the father of your child. That remains true, no matter what.

How much he chooses to do towards the family's fortunes, be it doing things around the house, caring for the child, bringing in money, are separate issues.

So if you're decide to go up north and do your degree, it sounds like he's got nothing particularly tying him down here. If he objects, well, that's his call, not yours.

If you do decide to call it a day with him, as I said, he remains your child's father, and again, it's his call how much he puts into that. There's absolutely no reason why he can't continue to be a good father if he chooses to.

YoungBaker

MiddyMum wrote: »

Ok..thank you for replying. He has always worked before but I wouldnt say he has done back breaking work. My dad was a professional builder, would be out on the building site 15 hours a day, building houses from scratch in the snow. I worry that I have a high opinion of what " hard work " is. I know that not everyne could be like my dad, but he is always tired...but he doesnt work. Dont get me wrong, he has worked all his life apart from when he did his degree, and even worked two jobs at one point but now he seems to be uninterested. He says it worries him what job he will have to do. I even reccomended the Lidl graduate scheme, they accept people with 2:2, but he looked at me in disgust when I suggested it. He said " great 3 years at uni, and you want me to work in Lidl" I dont look at it that way, IMO their graduate program is brilliant! And they pay well, so whats the problem. He would rather earn nothing than the 30K they are offering. Dont understand it..although he has been very successful in the past, had his own record label, had a top 40 single in the charts, so I guess he think supermarket work is beneath him. I feel really down.

Only thing I want to add is that if he thinks the lidl graduate scheme is beneath him he seriously needs to start rethinking his idea on what sort of job is actually good enough for him.

The Lidl graduate programme is actually one of the best in this country, with a starting salary for graduates at 40k + company car, laptop, phone + other benefits, whilst ongoing CPD training.

The joke of it is, he probably wouldn't even get the job despite thinking he is so above it - the competition for the programme is hugely fierce.

Limana68

OP
Your fella sounds just like my brother did 12 yrs ago..........his then gf is now happily married with 2 kids - hes now 50, no job, no girlfriend, and addicted to weed.
But of course its not his fault, its lack of jobs etc etc etc...........there is always some excuse.

Why dont you print off and show your other half your initial post, as I think your feelings are pretty clear there and I think he needs to get the sharp shock treatment or he will lose you.

rpc

al_1232 wrote: »

The Lidl graduate programme is actually one of the best in this country, with a starting salary for graduates at 40k + company car, laptop, phone + other benefits, whilst ongoing CPD training.

And is f***ing hard work. That may be why it is 'beneath' him.

VestanPance

MiddyMum wrote: »

Vestan see thats the problem, he thinks he will be up against 21 year olds with 2:1's whereas he is 38 with a 2:2 and not amazing work experience on his CV. Record label, hotel work, book shop for 5 years etc etc. He says that he is " f'd it up " but he is very head strong. He was always disputing the lecturers comments on assignments and rarely made appointments to go over his work. He does come across as a know it all sometimes...I am now fed up of him moaning about his classification when he would be watching films on his laptop instead of studying. He said he is not a " corporate " sort of person so he will never be in banking, he doesn't want to do anymore retail, he doesn't want any supermarket jobs. He is not interested in altruistic type jobs either. He applied for a musuem job but he got turned down. He was considering doing another degree, he got all excited about it until he found out he couldnt get anymore funding. The fact of the matter is, he just doesnt want to work really.

He needs a severe reality check.

There may be an element of truth that in some jobs a 38 year old graduate would be looked on less favourably than a 21 year old, but then the reverse is also true. Some places would welcome someone more "mature" and with greater life experience. Unless he applies he'll never find out.

Also very few of us ever get to pick the place or type of job we want to work in, particularly when you are in his position of really just starting out again. Unless you are extremely lucky, or have contacts you start at the bottom, gain experience and work your way up and use that experience to open new job opportunities.

I've come across folk with the I won't work in x or work for a boss younger than me etc and without fail they all end up in no-mans land, while those that got on with things in time can end up working in the sort of places they wanted.