In relationship with a " live for today man "

londonsurrey

You can't make him hungry for it. He'll have to get that for himself.

I listened to an interview with a new bestselling author. She described how, as she was working with the publisher, she moved down to London to be closer. It took over a year for it to be polished and her to get the big money.

One day, during this "wait" period, her editor went to a restaurant, and was most surprised to see her there. She was the waitress. Well, she had to eat! So between the "hello"s, she was saying things like "This is your menu", etc, which the editor found a bit odd, but the author took in her stride, as this is just what you had to do before the big bucks hit.

Tish_P

If he really is the creative type who wouldn't suit a 9-to-5, keeping on recommending graduate training schemes isn't going to get you any further than it already has. But can you meet him somewhere in the middle? Perhaps he could earn at least some money teaching music, or playing at weddings or whatever (I don't know what his precise skills are of course)? It would be an unsteady source of income but better than nothing and might give him a bit of confidence back. I have friends who work like this - she brings in a steady income and he supplements it with occasional gigs etc.

I can see why you're frustrated, and again, if you've gotta go, you gotta go. However, from his perspective, someone who knew waht he was like, and fell in love with him for his creativity and free-and-easy ways, is now suddenly stomping on his dreams and trying to nag him into a career in supermarket management. There's a lot of room for compromise if it's what you both want to do.

VestanPance

londonsurrey wrote: »

I listened to an interview with a new bestselling author. She described how, as she was working with the publisher, she moved down to London to be closer. It took over a year for it to be polished and her to get the big money.

Rookie mistake. You really don't need to polish books!

Roberta1

Elvisia wrote: »

You are enabling his behaviour by not letting him suffer the consequences of his actions

What a very wise thing to say, and could be applied to so many situations!

marshmallowkisses

I felt so sad for you reading this. I really think that by the sounds of it, you know what you should do, to save yourself and make a successful future for yourself and your daughter, however, you need some guidance as to the best way to do this.

I really do hope you make a sensible decision, or even make a threat to him that if he doesn't change, he may lose you - harsh, but I feel that you need to do it, to look after yourself.

Mojisola

MiddyMum wrote: »

It just seems everything he wants to do, he finds a reason to stop himself doing it.

This is the crux of his problem. There is nothing you can do to change him - he has to see what his problem is and be willing to work at changing his way of thinking.

lostinrates

MiddyMum wrote: »

Thank you for the replies,

Yes I have friends that I speak too about this, but I guess I prefer this avenue, writing anon ( as sad as it may seem) I just dont like to appear vulnerable to people in real life..thats an insecurity I have though and I know that.

I think today I have just decided that I am going to make my plans as a " single " person, he either bucks up his idea or he ends up being left behind. I am not going to rock the boat too much at the moment as I am applying to 5 unis in a few weeks, I have worked hard and waited so long for this moment and I dont want his nonchalance to overshadow such an important time in my life. He is happy to carry on as normal though, I dont think he realises the extent of my unhappiness at the moment. Or if he does, I think he is hoping I dont mean it. The sad thing is, I do mean it.

He said today, he would probably like to set up his own record label again. To be honest, music is his real talent but again, he will always be on his music software making music but he never finishes a song! A previous failed business has left a sour taste in his mouth, and like someone mentioned on here. He has had a little taste of the high life and now he doesnt want to go back to "normal" sort of jobs. To be honest, I literally cant " place " him in any job apart from the creative sort.. I wont tell you what song he wrote, because I guarantee you will all know what it is and you will be shocked that this is the same man we are talking about! :rotfl:He will need a good 4k to get set that sort of thing set up again at a minimum, so he is going to need work to save that, but then he doesnt save?! So god knows what he is going to do. He also says he wants to see the world, but that costs too. Today, I was laughing when he said that, because businesses, holidays etc all cost money, and working and saving will only get you those things.

I am happy to continue with my plans, I know that my work ethic will see me ok in the end. I just need to hold onto that.

To put this comment in perspective i used to work in the music industry, as did my husband (musicians) and my husband produces the occasional album.

Is it possible for him to seek a collaboration with someone, preferably someone with the set up he can use. Many many people have professional set ups they use for practically amateur use, and would love to 'piggy back' on talent for the kudos of being involved. Not having the equipment is never the reason for lack of follow up success ime.

londonsurrey

VestanPance wrote: »

Rookie mistake. You really don't need to polish books!

Maybe the terminology is incorrect. Whatever they did, it was the right thing, as she's now hit the big time with that first book, with subsequent books doing as well as that one.

Tish_P

MiddyMum wrote: »

It just seems everything he wants to do, he finds a reason to stop himself doing it. He considered doing the graduate conversion in psychology as he has an interest in forensics, but yet again he talked himself out of it. Ive ran out of ideas...

If you wanted to give it one last chance (again, it's an if, nobody has to stay in a relationship that makes them miserable), that might be a handle on how. You could say "I don't mind what you do, but you have one month to start doing something that makes our life better, and I don't care whether that's starting a business or furthering your education or redecorating the house or starting work with a music charity or doing X hours childcare a week and growing a vegetable patch..." (delete or amend as appropriate.)

Of course, you know him better than any of us, but if he's like the many clever, amiable layabouts I've known there is a small possibility that a sharp kick in the posterior, and a definite deadline, combined with a lot of options so he doesn't feel trapped, might work. Good luck... you're probably going to need it.

Lotus-eater

londonsurrey wrote: »

Maybe the terminology is incorrect. Whatever they did, it was the right thing, as she's now hit the big time with that first book, with subsequent books doing as well as that one.

The terminology is fine It was a joke.

Your friend isn't E L James is she? :rotfl: