Is this assault?

jellyhead

So, back to my obsessing ... who cleaned up the glass?

Lotus-eater

jellyhead wrote: »

So, back to my obsessing ... who cleaned up the glass?

She did, obviously.

FATBALLZ

Person_one wrote: »

Ah, no thread is complete without 'none of you would care if a woman did this!'.

Although it seems to be missing the 'chop his balls off' response that is the standard advice regarding male transgressors on these boards.

Lotus-eater

HeatherintheHills wrote: »

This is how I feel too. Wake up OP before someone gets badly hurt.

This......... and if it is a baby.....

If.........IF, I had done what he did to his GF, because his baby was crying, Mum would have hit the roof and probably only come down a few years later when I'd sorted myself out.

If my DS (3 atm) had done that, 4th dan black belt or not (he's going to be ) he would be floored and rightly so IMO.

No one is standing up to him. If anything happens to his baby OP, I hope you can live with yourself.
This is the reality of the situation.

Counting_Pennies_2

I have only had a chance to read the front page of this thread, so apologies if I am repeating what others have said.

It sounds to me he has a history of upset. Not being understood?

I would suggest a long course of counselling. That he goes to talk through what troubles him and tries to find a way out of it.

Paying for counselling now will hopefully turn the tide to what he might be heading towards.

No families are perfect, and I think perhaps something has been missed for him to have this much anger in him. It is perfectly possible to turn this around, and he needs understanding to get to the other side.

By no means is his behaviour acceptable, and he needs to be warned that he is not to react like this and if it continues he will not be welcome in the house, but with that would be the insistence that if you have the means he seeks counselling and gets help.

It sounds he lacks the skills to assert himself in the right way, similarly I think it might be necessary to look at the dynamics in the household and see what triggers there might be. Everyone has a part to play in this.

marisco_2

Hootie19 wrote: »

After a stupid argument at the dinner table, my almost 22 year old son threw a temper tantrum, threw a drink over me, smashed the glass on the floor and then stood swearing and shouting for about 15 minutes.

I say it's assault, he says that throwing a drink of water/squash over someone is not assault.

Who is correct?

And if I was to call the police, what would their actions likely be?

If he had behaved like this toward you in a public place then the establishment would most likely have called the police on him. Yes he did assault you and he also emotionally abused you.

When you spoke with him about this incident was there any indication that he was remorseful for his actions? Or just an arrogant indifference to the gravity of what he did to you? It comes across in your post that he couldn't care less about what he did and just seems set to think he did nothing wrong.

At 22 he is a grown man and should treat you with respect. He should also be far more in control of his temper and conduct himself properly. Isnt it about time he left home and stood on his own two feet? The big wide world is going to come as an almighty shock to him isn't it, if this is how he chooses to behave when things dont go his way! Hope you are ok OP.

cottonhead

I think you know his behaviour is unaceptabe and is likely to get him in to serious trouble if it is not curbed soon. Whats to say he wont go off on one one day and end up seriously harming or even killing someone ? That sounds over the top but is easier than you might think. Just takes one episode where he isnt thinking striaght and someone to wind him up about a bigger issue than supper and the end result could be totally devestating. To get so wound up about such a trivial issue makes me think he has anxiety issues and probably a problem with low self esteem. Especially as you said he doenst like talking about himself. If you can I would take him to the GP. He might well have depression - it can manifest itself in this exact way.
Also how does the rest of the family behave to each other ? If you shout or use violence then he will see it as normal behaviour anyway. You need to set an example. If you are experiencing violence you need to address it some how before something terrible happens. The best thing you can do is take action quickly. Nobody wants a violent partner or child or to be violent themselves so dont feel guilty. The bad behaviour is covering up deeper issues I expect. GP's are used to this and will have various ways to help. Try and treat the cause ( by seeing the GP) rather than just calling the police if he is violent. Calling the police is what you do need to do if you feel you are in danger but it wont solve the root cause. You all deserve a happy life so try and take some action sooner rather than later. The easier it is to deal with then as well.

marisco_2

meritaten wrote: »

I posted that because I scared myself welshwoofs, I am not usually a violent person. I do have martial arts training but in 35 of years of marraige hadnt used it before. and as I have the training I was able to ensure that OH wasnt hurt.
But, it bluddy well worked! I am now treated with much more respect! I dont have to suffer OH coming home from the rugby club thinking he can 'wind me up'!
So, if you think by keeping posting about my 'violent' tendencies you are winding me up - you arent.

Just because your husband might not have been physically hurt does not mean the incident left him unscarred. I have suffered both horrifiic physical and emotional abuse. The physical scars and bruises heal in time. The mental and emotional scars never, ever heal.

Yet here you are on a public forum gloating about how you attacking your husband bluddy well worked. That he now treats you with respect and that you dont have to suffer him winding you up any more.

People like you make me feel physically sick to my stomach. You have no understanding of what you did. I doubt very much your husband respects you. More likely he has shut off from you and barely wants to speak to you. Partly because he likely fears another violent outburst and wants to avoid saying anything that will set you off.

Wickedkitten

Hootie19 wrote: »

Clearing out - yes he is ALWAYS this short tempered. He does this kind of thing all the time. He threw a drink over his sister at the weekend. She was sitting next to her 15 month old baby.

I know he has a lot going at the moment, and I could list hundreds of occasions when he has behaved inappropriately. And the ONLY reason I hold back from calling the police is for the reasons you mentioned above. He was arrested and cautioned when he was about 17 after he hit his dad with a baseball bat, and we called the police again earlier this year when he was having the mother of all tantrums and trashing his bedroom (after not doing well on an XBox game, of all things). I didn't have him arrested on that occasion - just asked the police to have a word, to try and get him to understand how unacceptable his behaviour was.

As always, as soon as he has had his tantrum, it's over and done with and he is very contrite and apologetic. But I know it will happen again, and in all truth I just don't think I can take much more of it.

Even worse when my husband just sits there and does nothing.

You wouldn't be enabling him by not phoning the police because it sounds like you have already been doing that for years.

I know you are saying your husband sits there and does nothing. Has he ever tried to stop him in the past after it has happened?

Macca83_2

I agree with some of the posts that suggests that the ops son may have depression. Whilst this does not excuse his behaviour, it does explain it. It sounds like the op has a very long and hard road ahead of her. Its a tricky line between supporting her son and protecting herself and her family. Something has got to give. Its my own personal opinion that the op needs to make it clear that if her son wishes to stay at the family home then he needs to seek the appropriate medical help. Sometimes with mental health it needs to be explained in the terms of a physical injury. If your leg hurts you'd go see the doctor. If you're not coping with even the most trivial of situations, then you need to go see the doctor. There's no shame in it.