Is this assault?

Hootie19

After a stupid argument at the dinner table, my almost 22 year old son threw a temper tantrum, threw a drink over me, smashed the glass on the floor and then stood swearing and shouting for about 15 minutes.

I say it's assault, he says that throwing a drink of water/squash over someone is not assault.

Who is correct?

And if I was to call the police, what would their actions likely be?

faerie~spangles

Yes it is assault.

angelsmomma

It is assault. Not a temper tantrum.

I have to say that no son of mine would get away with that kind of behaviour, its as if he is 2 not 22

clearingout

Hootie - is he usually so short-tempered? is there anything else going on for him?

I am not sure what the police might do but I would be wary of reporting him in the event that it means he gets a caution or worse still, is prosecuted. Whilst his behaviour was truly awful, is it worth possibly ruining his job prospects for the rest of his life if this was a one-off incident? Is there anyone who can perhaps talk with him and find out why he's so stressed? I say all that, of course, on the understanding that he's not done this before and that it is generally out of character. If it is normal behaviour you perhaps need to think aobut whether or not he has a place in your home.

lilibet1

Why did he behave like this?

Hootie19

Clearing out - yes he is ALWAYS this short tempered. He does this kind of thing all the time. He threw a drink over his sister at the weekend. She was sitting next to her 15 month old baby.

I know he has a lot going at the moment, and I could list hundreds of occasions when he has behaved inappropriately. And the ONLY reason I hold back from calling the police is for the reasons you mentioned above. He was arrested and cautioned when he was about 17 after he hit his dad with a baseball bat, and we called the police again earlier this year when he was having the mother of all tantrums and trashing his bedroom (after not doing well on an XBox game, of all things). I didn't have him arrested on that occasion - just asked the police to have a word, to try and get him to understand how unacceptable his behaviour was.

As always, as soon as he has had his tantrum, it's over and done with and he is very contrite and apologetic. But I know it will happen again, and in all truth I just don't think I can take much more of it.

Even worse when my husband just sits there and does nothing.

Hootie19

lillibit - it was ridiculous. We had fajitas for dinner. We had more or less finished, and he picked some chicken out of the dish with his fingers. His brother (aged 20) tapped him on the arm and said "don't use your fingers". His dad and I said the same, and he flipped out.

That was it.

Macca83_2

Yes its technically assault. If you called the police they would come take a statement, ask you if you want to press charges. If you agreed then your son would be arrested. He would spend the night in the cells with court in the morning. At which they would set a trial date for the future. He would probably not be allowed back into the house until the court case had been held. My personal opinion is not to go down this route. It causes huge heart break to mother and son, to all family members.

meritaten

Hootie19 wrote: »

lillibit - it was ridiculous. We had fajitas for dinner. We had more or less finished, and he picked some chicken out of the dish with his fingers. His brother (aged 20) tapped him on the arm and said "don't use your fingers". His dad and I said the same, and he flipped out.

That was it.

er - do you eat fajitas with a knife and fork? I dont, I use my fingers. if your son, you and your husband all criticised me - I would be angry too.
and you dont see that he may have seen it as you all 'ganging up on him'?

lilibet1

Well they say that young men act 7 yrs their junior til the age of 25! I have a friend whose son was just the same....

clearingout

Hootie19 wrote: »

Clearing out - yes he is ALWAYS this short tempered. He does this kind of thing all the time. He threw a drink over his sister at the weekend. She was sitting next to her 15 month old baby.

I know he has a lot going at the moment, and I could list hundreds of occasions when he has behaved inappropriately. And the ONLY reason I hold back from calling the police is for the reasons you mentioned above. He was arrested and cautioned when he was about 17 after he hit his dad with a baseball bat, and we called the police again earlier this year when he was having the mother of all tantrums and trashing his bedroom (after not doing well on an XBox game, of all things). I didn't have him arrested on that occasion - just asked the police to have a word, to try and get him to understand how unacceptable his behaviour was.

As always, as soon as he has had his tantrum, it's over and done with and he is very contrite and apologetic. But I know it will happen again, and in all truth I just don't think I can take much more of it.

Even worse when my husband just sits there and does nothing.

I wouldn't pretend to understand what might be going on here but if things are as you describe, there is obviously something going on for him that needs to be dealt with. I think as a family you probably have some hard decisions to be made - I would suggest minimally he needs to commit to attending some anger management sessions and to commit to improving his attitude and behaviour at home and for you to see that he is trying. You can't live walking on eggshells. He is a grown man and perhaps needs to make his own way in the world - flatmates certainly wouldn't tolerate this kind of behaviour.