Is this assault?

rachbc

meritaten wrote: »

er - do you eat fajitas with a knife and fork? I dont, I use my fingers. if your son, you and your husband all criticised me - I would be angry too.
and you dont see that he may have seen it as you all 'ganging up on him'?

I et them with my fingers but use a spoon to serve myself from a communal dish and would expect my 5 year old too, let alone another adult. And regardless of being felt ganged up on throwing a drink at your mother is not acceptable.


Anger management sessions might help if he acknowledges he has a problem - if not then I would say time for some tough love - you simply cannot being expected to live with this sort of behaviour and I would be asking him to leave - though not in the heat of an argument

Janepig

I meant to say also, there is a charge of threatening unlawful violence, or putting someone in fear of violence - not sure what the exact wording would be. It may be felt that it would be more appropriate to charge him with something of that nature as opposed to assault.

Jx

Hootie19

clearingout wrote: »

I wouldn't pretend to understand what might be going on here but if things are as you describe, there is obviously something going on for him that needs to be dealt with. I think as a family you probably have some hard decisions to be made - I would suggest minimally he needs to commit to attending some anger management sessions and to commit to improving his attitude and behaviour at home and for you to see that he is trying. You can't live walking on eggshells. He is a grown man and perhaps needs to make his own way in the world - flatmates certainly wouldn't tolerate this kind of behaviour.

He has promised time and again that he will attend anger management. We have been through family therapy when he was a mid-teenager, and he was given individual counselling after this. He used to leave school early to go to the counsellor. Only it turned out that he never actually went.

Earlier this year, after he hit his girlfriend, he went to the GP and asked to be referred for anger management. His girlfriend went with him and said that he was remarkably open with the GP as to the issues he had. He was given an appointment with a counsellor, but said that they rang to cancel on the morning of the appointment, and he has never made another appointment.

I know he has problems. He knows he has problems. But he just seems to lack the motivation to sort them out.

rachbc

Meritaten - interested if you condone him hitting his girlfriend as well as his mother and father - perhaps she deserved it to??

Hootie19

trevorsminted wrote: »

drugs test me thinks oh and bags packed slung out house, in front of babies/children never acceptable, totally unacceptable behaviour!

I am 100% sure that he would not be involved in drugs.

I said to him tonight that I have had enough of this behaviour (our house is trashed from front to back from where he has smashed things while in a tantrum) and that I thought he should leave the home and live somewhere else.

However, on his part time wages, he just cant' see how he can afford to live anywhere else.

I wish he could find somewhere else to live. I fear that if we continue to try and live in this house, we will end up with such a broken relationship that it will never be mended.

Lotus-eater

Hootie19 wrote: »

I know he has problems. He knows he has problems. But he just seems to lack the motivation to sort them out.

Then you have to motivate him to do it.

I wouldn't put up with that behaviour in my house and don't know many who would.

Atm you seem to back down from every thing he does wrong, you and your OH need to be on the same page and you need to spell it out in no uncertain terms, that either this is dealt with or he is out in a month.
Or if he does it again, he's out.

It will be better for him in the long run I hope.

BitterAndTwisted

I wouldn't care whether it was technically assault or not. Whatever the circumstances his behaviour was unacceptable and very worrying indeed

con1888

He sounds like a total A*sehole to be honest and I would be telling him to move out if I were you if this is a regular occurence.

I'm 22 myself and yes I do argue from time to time with parents (less since I have moved out) but I would NEVER throw a drink over them, my parents are quite lenient and I am no angel but that's just not acceptable behaviour.

Does he have ADHD/ADD??

Misstress

Hootie19 wrote: »

Clearing out - yes he is ALWAYS this short tempered. He does this kind of thing all the time. He threw a drink over his sister at the weekend. She was sitting next to her 15 month old baby.

I know he has a lot going at the moment, and I could list hundreds of occasions when he has behaved inappropriately. And the ONLY reason I hold back from calling the police is for the reasons you mentioned above. He was arrested and cautioned when he was about 17 after he hit his dad with a baseball bat, and we called the police again earlier this year when he was having the mother of all tantrums and trashing his bedroom (after not doing well on an XBox game, of all things). I didn't have him arrested on that occasion - just asked the police to have a word, to try and get him to understand how unacceptable his behaviour was.

As always, as soon as he has had his tantrum, it's over and done with and he is very contrite and apologetic. But I know it will happen again, and in all truth I just don't think I can take much more of it.

Even worse when my husband just sits there and does nothing.

Is the above bold the problem? Has he an addiction to computer games? Violent ones?

Lotus-eater

Hootie19 wrote: »

However, on his part time wages, he just cant' see how he can afford to live anywhere else.

To be frank, hard luck chum!

You've put up with this for far too long by the sound of it.