Is this assault?

ciderwithrosie_2

angelsmomma wrote: »

It is assault. Not a temper tantrum.

I have to say that no son of mine would get away with that kind of behaviour, its as if he is 2 not 22

Nor mine! I've got 3 boys - 22, 21 and 17 and if any of them ever behaved like that to me, they'd be slung out the door, big as they are.

However, they know full well which side their bread's buttered, so they wouldn't dare!

blossomhill_2

Hootie19 wrote: »

He has promised time and again that he will attend anger management. We have been through family therapy when he was a mid-teenager, and he was given individual counselling after this. He used to leave school early to go to the counsellor. Only it turned out that he never actually went.

Earlier this year, after he hit his girlfriend, he went to the GP and asked to be referred for anger management. His girlfriend went with him and said that he was remarkably open with the GP as to the issues he had. He was given an appointment with a counsellor, but said that they rang to cancel on the morning of the appointment, and he has never made another appointment.

I know he has problems. He knows he has problems. But he just seems to lack the motivation to sort them out.

If you know all this and as a family have a history of getting outside help (even if it is not followed through) WHY do you need to ask a question on a forum about whether it is assault or not? Ask the people (person/GP) in your support network whether you were assaulted and get their advice on how you should cope if/when assaulted and living with a clearly violent person so you know what to do next time ... because there will be a next time

bossymoo

What an odd thread. Just goes to show how different we all are in what we find acceptable behaviour. After I read the first post, I thought "omg I fear for any future girlfriends with this one" and lo and behold, he has hit his girlfriend too.

OP, it must be awful, he is your son. But maybe it's time to do something about it. Maybe he doesn't know how. But something has to change.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over yet expecting a different result. If you continue "accepting" his behaviour, it will not change.

I find it amazing that the things you've listed seem to be ok with your family? If it were my brother throwing things at me, baby or no baby, I wouldn't go into the same house as him.

And, your oh needs to grow a pair!

luxor4t

Throwing a drink at somebody in a pub/ club / restaurant = assault.
Why is it different in a house?

raven83

*max* wrote: »

Are you for real? He wasn't "punishing" him, he tapped him on the arm and said "don't do that". Oh, and they are 20 and 22 years old, hardly children...I'm starting to get seriously weirded out by some people's responses on here!

It's because we live in a messed up nanny state where even a tap is classed as assult. Well me and my sister, who is older enough to be my mother btw must be regular offenders as we sometimes "tap" each other!:mad::rotfl:

*max*

robpw2 wrote: »

you need to tell the 20 year old this too , sorry janepig but i do not think hitting anyone is acceptable for any reason ,slapping smacking tapping , touching all -assault throwing a drink is not right either but drink is a bit wet- hitting is not acceptable you need to sort out both your children now

raven83 wrote: »

It's because we live in a messed up nanny state where even a tap is classed as assult. Well me and my sister, who is older enough to be my mother btw must be regular offenders as we sometimes "tap" each other!:mad::rotfl:

Never mind tapping, god forbid you ever touch anyone. Touching is now assault you know. :cool:

fishybusiness

He needs help, he needs help, GP's, mental health?

Poor lad, you know people don't stay angry for no reason. It may not be obvious from the outside, if we all could see the family dynamics we may see a different picture.

I wonder what the person concerned would say to all this banter, would he feel a bit more at ease?

Hootie19

Thank you all.

I didn't say I WAS going to report him for assault. Just asked what the police's response was likely to be if I did.

And I wasn't "screaming assault". I asked if what he did would be classed as assault.



I know that I/We are enabling his behaviour by allowing it to continue unchecked, but he IS my son, and I do love him, and I can't bear the thought that I would be the one who caused him to have a criminal record ( and yes, I know, I know, I know - it's his behaviour, and his choice and all that) and affect any future job possibilities.

I worry about him endlessly - I always have done. He seems unable to form/maintain relationships, either friendships or personal relationships. His current girlfriend lives almost 200 miles away, and there has been talk of them moving in together. They have a six month old baby, which my son didn't want, but after she decided she wanted to keep it, he has tried really hard to bond with him and be a good dad. Very hard when they hardly see each other.

As I said, they were talking about moving in together, but I think this would be absolutely disastrous, as I am terrified that my son would harm the baby if he lost his rag. As I said, he has already hit his girlfriend when he lost his temper when the baby wouldn't stop crying.


Jeez - I work in Children's Services and I know all about DV and how it keeps happening again and again within families. I know this. So why can't I bring myself to do something about my own situation.

My son was diagnosed with ADD at about 9 years old. I think I have always felt guilty about this (although I know that in reality, it's not my fault) and I have probably made excuses for him because of it. Of course I know now, and probably knew back then, that it wasn't the right thing to do, but I just didn't know what to do for the best. I wasn't using the internet then, so I didn't have places like this to come for advice. (I have no family of my own and none of my friends had children at the same time as me, so nowhere to go to for advice.)

Thank you to those of you who have replied (well, most of you). After he'd calmed down tonight, he did talk to me - probably more than he's ever done, as he hates talking about himself - and asked me, if he does make plans to move out, would I help him. I said I didn't know if I could be of any particular help, but that I would do all I could to support him.

I hope we can find a solution.

And yes, I do think he suffers from depression. But getting him to see that may be a whole other problem.

Person_one

FATBALLZ wrote: »

Put it this way, if this was a girl who had thrown a glass of water, nobody on here would think anything of it.

Ah, no thread is complete without 'none of you would care if a woman did this!'.

Janepig

meritaten wrote: »

What is your take on this Jane? for a trivial family row over 'picking up chicken with fingers'? you have seen more than your share of family disputes I would say - is this assault? really? would you make an arrest?

I don't think it's an acceptable reaction to a "trivial family row" if that's what you want to describe it as. Maybe, just maybe, if the son was Mr Mild Mannered and this was the first time it had happened, then possibly it's at the lower end of the scale, but the history of domestic abuse at this address is what would ring alarm bells to me. You can't really, imo, take something like this in isolation. Without being challenged, this behaviour will only get worse. Also, there's no knowing what goes on behind closed doors, so we will never know what the family dynamic is in terms of being a trigger. However, imo, violence is never justified, whoever it's towards. It's rare, to never, that you will see a DV case in Court that's a first timer, never done it before. As I said, a phone call to the local DV unit usually shows up a number of calls to that address.

Yorkie1 wrote: »

Firstly, the charge you refer to is not available in the house. Secondly, what he's done is domestic assault, pure and simple. Don't dilute the impact both now and in the future by calling it something more 'socially acceptable'.

That's why I wasn't sure if it was available. I assumed that a section 4/5 public order act offence was only applicable in public, but wasn't sure if there was an alternative which could be used here. I wasn't in any way diluting the impact. Our local CPS charge everything lower than it should be - one of the Court Clerks/Legal Advisers where I work recently asked a prosecutor in Court if they were aware that ABH was still available, as you have to half kill someone before the local CPS will charge anything above a common assault. There have been some shockers lately.

Jx