Is this assault?

raven83

*max* wrote: »

Never mind tapping, god forbid you ever touch anyone. Touching is now assault you know. :cool:

I know, it's a joke. What about when you give someone a hug and you squeeze then tight maybe a bit too tight? or you then pinch their cheeks affectionately? Is that assult? Blimey arrest me know :eek:

Janepig

Person_one wrote: »

Ah, no thread is complete without 'none of you would care if a woman did this!'.

It's true though.

Jx

Person_one

Janepig wrote: »

It's true though.

Jx

Seriously? You think if the OP had posted that her 22 year old daughter had thrown water over her and smashed a glass we'd all be agreeing with meritaten?

Lotus-eater

Hootie19 wrote: »

As I said, he has already hit his girlfriend when he lost his temper when the baby wouldn't stop crying.

:eek: It gets worse and worse.


Listen lady, why have you stood by while this has been going on? How can you live with someone like that, son or not?

I am truly horrified.

Yorkie1

Hootie19 wrote: »

Thank you all.

I didn't say I WAS going to report him for assault. Just asked what the police's response was likely to be if I did.

And I wasn't "screaming assault". I asked if what he did would be classed as assault.

I know that I/We are enabling his behaviour by allowing it to continue unchecked, but he IS my son, and I do love him, and I can't bear the thought that I would be the one who caused him to have a criminal record ( and yes, I know, I know, I know - it's his behaviour, and his choice and all that) and affect any future job possibilities.

I worry about him endlessly - I always have done. He seems unable to form/maintain relationships, either friendships or personal relationships. His current girlfriend lives almost 200 miles away, and there has been talk of them moving in together. They have a six month old baby, which my son didn't want, but after she decided she wanted to keep it, he has tried really hard to bond with him and be a good dad. Very hard when they hardly see each other.

As I said, they were talking about moving in together, but I think this would be absolutely disastrous, as I am terrified that my son would harm the baby if he lost his rag. As I said, he has already hit his girlfriend when he lost his temper when the baby wouldn't stop crying.

Jeez - I work in Children's Services and I know all about DV and how it keeps happening again and again within families. I know this. So why can't I bring myself to do something about my own situation.

My son was diagnosed with ADD at about 9 years old. I think I have always felt guilty about this (although I know that in reality, it's not my fault) and I have probably made excuses for him because of it. Of course I know now, and probably knew back then, that it wasn't the right thing to do, but I just didn't know what to do for the best. I wasn't using the internet then, so I didn't have places like this to come for advice. (I have no family of my own and none of my friends had children at the same time as me, so nowhere to go to for advice.)

Thank you to those of you who have replied (well, most of you). After he'd calmed down tonight, he did talk to me - probably more than he's ever done, as he hates talking about himself - and asked me, if he does make plans to move out, would I help him. I said I didn't know if I could be of any particular help, but that I would do all I could to support him.

I hope we can find a solution.

And yes, I do think he suffers from depression. But getting him to see that may be a whole other problem.

I know you've recognised this in your post, but I just wanted to highlight the bit I've put in bold.

You will not be responsible for his criminal record. Your son is, through the choices he's made.

If the xbox is the problem, he chooses to continue using it.

He had the oppportunity to get help through the GP, but he chose not to accept it.

He has previously been spoken to by the police, and chosen to continue acting in the same way.

He has assaulted 4 different people at different times yet chooses to continue to act in the same way rather than follow through on getting help.

I really do appreciate that you love him and want to support him, but do you really think that helping him to move out without addressing any of his criminal behaviour is sufficient? What line does he have to cross before you decide that enough is enough?

gravitytolls

meritaten wrote: »

er - do you eat fajitas with a knife and fork? I dont, I use my fingers. if your son, you and your husband all criticised me - I would be angry too.
and you dont see that he may have seen it as you all 'ganging up on him'?

Would you really? At the most, slightly naffed off, but angry? Would you throw your drink over someone?

Perhaps you should take your own advice.

kettlefish

meritaten wrote: »

er - are you going to get him charged with assault? planning on taking him to court? seeking compensation?
you had a row - I suppose you were blameless?
if you were to call the police - if they had any sense they would laff themselves silly? how old are you? old enough to have a grown-up son? then try behaving like a grown-up yourself.

And what would you say if it was her husband treating her like this? He is 22 for goodness' sake. Just because it's not her hubby doing it doesn't mean it's not abuse.

Of course he is your son and you love him unconditionally (unlike with a partner where this sort of behaviour would, erm, put you off him) but I think unless there is some mental health problem which you can support him through, he can't stay in the family home.

It is all very well and good us commenting from afar but whatever you decide, this is a horrible situation for you to be in Thinking of you

paddy's_mum

This is the harshest comment I have ever made on this site but I cannot contain my rage.

OP - you silly cow! How blasted dare you shield your son, putting so many others (including your own grandchild) at risk because you 'love' him!

I'm outta here because I don't believe that I can keep a lid on my disgust at this utter insanity.

:eek:

Janepig

Person_one wrote: »

Seriously? You think if the OP had posted that her 22 year old daughter had thrown water over her and smashed a glass we'd all be agreeing with meritaten?

No, although she's entitled to her opinion. But I don't think we'd have the volume of "I'd pack their bags after the first time", etc...... posts if it was a female. There have been afew posters who have questioned whether the OP's son must have some issues, needs to see a doctor, get help, etc... but I would hazard a guess that if it was the OP's daughter in this story then the vast majority of posters would be giving such a view.

Also, now that it's become apparent that the OP's son has ADHD (I think it was), imo there is going to be more of this in general in years to come, for just the reasons the OP has posted. It's all very well making excuses for the behaviour of a child with ADHD and the like, but at some point that child becomes an adult and has to make their way in the world, which is going to be difficult for them, clearly. But (and not being critical of the OP) it's no good making constant excuses for their childhood behaviour, and then expecting them to get to adulthood and suddenly know how to behave well.

Jx

Humphrey10

meritaten wrote: »

I am taking the opposite view - Hootie and OH and son all ganged up on son for picking a bit of chicken out of fajitas with his FINGERS! this seems to me so minor (who doesnt eat fajitas with their fingers?) as to be laughable.

Minor? You think sticking your fingers in other people's food is minor?Yuck. I hope you don't work in catering.