Is this assault?

Bennifred

Why on earth are you putting up with this?
I would tell him, when all is calm, that any more violence of any description will mean a call to the police. And mean it!
It can be made a condition of bail that he is not allowed near your house. I think this is the only thing that will get through to him - at the moment you are enabling his behaviour.
As for the negative consequences of police involvement - it would be HIS choice to behave badly that caused the call, wouldn't it?

robpw2

Janepig wrote: »

My two children, although much younger, often tell each other off for misdeeds that they know I'd get cross about, although I usually tell them not to. I see no reason why one adult (ie the 20 year old brother) couldn't tell off, and/or tap, another adult (the nearly 22 year old) around a dinner table for bad manners.

Jx

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Op - your son is an adult. IMO it's time to lay down the law and tell him that it's time to move out. Attacking members of your family is not acceptable.

you need to tell the 20 year old this too , sorry janepig but i do not think hitting anyone is acceptable for any reason ,slapping smacking tapping , touching all -assault throwing a drink is not right either but drink is a bit wet- hitting is not acceptable you need to sort out both your children now

faerie~spangles

Hootie19 wrote: »

I am 100% sure that he would not be involved in drugs.

I said to him tonight that I have had enough of this behaviour (our house is trashed from front to back from where he has smashed things while in a tantrum) and that I thought he should leave the home and live somewhere else.

However, on his part time wages, he just cant' see how he can afford to live anywhere else.

I wish he could find somewhere else to live. I fear that if we continue to try and live in this house, we will end up with such a broken relationship that it will never be mended.

He's 22 and out of control.

Kick him out with the help of the police if need be.

Don't wait until he seriously injures a family member.

paddy's_mum

Hootie19 wrote: »

he is ALWAYS this short tempered

I could list hundreds of occasions when he has behaved inappropriately

He was arrested and cautioned when he was about 17 ... he hit his dad with a baseball bat

as soon as he has had his tantrum, it's over and done with and he is very contrite and apologetic

Why do you call the violent, criminal actions of a grown man 'tantrums'?

Why has it taken you years to try to define what constitutes 'assault'?

Of course he is contrite afterwards. You are his meal ticket and you love him. He's playing you like fishes. If this was a man/woman thing, we and you would be yelling "this is domestic violence".

Which one of you does he need to murder (during one of his petulant 'tantrums', no doubt) before you take off the rose-tinted glasses and start recognising what is actually going on and put a blasted stop to it?

You are enabling him, however unwittingly, and it is your family not your son who now is in desperate need of counselling.

I'm sorry for your unhappiness. Good luck.

thorsoak

This sort of behaviour would not be acceptable in a 12 year old - let alone a 22 year old! And your 20 year old knows how to push the buttons to set his brother off, doesn't he?

The family dynamics here are all askew - your OH just "sits there" whilst WWIII is erupting around him? Does he not care? And the fact that he threw a glass at his sister when her baby was next to her just gets a passing comment?

Sorry - I know that this would not happen in my family and its just not just "happening" in yours - it is happening because YOU HAVE ALLOWED IT TO HAPPEN. By not being more proactive when your son was young, you have now released a monster who does not know how to control himself. But it's too late now to go into the whys and wherefores of how he did not attend the counselling arranged for him whilst in school.

So what is the next step? The only way to get him to realise that the world does not see this as acceptable is to put him out into the real world - let him learn to fend for himself - he will have to find a room to hide in, to pay for it - or find out how to finance his living. He cannot go on like this for any longer - and really, you and your OH have to talk about this and present a united front - and tell DS 2 to keep his nose out of things - if he cannot help the situation, then he should not make it worse.

BitterAndTwisted

Tapping someone on the arm is assault now? In which universe? Most certainly not the one I inhabit. Get a ruddy grip!

*max*

robpw2 wrote: »

sorry but why is his brother assualting him acceptable ? is it right your 20 year old son is berating his brother for things ? are your parenting skills that lax ..

:huh: How has his brother assaulted him? By tapping his arm when he went to stick his fingers in the food dish? Was he "berating him" when he said "don't do that"? Wait....should we consider this mental cruelty maybe? Sure...Poor little boy, being told off for bad manners - no wonder he reacted like he did! He probably should have tipped the whole table over and thrown his plate at the wall too, that would have shown them awful people, with their rigid table manners and cruel arm-tapping! Forget the police, he should be calling Childline.:cool:

Janepig

robpw2 wrote: »

you need to tell the 20 year old this too , sorry janepig but i do not think hitting anyone is acceptable for any reason ,slapping smacking tapping , touching all -assault throwing a drink is not right either but drink is a bit wet- hitting is not acceptable you need to sort out both your children now

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

There we are then. I'll get right on to it. :rotfl:

Where did I say my children assault each other? They are just normal children who carry tales about each other to annoy me.

Or did you mean the OP? Which isn't quite as amusing.

Jx

FATBALLZ

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Of course he is contrite afterwards. You are his meal ticket and you love him. He's playing you like fishes. If this was a man/woman thing, we and you would be yelling "this is domestic violence".

Although not if it was a woman/man thing.

Northern_Princess

Hootie19 wrote: »

After a stupid argument at the dinner table, my almost 22 year old son threw a temper tantrum, threw a drink over me, smashed the glass on the floor and then stood swearing and shouting for about 15 minutes.

I say it's assault, he says that throwing a drink of water/squash over someone is not assault.

Who is correct?

And if I was to call the police, what would their actions likely be?

Sorry if this sounds harsh but 22 year olds do not have temper tantrums - 2 year olds do! If any 22 year old child of mine threw a drink over me then smashed a glass deliberately on the floor and proceeded to shout and swear at me for 15 minutes there would be only one outcome - bags packed for them and shown the door. That behaviour is completely unacceptable from an adult in my eyes especially over something so trivial. He clearly has little respect for you to behave in this way towards you which I find disgusting.