Is this assault?

raven83

2 words- Tough love.!!!!

daska

Just going back to my earlier post - I'm not saying that ADHD is a suitable excuse for being violent, only that ADHD can result in people becoming angry very quickly. Also ADHD commonly occurs with other disorders which can also lead to a tendency to violence. And medication can help in some instances.

But having said that he obviously has to learn how to behave as well and he needs to know that the consequences are no longer avoidable just because you love him.

You need to make the appointments and go with him because his ADHD is probably equally responsible for him not carrying things through.
In truth he probably knows it needs to be done - but you are the tool he needs to do it.

londonsurrey

You say you're a professional in this field, and you know there's a problem. This has gone on for years and years and is escalating.

You know what you have to do - detach from the fact that it is happening to you, write it up, make a decision based on that report, or get a colleague to make the appropriate recommendations, as if it were a normal case, not you.

Then act on it. Forget your emotions. They don't matter, your son and your family matter.

Misstress

Wootball wrote: »

Yes it can, but why single out the video games? Maybe he's addicted to chicken in fajitas?

I single out video games because his mother says he is constantly on his xbox, she didnt say he constantly eats chicken in his fajitas.

I have no problem with video games, but it sounds to me like he has got an addition to them which like any addiction is effecting his and his families lives. Just think he needs help, not kicking out (unless he continually refuses help) like others are suggesting.

jellyhead

Did I word my post really badly? Because several of you think I said something different to what I thought I said.

I wasn't blaming video games! We all play video games in this house, and my husband and eldest play violent ones sometimes.

I said if he wasn't doing it in moderation it could be causing his poor behaviour. and yes, I would say this if he was playing Dora the Explorer, watching TV or even reading if it was all he ever did, alone in his room for pretty much most of his life.

Playing games all the time apart from a bit of part time work is going to affect his behaviour.

My teenager would probably like to spend all day every day gaming, but it wouldn't be good for him. He needs to talk to humans sometimes and get sunshine, fresh air and exercise. If he doesn't he's really snappy and more likely to throw tantrums. This is not due to gaming, it's due to his personality. He needs a bit of real life in between his gaming sessions. I was NOT blaming the xbox games!

jellyhead

heartbreak_star wrote: »

He's 22 - he's not exactly a child. There is no problem with playing video games - no parent has an issue if their child is watching films or reading books. Blaming the video game is a knee-jerk reaction. If it wasn't doing badly at a game that triggered his rage, it would have been something else - his hairstyle not going right maybe?

Just out of interest, I used to play video games for 3-4 hours a day from the age of 12-13...I still do. I was a high-performing student and now have a good job. Games are NOT a problem.

HBS x

As a parent I would have a problem if my child was watching films or reading to the exclusion of everything else every day. I would want them to be moving a bit, interacting with real people a bit, I would hope they could make a friend and spend a little time with that friend.

3-4 hours a day on a hobby is not a problem. I got the impression that he spends longer than that though.

If he were my son I'd want him to be doing something else other than gaming. Volunteering or studying might help to improve his job situation. A parenting course might help with childcare and teach him how to react and discipline his child properly without anger later on, in the terrible 2's. He has a child, so I'd want him to be doing something to work towards supporting that child and the mother.

shelley_crow

Your son is 22, he is an adult who has made the choice to be violent to you, his dad and his girlfriend. As another poster pointed out, he hit his girlfriend because the baby wouldn't stop crying, how long before he batters the baby for crying? At best the child might be taken into care, worst case scenario is that this baby ends up dying from injuries inflicted by an angry and unstable parent when no-one around it took steps to protect it. It is a possibility that this could happen and from your posts, a very strong possibility.

There is no excuse and no justification for this behaviour. If you aren't condemning his behaviour by getting him appropriate help then you are condoning it. In the meantime, is there any chance you could help your son's girlfriend and child into a refuge if she has nowhere else to go?

HeatherintheHills

paddy's_mum wrote: »

This is the harshest comment I have ever made on this site but I cannot contain my rage.

OP - you silly cow! How blasted dare you shield your son, putting so many others (including your own grandchild) at risk because you 'love' him!

I'm outta here because I don't believe that I can keep a lid on my disgust at this utter insanity.

:eek:

This is how I feel too. Wake up OP before someone gets badly hurt.

shelley_crow

I seem to be missing a post and others have had theirs edited in regards to a certain poster. It seems one can dish out the martial arts but doesn't like being questioned on her behaviour, which was relevant to the discussion at hand.

Shame on you MSE for removing relevant posts.

Nicki

Mine was edited only to remove two quotes, which remain in their original form elsewhere on the thread. Still trying to work that one out