Would this annoy you?

sulkisu

Something has been grating on my nerves for a few weeks now, and I just wanted to gauge other opinions.

My Goddaughter recently turned 19. She is a student, aspiring singer and very much into acting, theatre and that sort of thing.
A few months before her birthday we were talking and she mentioned how much she really wanted to see a West End play or musical. As a student working part-time, money is tight and although the family is not exactly skint, there isn't a lot to go around. Anyway, I decided to treat her for her birthday and told her to pick a play and I would get her two tickets. She picked Chicago and I paid over £80 for two tickets. She was happy and excited. I was happy that she was happy.

Anyway fast forward two months and I called to see if she had enjoyed her night out.
Did she go? Did she hell. She changed her mind, cashed the tickets in and had spent the money on other things - 'treated herself to CD's, perfume, make-up etc'.

I am p****ed off to say the least. OH takes the view that the tickets were given to her and therefore she was free to do what she wanted to do with them. I suppose he has a point (in a way) and at first I thought that at least she got something that she wanted, but on the other hand I feel like a total mug. If she hadn't wanted to go to the theatre, there's no way that I would have spent that much money on a present. I could afford it but that's not the point.

She doesn't see it as a problem and her mother feels the same way - she changed her mind, no big deal - but I am so hacked off. I'll get over it, (next year she gets a card and a voucher) but it just really bugs me.

Would you be annoyed?

System

Yes i'd be annoyed too. Its like saying my original gift wasnt good enough.

whiteguineapig

i'd be annoyed as well (its a live and learn i think)

SandC

Yes I would as it was a special gift and she is old enough to have realised that.

Next birthday I would be spending £20 tops.

puppypants

A lesson learned. Don't be so generous in future! XX

mrcow

Part of me is saying that it's bang out of order, but I did a similar thing so I can see the other side.

I did a big favour for someone once and they said thankyou by giving me £500 of vouchers for a store. A really expensive, frivolous store (think £27 for a bottle of shower gel type thing). I sold them on Ebay for cash. Money was really tight at the time and I used the money for my hallway to be decorated (I'd lived with bare walls for over 12 months). I really appreciated the gift, but the shower gel would all be gone....my hallway still looks lovely though.

Was I wrong?

londonsurrey

Yes, she owed you the courtesy of at least telling you that she'd changed her mind, and discussing it with you, telling you the reasons she had. You would then had the option of telling her to keep the money or not.
She's certainly of an age to be able to have this conversation.

There are two people at fault here. One is your goddaughter, and the second is her mother, whose attitude isn't helping, as she's the one who is supposed to guide the young lady through the subtleties of social mores.

I sympathise with you. I suppose it's one of those things that has to be chalked up to people who has turned out to be a disappointment, and that the family aren't quite what you would wish.

The young lady doesn't realise yet that behaviour like this is what is going to preclude her receiving generous 21st, 30th, 40th and wedding presents.

System

mrcow wrote: »

Part of me is saying that it's bang out of order, but I did a similar thing so I can see the other side.

I did a big favour for someone once and they said thankyou by giving me £500 of vouchers for a store. A really expensive, frivolous store (think £27 for a bottle of shower gel type thing). I sold them on Ebay for cash. Money was really tight at the time and I used the money for my hallway to be decorated (I'd lived with bare walls for over 12 months). I really appreciated the gift, but the shower gel would all be gone....my hallway still looks lovely though.

Was I wrong?

I'd be tempted too i must admit.

tea_lover

I'd be annoyed as hell tbh. You only spent that much money because it was something she said she wanted to go to. It might be different if she'd even had the courtesy to call you and ask if you minded her swapping them but just to do it and not even speak to you is really rude.

I'd be sending just a card from now on.

londonsurrey

mrcow wrote: »

Part of me is saying that it's bang out of order, but I did a similar thing so I can see the other side.

I did a big favour for someone once and they said thankyou by giving me £500 of vouchers for a store. A really expensive, frivolous store (think £27 for a bottle of shower gel type thing). I sold them on Ebay for cash. Money was really tight at the time and I used the money for my hallway to be decorated (I'd lived with bare walls for over 12 months). I really appreciated the gift, but the shower gel would all be gone....my hallway still looks lovely though.

Was I wrong?

No, I don't think you were wrong if you didn't request the vouchers, and you didn't have an agreement with them to spend it on a specific thing.

Who knows, they might have been given this generous present from someone else, and you were the perfect person to offload it onto.

tea_lover

mrcow wrote: »

Part of me is saying that it's bang out of order, but I did a similar thing so I can see the other side.

I did a big favour for someone once and they said thankyou by giving me £500 of vouchers for a store. A really expensive, frivolous store (think £27 for a bottle of shower gel type thing). I sold them on Ebay for cash. Money was really tight at the time and I used the money for my hallway to be decorated (I'd lived with bare walls for over 12 months). I really appreciated the gift, but the shower gel would all be gone....my hallway still looks lovely though.

Was I wrong?

I think the difference here is that you didn't ask for the vouchers from that specific store (I think?) But here the god daughter specifically chose that show as the one she wanted to see - if it were me I'd now be thinking did she just choose that one based on the price of the tickets so there'd be more to cash in. I'd be very disappointed in both her and her mother.