Found out by accident 14yr old dd smokes

Polmop

Are you sure they are hers, I would have thought you would have been able to smell the smoke on her.
I had a good relationship with my parents and all my friends used to give me their things to mind.

squidge60

kiss_me_now9 wrote: »

But she's (possibly, I don't know the OPs daughter) going to use that to buy more cigarettes...

This is the problem she is getting cheap tobacco from abroad .!
So there is also the issue of what shes smokeing.:(

GobbledyGook

Also are you 100% sure she actually smokes? Even when I stopped I always had cigarettes on me as I didn't admit to my friends that I'd stopped as they'd just pressure me to start again. For the same reason my brother always, always carried a lighter as if someone asked for a light and he didn't have one he'd be quizzed about why he didn't have one.

squidge60

GobbledyGook wrote: »

I think you have to find a balance between trying to stop her and alienating her from you. Personally I think stopping her going on the school trip would be unfair.

When I briefly took up smoking my grandparents stopped my pocket money (though not the money I earned myself - that was mine, but obviously not getting pocket money meant I had to budget more), they made it very plain that they were bitterly disappointed in me and - most annoyingly - my Nana refused to do my washing because it stunk of smoke. I had to do my own, seperate from everyone elses, and it was a PITA! Same with my coat - i had to hang it in my room because no-one else wanted theirs to get stinky smoke from mine. In the end it was much, much less hassle to just stop.

I like that one she would be far to lazy to want to do her own washing

Desperado99

Oh this is a toughie....

I'm all for keeping her pocket money from her, but I'm not so sure about her wages. That's more because working and earning your own money is a great thing for a teenager...... and I think maybe when she realises how long/hard she has to work to buy ciggies they may lose their appeal.

BTW where is she managing to get them from? if you can work that out, that would be good. If she's getting them from a particular shop you could go in (with her photo) and ask them not to serve her.

piglet74

another one for saving her pocket money / wages etc for her, but not stopping her going on the school holiday, i think that is a wee bit too harsh, hth

GobbledyGook

squidge60 wrote: »

I like that one she would be far to lazy to want to do her own washing

It worked on me :rotfl:

Nana also took to buying me smelly shampoo and conditioner and made me really paranoid that my hair smelt.

When I think about it now she completely conned me as I smoked about 2 cigs a day the very most and she made out like I stinked like a 60 a day chain smoker! It worked though.

The one thing she didn't do is tell me I wasn't allowed. She just made me realise that I had to make a choice and that choice had certain consequences. Obviously it depends on your child's personality, but for me being told "you are not allowed" as a teen would have just made me find ways to do it.

squidge60

Polmop wrote: »

Are you sure they are hers, I would have thought you would have been able to smell the smoke on her.
I had a good relationship with my parents and all my friends used to give me their things to mind.

She lied and lied and said it wasnt hers so i gave her the benefit and when she came home last night i gave her a hug smelt it she still denied oh said give me a kiss and accused her then she admitted it was hers.:(

badlass

Befriend her don't alienate her. DO keep the pocket money and bank it as way of punishment. Get to the root cause of the smoking and how many then work out the cost...over a month, week and year and let her see the waste. DON'T take her wages' but DO suggest she saves some towards the holiday with the school.

I was a smoker from the age of 14 til I was 45. I still remember my parents reactions (they were separated) Mum did the alienation and Dad did the befriending. It's hard to find the middle ground with teenagers so good luck.

Lx

squidge60

GobbledyGook wrote: »

It worked on me :rotfl:

Nana also took to buying me smelly shampoo and conditioner and made me really paranoid that my hair smelt.

When I think about it now she completely conned me as I smoked about 2 cigs a day the very most and she made out like I stinked like a 60 a day chain smoker! It worked though.

The one thing she didn't do is tell me I wasn't allowed. She just made me realise that I had to make a choice and that choice had certain consequences. Obviously it depends on your child's personality, but for me being told "you are not allowed" as a teen would have just made me find ways to do it.

Maybe i should work on that one a bit more did think about it as typical teen its about hair/makeup etc etc you know how it is.If i point out how much shes going to stink ....:D