watching a friend die

pearl123

Worried Jim - you sound like a very kind person. There needs to be more in the world like you!
best wishes

sassyblue

This will to live is the strongest will known to man. It's not true this is attention seeking as if he wanted to live it wouldn't have got to this stage. And yes, he might have been a hypochondriac all his life but he's 84 and you can't die from hypochondria alone, you've got to die of something....

You've been a good friend worried jim. :A

lostinrates

pearl123 wrote: »

Worried Jim - you sound like a very kind person. There needs to be more in the world like you!
best wishes

T here really do need to be more like worried jim!

Nan63

Tears came to my eyes reading this, your neighbour has been blessed to have you in his life worried jim, you have nothing to feel dreadful about.

As others have said, the man is 84, he's had 'a good innings' as my ol' dad used to say and you appear to have given him more comfort these past years than his own family.

I hope you can find your own comfort in that and that this friendship has enriched your life as well.

Take care of yourself and never feel bad about being a good friend to someone x

shelley_crow

Worried Jim, you sound like such a lovely person. From what you've said, your neighbour was a lonely man, struggling to cope and his family weren't interested. You don't find many people these days that are willing to put themselves out for other people. Disregard what the family say, you've done a wonderful thing by helping your neighbour.

One of my relatives is couple of years younger than your neighbour but she is also getting to the giving up stage. I've seen it before when I used to work with the elderly, it's like someone switches a light off. There's nothing you could have done to stop it. All you can do is visit him and be his sounding board until the inevitable happens.

The world would definitely benefit from more people like you.

worried_jim

I don't know why he is giving up, he is surrounded by a loving sucessful family. His son has recently returned from abroad and is living close by for the first time in years.
His grandchildren are incredibly successful in their lives (although he doesn't approve that his youngest grandchild is now pregnant) and he has never wanted for anything and is financially secure.
I know that his daughter has been unwell and has recently had her second bout of breast cancer, which is one of the reasons in the past he kept his poor health from the family (or so I thought) and from what I gather according to his wife (they haven't been together since the 80's but they are on friendly terms, she is very angry with him over his recent behavior and was furious when she heard that he had been calling me up to 4 times a day) his daughter is not as well as he may think that she is. The whole thing is becoming a tangled mess and the more I think about it the more upset I have become.

averagemummy

I would keep out of the family politics... families are complicated things and there are probably many things you would not have been told about...

Just keep visiting your friend and be there for him so he knows he has a friend. Just keep it as simple as that.

Be kind to yourself too, you have been a very kind friend so just reassure yourself you have done your best

sassyblue

worried jim, who knows what goes through his mind, but to him whatever he's feeling is real. Maybe he does know his daughter isn't well, you know by what treatment someone is having how serious the situation is.

My own grandad got to 80 and just gave up, he had a supportive family too, it just happens.

I echo what averagemummy says, don't get involved in their family politics and remain a good friend. x

Cat501

It's not a tangled mess Jim - even if you feel like it is right now. You have a friend. You've cared about and helped that friend enormously. He's still your friend. That's it.

The trials and tribulations of his family, and their opinions of him, are irrelevant to your friendship. It's what you think of this man and your friendship that counts. Please don't get upset - you've been fantastic

Peanuckle

If you were happy to spend that much time with him then it doesn't matter whether his family think he was taking advantage or not, it seems that you got as much from the relationship as he did anyway?
In my opinion they're not that close a family if he could get himself (intentionally or not) in that state without one of them stepping in and getting medical help though. Personally I'd steer clear of the family politics and enjoy whatever time you have left with the man who has obviously enriched your life just as much as you did his.