Dealing with an irrational wife

VestanPance

aliasojo wrote: »

Yes I see your point.

I don't agree though. :D

I think her less than calm reactions stem from frustration (re her OH) rather than fear.

That was certainly my experience.

It could be frustration, it could be fear, she may just be a nutter!

I was just going on the examples given by the OP, both viewed as security risks. Maybe he's just one of the tardy types, which if you're not is going to drive you batty.

Cat501

I do think she sounds controlling, manipulative and a bit scary - yes just like her from Corrie Suki!

On the flipside, I would never say that double checking is "very OCD" and if you tell her it is, then that's not particularly pleasant of you either OP. It's not even OCD.

londonsurrey

Pollycat wrote: »

I still can't believe they had the exchange by text instead of talking about it face-to-face though.

It does sound odd, but if they're in their 20s, I gather that it's a perfectly obvious medium to them. I suspect the way that the generation of women who chatted over garden fences would have viewed people chatting on chatboards instead as really odd.

It's definitely preferable to my mother who insisted on calling me at work to shout at me, even after my boss had banned calls from my mother.

lazer

Nottoobadyet wrote: »

I'll never understand why people in this day and age get married without having lived together first! It sounds like you two are completely unequipped to deal with each other.

Her abusive language is bang out of order and you need to set boundaries on it ASAP if you want this to work. You dont want to wait until you're 5 years down the line with kids and self esteem that you cant scrape off the floor.

And for fs sake people, she's being verbally abusive. The response on this board would be totally different if the OP was female - no one deserves to be called stupid by their partner.

And i never understand why couples commit to living together without getting married (especially if buying a house).

I'm sure every couple whenever they move in together have issues with getting used to each other etc, so the longer you are together before you move in together the better IMO.

I believe that if you date someone for a long length of time (2 years or more), see them regularyly, you know if you are meant to be together so you get married and then live together. You know you want to be with them and together you work through the issues with living together!

My fiance and I know we will probably nearly kill each other for the first few months after the wedding, but we will work through it together and reach compromises.

OP - you need to reach a compromise with your wife, I think she is out of order for her reaction, I think you are out of order for leaving the window open. (although i leave my windows open sometimes too - but its only my house so its my responsibility only).
Let your wife know, you are not happy with the way she is treating you, and discuss what she can do about it.
Your wife has let you know she is not happy about your irresponsibilty - so discuss with her what you can do about it - the post it notes etc are good ideas.

Good luck and remember that you married her because you lvoe her and she married you because she loves you, these are just teething problems.

aliasojo

andymc29 wrote: »

I do sometimes not do things because I think she'll just say it's done wrong anyway.

Op, would you consider yourself as having low self esteem or lacking confidence?

Please don't feel obligated to answer that if you don't want to, it's just I'm picking up on something (that may be nothing) which is why I asked.

londonsurrey

I must profess to being curious as to whether the OP is ever going to leave the bedroom window open again.

RunbeforeIcanwalk

I think you are the Andy whose diary I read. I remember reading it and thinking your girlfriend was very controlling of you and so so unsupportive of you paying off all of your debt in a year or so. And she wouldnt even entertain marrying you until you could prove you could deal with your finances?

I think both of you have issues here. The relationship does not seem to be happy and equal.

BellyDuJour

OP, I'm sorry to say that I see a lot of similarities between you and my husband and I can identify with your wife and why she gets so angry/frustrated at times. Because my OH doesn't think about the consequences of doing certain things, I feel like I've got to think for him and and it can be really exhausting not being able to switch off - including on holiday!! Sometimes I feel a bit resentful because I feel like my husband doesn't have to think about the boring adult things at all but I have to do more than my fair share because of this.

I know you've not been married for long, but are there other things that you could take charge of (and do a really good job of) so that your wife doesn't have to worry about them? There are certain areas of our household that my OH now has sole charge of and I don't have to worry about, so now if he forgets to do something else, I'm not so uptight about it because I don't feel like I've got the world's weight on just my shoulders.

margaretclare

andymc29 wrote: »

Thanks guys. I know it seems trivial but she's like this about loads of things.

I tell her I've got a bad memory and am trying hard but she says that's no excuse because she never forgets anything.

She says not remembering to do things is showing disrespect for her and that I'm being irresponsible. There's really no winning most of the time.

OMG. I just could NOT live with someone like that. Why on earth did you marry her?

PolishBigSpender

Elantan, you're brilliant

OP: It sounds like it's not the first time, I'm not surprised she's exasperated.