Dealing with an irrational wife

Lotus-eater

Did you live together before marriage and was she like this then?

mrs_sparrow

suited-aces wrote: »

The wife is controlling and emotionally abusive. Is it the OP's male genitalia that's blinding so many people to this?

Someone finally said it.

It is STARTS like this and escalates..... I'd get help for this now as you are on a very slippery slope. Have a look at your local police domestic abuse website and see if there are other 'criteria' on there that you can relate to.

Calling someone stupid all the time is abuse - especially someone you are supposed to love. Andy, does she control the money and tell you where you can go and who you can see? If you do something, does she comes behind you and do it again/better to devalue what you have done?

mrs_sparrow

Oh, and to tell him that he hsa to spend his time 'thinking' about everything he does and when he does it or if he has done it to keep her happy, that is encouraging him to end up walking on eggshells and be a nervous wreck in her presence. And this does not scream 'Abuse' to any of you?? And more so you are encouraging it. Calling him an 'airhead' when he lives with a woman who treats him like this. Shameful, sorry, it is. He needs to get some confidence and learn how to deal with this, not have you lot add to the names that he is being called.

My husbands sounds like the OP - he's a man, lol - first off the rings would not be there, if they were important to me they would be locked away. And second, some things are not worth the hassle, she seems to be finding ANY excuse to belittle Andy and put him down which IS abuse. No-one is absolutely perfect, no-one, and when we marry or live with someone we should put up with their flaws. Why is the OP being told to change to fint in with his wifes 'demands' of perfection??

Andy, please find the courage to speak to someone, even if it is briefly, it will give you the confidence to deal with things better when it escalates. Because it will.

Taking your daily 'stress' of a hard day or a day day at work/out/home on your partner is NOT acceptable. At what point would you say he is being abused, when she punches him as well?

Disappointed in this thread and the advice some of you have given this poor man.

And get a safe, they do not cost much and she can keep all of her important things in that.

j.e.j.

Not being funny, but taking a look at the OP's diary that someone mentioned earlier in this thread will give an idea of the dynamics between andymc29 and his now-wife. It's not our place to make judgements, but the impression I get is that she very much calls the shots. Sorry if I'm wrong, or speaking out of turn. OP it is up to you how you deal with her. I hope the two of you can work things out.

joannaspanner

I can see this going the same way as the butterflymind thread.

meer53

I never close my bedroom window. I have been burgled. Whilst we were in bed, they dismantled the lock on the back door, let themselves in and out again with over £10k of stuff plus my brand new car. If they're going to break in your house, they don't need an open window, they'll still get in.

I wouldn't let anyone speak to me like the OP's wife does, they need to have a serious conversation about their relationship, not just the security thing, there are obviously issues there. If they don't, the OP is going to have a pretty miserable life.

mrs_sparrow

aliasojo wrote: »

Op, would you consider yourself as having low self esteem or lacking confidence?

Please don't feel obligated to answer that if you don't want to, it's just I'm picking up on something (that may be nothing) which is why I asked.

Is that really any wonder considering the way he is being spoken to??

She also has to take responsibility for her things. She knows he will leave the window open [again] so why not just lock your rings away somewhere safe because your husband will forget to close the window open.

of course, it is easier for him to shout and belittle him and call him stupid, being a man and all, he no doubt deserves it.

It'll not be long before he is dreading the text bleep or call on the phone with her having a go at him for something else he has not done the right way.

loracan1

That 'not good enough' she sent you in the second text would have caused me an irrational, way off the scale reaction - that's just sheer patronising and extremely rude!

I'm afraid I'd have had to ignore it and her for the rest of the day, gone home and told her to get over herself (but then I like having the window open for the fresh air)

globetraveller

Why on earth would you leave your wallet on the table? Couldn't you wait till she got back? What would you have expected her to do if she saw something picking it up? Floor them?? Such a stupid action.
And then, there is the fact that she knows you leave windows open but she keeps her rings under the window???
You are both at fault.
As for the text, she has been up all night, is knackered and you have left the window open yet again, knowing that you have been burgled before and that she is worried about security. She lost her rag.
I would hope though that she would look back at the texts and not be proud of them.

You both sound immature. If you both behave like this all the time then why on earth did you get married? Or is this just a one off and you are letting off steam? Time to get together and talk but also LISTEN to each other.
As for your memory, I often put a check list by the back door, to remind me of something I need to before leaving in the morning.

scooby088

I wish people would stop with the abuse side of this argument, and by some of the posters on here definition of being called stupid or an idiot. me and my OH must be in one hell of an abusive relationship then.

I would just let her comments wash over me and like I said earlier in the thread I would tell her to get a grip.