Dealing with an irrational wife

aliasojo

mrs_sparrow wrote: »

And this does not scream 'Abuse' to any of you?? And more so you are encouraging it. Calling him an 'airhead' when he lives with a woman who treats him like this. Shameful, sorry, it is. He needs to get some confidence and learn how to deal with this, not have you lot add to the names that he is being called.

This is *only* your opinion, same as mine is mine.

You have no more insight into this than I or anyone else has. All of us can only offer our thoughts on what is written.

You clearly see things differently and that's fine but to call it 'shameful' when I point out his actions are reminiscent of an airhead, is just silly. Doing so suggests you feel you are more 'all knowing' than anyone else.

The OP will hopefully be able to read all that has been written and take what may apply from the thread and ignore the rest. That's the beauty of alternative views, you get a wide range of thoughts.

Are things always one sided? Not usually, in my experience. Is it helpful to only ever point out one party's flaws and ignore anything else that might play a part? Again, not usually.

However it's your right to post your opinion about how the OP is being bullied/abused and how this will escalate and he really needs to seek help now etc etc, just as it is mine to give my opinion about what I feel....about both of them.

POPPYOSCAR

Somewhere out there on a forum I have a feeling there is a post along the lines of:-

"How do I deal with my irresponsible husband"!!

You both need to sit down and talk about this.

You need to tell her how she is making you feel and you need to listen to her concerns and come to an understanding before the problem escalates out of hand.

blossomsuz

OP your wife may have some OCD issues but they are HER issues and she shouldnt be taking them out on you.

I have slight OCD issues with tidyness etc BUT I just quietly clear the stuff away as I know this is MY issue and nothing to do with DH hes just being his usual messy self

Agree with the above posts in that the way she spoke to you via text is abusive and emotionally controlling. Stop this now before it gets started. You are equals in the relationship not one above the other and if she thinks that way she should never have married you!

You may be slightly irresponsible but nobody is perfect and I personally think that a perfect person would be rather boring! If she loves you then she should take the rough with the smooth.

You need to sit down and have a frank and open discussion with her. Dont apologise for everything, have some balls and tell her how the way she talks to you makes you feel. If she is unprepared to change then walk away. Life is far to short to be with someone who wants to take away your sense of self.

Good luck and I hope it all comes out in the wash as they say.

Pollycat

blossomsuz wrote: »

OP your wife may have some OCD issues but they are HER issues and she shouldnt be taking them out on you.

I have slight OCD issues with tidyness etc BUT I just quietly clear the stuff away as I know this is MY issue and nothing to do with DH hes just being his usual messy self

But if the OP is doing something that his wife has previously asked him not to do (i.e. leave the window open when he goes out) isn't he creating the issue (or at least making the issue worse than it should be)?

Tidying up yourself instead of asking your OH to do it may resolve your 'issue' but the OP's wife can hardly close the window herself when she's at work.

aliasojo

blossomsuz wrote: »

O

You may be slightly irresponsible but nobody is perfect and I personally think that a perfect person would be rather boring! If she loves you then she should take the rough with the smooth.

If she is unprepared to change then walk away. Life is far to short to be with someone who wants to take away your sense of self.

I respect your opinion but I have trouble working out why it's acceptable to be irresponsible but not acceptable to be unpleasant.

Especially since nobody is perfect.

You could argue that your comments could be turned round to address the OP also.

(I do agree he should talk to her and say how she makes him feel though. )

poet123

It is impossible to make judgements on the state of a marriage or the underlying character traits of those in it from texts sent in the heat of the moment, and one side of the story.

Calling what the OP has detailed as abuse is ridiculous. Nobody is perfect, and I cannot believe that those of you in long marriages have never had an argument with your partner where you have been unpleasant. These things happen, it is how you deal with them that counts and how you work through them.

If the situation doesn't improve long term or things escalate, then it may be deemed abuse, but not atm in my opinion.

Blackpool_Saver

How much does it cost to move house?

poet123

Hofmeister wrote: »

Next time she belittles you, or calls you stupid, or pushes you a side........ give her a gentle slap, but make sure its not where anyone can see the bruises

What a very adult way of dealing with matters;)...even tongue in cheek.

aliasojo

Aw poet! Why did you bite?! :rotfl::rotfl:

Nottoobadyet

Pollycat wrote: »

they deserve to be called stupid because they are stupid - and irresponsible.

And - I'd say that if the poster was a woman talking about her husband, instead of the other way round.

So if a distressed lady came on here and said my husband is calling me a stupid, ugly cow you would inquire as to whether she was, in fact, stupid, ugly and cow-ish?