Dealing with an irrational wife

Hofmeister

:rotfl:i knew someone would, u have to be honest it was getting a bit boring

Hofmeister

Nottoobadyet wrote: »

So if a distressed lady came on here and said my husband is calling me a stupid, ugly cow you would inquire as to whether she was, in fact, stupid, ugly and cow-ish?

It get better and better, brilliant :T

poet123

Hofmeister wrote: »

:rotfl:i knew someone would, u have to be honest it was getting a bit boring

I did say tongue in cheek....I knew what game you were on!

aliasojo

Nottoobadyet wrote: »

So if a distressed lady came on here and said my husband is calling me a stupid, ugly cow you would inquire as to whether she was, in fact, stupid, ugly and cow-ish?

Seems reasonable to me. :rotfl:

Hofmeister wrote: »

:rotfl:i knew someone would, u have to be honest it was getting a bit boring

I may be joining you in your thoughts.

Tropez

Have to be honest, if anyone I was in a relationship with spoke to me like that then that relationship would be over. People make mistakes and some people make the same mistake several times but being verbally abusive, belittling, condescending etc. is not the way to sort out your problems and if someone I with felt that it was acceptable then they'd be told to jog the f' on.

My partner is pretty strong minded and every so often I'll do something that ticks her off in some way, such as earlier when I was twenty five minutes late for my Skype call this morning due to having a friend over until late and then oversleeping but she didn't call me stupid or tried to make me feel small. She simply reminded me, in a polite way, that she had been waiting for me and it made her feel bad which I apologised for and accepted because I had been a bit of a !!!!! in that situation.

But you married her, so there must be some positive traits that you see in her. You're going to have to communicate to her and perhaps even communicate how it makes you feel when she speaks down to you like that and maybe if you have a phone that allows you to set reminders with an alarm to close the window and the rest of it do that.

HeatherintheHills

First off I think the texts sent to the OP were OTT and this has to be nipped in the bud. They both have issues and need to really talk about them.

But I've been wondering why she is going on about respect all of the time and I *think* I get it. OP, you are being thoughtless and careless about her personal safety.

That really does show a lack of respect for your wife and I can easily see why she goes ballistic about that and why her resentment at you over such an important issue finds its way into other areas of your life.

OP, how would you have felt if your wife had arrived home after a night shift to find a burglar in the bedroom? What is she had been hurt or worse? Same with the wallet thing, you were bang out of order with that. What if someone had been watching you and snatched your wallet the moment you were far enough away to be out of reach, but just as your wife was approaching the table? Would you still think it was an OK thing to have done if she had been hurt as the thief went for your wallet?

I know what I'd think about a guy who thoughtlessly put me in danger for the sake of getting his food a few moments earlier. :mad:

You are neither of you thinking as a couple. You will only learn to do that if you start talking about it, working out what the serious issues are and learning to respect the things that really matter to each other.

Pollycat

Pollycat wrote: »

they deserve to be called stupid because they are stupid - and irresponsible.

And - I'd say that if the poster was a woman talking about her husband, instead of the other way round.

Nottoobadyet wrote: »

So if a distressed lady came on here and said my husband is calling me a stupid, ugly cow you would inquire as to whether she was, in fact, stupid, ugly and cow-ish?

Good attempt :rotfl:at editing my post to suit yourself.
The full post is below;

Pollycat wrote: »

If they leave their wallet stuffed with holiday money and bank cards on a table and go off to get some food from the buffet leaving nobody at the table, then (imho) they deserve to be called stupid because they are stupid - and irresponsible.

And - I'd say that if the poster was a woman talking about her husband, instead of the other way round.

My point was (and please do note that I said imho) that the OP was stupid for leaving his wallet at a table where it could have been easily stolen.

If a distressed lady came on here and said her husband is calling her a stupid, ugly cow I would inquire what the circumstances were that brought that comment out - and then give my opinion based on what the answer was.

But as nobody has posted (at least on this thread) that their husband has called them a stupid, ugly cow, your question is totally irrelevant.

Hofmeister

see this thread, see how peoples opinions change when i 'word the question slightly differently':-

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/54578187#Comment_54578187

Mojisola

From the opening post here, andy makes himself sound a bit flaky and I could imagine his OH getting exasperated. When you read his debt diary, especially towards the end - eg post 236, 241 & 246 - https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2051639 - you can see how his wife seems to want things always done her way.

I think andy may be in for a tough ride in this marriage.

aliasojo

Post deleted cos I got confused and posted it on the wrong thread. It's on Hof's other thread now.:D