Dealing with an irrational wife

Doubledrop

melanzana wrote: »

Yea, us too. But things can get heated now and then. Shows the spark is still there I reckon. Apathy and indifference are the opposite of love.

I don't think calling your partner stupid is showing there is still a spark.

melanzana

Doubledrop wrote: »

I don't think calling your partner stupid is showing there is still a spark.

I dont believe I did that :cool: but maybe you are referring to th ops wife.

Different scenario. My post did not make any reference to calling a partner stupid.

Doubledrop

melanzana wrote: »

I dont believe I did that :cool: but maybe you are referring to th ops wife.

Different scenario. My post did not make any reference to calling a partner stupid.

Sorry Melanzana, thought you were referring to the OP - Ignore me its late :beer:

coolcait

An interesting thread. It clearly demonstrates how one person's "controlling behaviour" is another person's "someone needs to be the 'responsible adult'".

No one ever sees themselves as a 'controlling person'. Or 'an abuser'. That point was graphically illustrated on this forum a couple of months ago. Yet, to outsiders, the descriptions of certain behaviours can definitely fit those categories.

I read so many posts on this forum where people profess to love their partner, but don't seem to particularly like them, and certainly don't seem to respect them. Sometimes they don't even profess love...

Yet, so often, they put the blame for their own behaviour on to their partner. Their own poor behaviour is because their partner has 'made' them react this way.

That's not true. We are all responsible for our own behaviours. We can only change our own behaviour.

Andy, you can change your own behaviour - and you've been offered plenty of tips on how to deal with 'having a bad memory'. Give them a go, or find other tips that work better for you. Don't just take the attitude that you 'have a bad memory', and nothing can be done about it.

You can't change your wife's behaviour. Only she can do that. Is she willing to do so? Does she even recognise that her behaviour can appear controlling?

mikey72

andymc29 wrote: »

..............she says that's no excuse because she never forgets anything................

If she means that, and really believes it, you've no chance.

thegirlintheattic

Sounds like she doesn't like mothering you. I too would be getting !!!!ed off my with OH if I had to constantly remind/ask for things to be done. Is she annoyed with household stuff because you have a different idea of when things should be done? e.g. She washes up straight after dinner, you do it before you go to be, so she assumes your not going to do it.

coolcait

On the issue of Andy's so-called 'irresponsibility', I'm not inclined to be so harsh as others. Even though I am also the registered keeper of an absent-minded male whose definition of 'risk' is very different from my own.

I get frustrated, irritated, annoyed, and incandescent with fury at times, because of things he has done. Yet, I can't imagine ever speaking to him in the way that Andy's wife has. Or speaking about him in the way that other people have spoken about their husbands.

In the same way that I wouldn't speak to/about my children in that way when they have made a mistake. Over and over again. Or my colleagues.

The wallet incident is the one that would concern me most. I don't think that it was safe or sensible to leave a wallet unattended in that way - especially when the person who wa expected to 'keep an eye on it' didn't know that she'd been given that role. However, at least it was only a wallet, not a child, for example. People do let their guard down when on holiday, especially when in a location which is advertised as 'safe'.

That said, I don't think that the silent treatment from Andy's wife was appropriate or adult either.

The open window incident. I don't think we know enough about it to say whether it was irresponsible or not.

My mother leaves her bedroom window open 24/7, whether she's in the house or not. It's on the upper storey, at the front of the house - in a neighbourhood watch area - and it's a 'hopper' style window. The security risks are minimal. Any would-be thief would need a ladder, a very small child (or trained monkey) to go through the window, and then let the thief into the house, plus an invisibility cloak to shield them from some very [STRIKE]nosey[/STRIKE] vigilant neighbours.

On the other hand, my sister would never leave her bedroom window open, as she lives in a bungalow, and her bedroom is at the back of the house, and the window is large enough to let a generously sized adult through.

None of us would ever leave valuables out in sight of any window, of whatever style, and no matter how securely closed.

Having debt is not, of itself, irresponsible. Paying back a significant amount of debt within three years demonstrates a fair bit of responsibility. A mortgage is also a debt.

Name-calling. Lack of respect. Contempt of the other's viewpoint etc. That's coming from both sides in this marriage. Both of them need to work on it, so that they don't do it to the other.

jenhug

has anyone else got this picture in their heads? http://images.google.co.uk/imgres?q=hyacinth+bucket&start=102&num=10&hl=en&safe=active&biw=1366&bih=638&tbm=isch&tbnid=2AI5go1CVPg5OM:&imgrefurl=http://saintjohnfairfield.blogspot.com/2010_09_01_archive.html&docid=_F9tiMr7RI0eoM&imgurl=http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_tkjDgN0q874/TKSCoz-v3CI/AAAAAAAAARw/vA5s0cuRvDE/s1600/appearences.jpg&w=468&h=339&ei=fE4HULHTKejC0QWgiNzCDQ&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=480&vpy=250&dur=374&hovh=191&hovw=264&tx=145&ty=74&sig=116901931177510634878&page=5&tbnh=133&tbnw=172&ndsp=28&ved=1t:429,r:9,s:102,i:123

marleyboy

andymc29 wrote: »

Thanks guys. I know it seems trivial but she's like this about loads of things.

I tell her I've got a bad memory and am trying hard but she says that's no excuse because she never forgets anything.

She says not remembering to do things is showing disrespect for her and that I'm being irresponsible. There's really no winning most of the time.

Am reminded of a time my Ex shut the front door leaving her keys in the house. As soon as the door clicked (effectively locking us out aside from the fact I remembered my keys), she immediately turned round to her children ranting at them, "Oh Great, did nobody think of reminding me to take my keys". My reply was "Don't you mean did nobody think you would forget your keys?".

Accidents do happen, I have no doubt if she accidentally leaves a window open, it will be your fault for not checking to make sure she closed them.

faerie~spangles

Respect?

Op you were at work when your wife started the text conversation.?.

Methinks you feel grateful that she married you.

She sounds like a nasty piece of work.


If my son married something like that.

I would wonder why.