Dealing with an irrational wife

Mrs_Arcanum

Respect is earned and cannot be demanded.

Andy I suspect your OH may not respect you much and this is a very slippery slope to be on so early in your relationship.

balletshoes

andymc29 wrote: »

We were on holiday last year. Having breakfast in the hotel, I saw her coming back from the buffet with some food, so I left the table to go get some for myself. I had my wallet with me but it was too bulky for my pocket so I left it on the table, knowing she was in clear sight of the table and heading that way.

She went quiet on me for the next half hour until I finally got it out of her that she was furious at me for leaving my wallet on the table. She said I was totally irresponsible and was happy to risk us losing all our money and bank cards because of being too impatient to get food. It didn't matter that I said she could see the table and was walking directly towards it. She made me promise never to do anything irresponsible again in my life and that I needed to show her more respect.

:eek: and you wonder why your wife thinks you're irresponsible? You are irresponsible. Anyone could have lifted your wallet in the time it took for your wife to come back to the table - she didn't know until she sat down that you'd left your wallet there, so how would she know to be looking out for someone else at your table whipping your wallet away?

fannyanna

OP - you're a bit irresponsible. You do some silly things. They're not the end of the world but they are a bit daft.

Your Wife is clearly highly strung. I think she is justified to be annoyed with you however I do think the way she reacts to these annoyances are OTT. I think she has anger management issues.

Mk14:37

Respect works both ways.

heartbreak_star

I agree there's wrong and right on both sides.

Stick a Post-it on the back of the door as a checklist before you leave, and one on the fridge (or on the back of the bathroom door - you'd be surprised how much you see that!) for other tasks she's asked about. She can write on these too, it's not entirely for you.

You need to show her a little more respect by trying to improve your memory....BUT she needs to show YOU more respct by not talking to you like she does!!

HBS x

fannyanna

And I think you're both daft to have got married after only living together for 2 months.

Your situation is a clear example of how it's true that you really only know someone once you have lived with them.

fannyanna

heartbreak_star wrote: »

You need to show her a little more respect by trying to improve your memory....BUT she needs to show YOU more respct by not talking to you like she does!!

Spot on!

Sit down and have a conversation with her and make sure that this is the conclusion that you both agree to work on.

VestanPance

andymc29 wrote: »

She made me promise never to do anything irresponsible again in my life and that I needed to show her more respect.

She sounds like she's one of those folk that lives in constant fear of being robbed, mugged, attacked etc. Maybe been robbed in the past? It sounds like she lets rip at what seem like very minor risk situations, which is probably a fear reflex. I would guess that's why her actions are so abrupt, she sees what you are doing as scarey and putting her at risk and the fear takes over.

If you aren't like that and are a bit more laid back then there is always the risk of conflict.

Only way to resolve this is you either accept her way of living in terms of security, or she learns how to deal with her fear better.

j.e.j.

You're driving her crazy and she's talking to you like a child. There's faults on both sides here.

You need to try and get to the stage where your different ways complement each other, rather than clash.

Eg, she's "always having to run round after you and clean up". But when you try and do things you don't do it the way she likes it. She's got a bit of a neurotic way about her, bordering on control freak, by the sounds of it.

Each of you needs to just recognise what the other one is like and work with that, rather than trying to make the other person into something else, which'll only lead to frustration, surely..

Best not leave the windows open again, though :rotfl:

andymc29

And I think you're both daft to have got married after only living together for 2 months.

We've been going out for three years. And besides, until recently, most married couple never lived together before getting married. However divorce rates are higher now than they've ever been, so I don't think it's directly related.

My biggest problem is that I don't know what I can do to show more "respect" to her and how she wants things. I will get some post it notes to leave myself reminders, and I will tell her that is the system I am using to make up for my bad memory as I want to remember things better and be more responsible. She is very OCD and will always check all her car doors after hearing the central locking when using her keyfob. She will also double check the front door is locked even after using the key to lock the deadbolt. she complains about anything out of place in the house, and she'll insist on the kitchen door being closed when we leave the house so people can't look in the kitchen window through to the corridor.