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Dealing with an irrational wife

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  • balletshoes
    balletshoes Posts: 16,610 Forumite
    andymc29 wrote: »
    She claims she's always running around clearing up after me. But this is rubbish as she's simply doing jobs before I do them. An example is I'll go to do something in the kitchen and sometimes she'll physically push me aside and do it herself saying something like "I'll do it because you're too slow", my normal answer is "well I'd be quicker if I got to do it more often".

    Personally I think she's lived on her own too long and can't adjust to living with another person and giving up some of her control over the house. We lived together for two months before getting married.

    honestly? if this is an example of how you both regularly talk to each other I don't see this lasting long.

    You may be right, she may be struggling to adapt to living with someone full time, she might be set in her ways. Next time she says anything like that to you, stop what you are doing, take a breath, and tell her that when she talks like that to you, you find it hurtful and it makes you feel upset. I think the pair of you need to stop prodding at each other to get a reaction, and actually talk to each other about your feelings regarding these issues.
  • Cat501
    Cat501 Posts: 1,195 Forumite
    1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    andymc29 wrote: »
    She claims she's always running around clearing up after me. But this is rubbish as she's simply doing jobs before I do them. An example is I'll go to do something in the kitchen and sometimes she'll physically push me aside and do it herself saying something like "I'll do it because you're too slow", my normal answer is "well I'd be quicker if I got to do it more often".

    Personally I think she's lived on her own too long and can't adjust to living with another person and giving up some of her control over the house. We lived together for two months before getting married.

    Erm, sorry to be blunt - but WHY did you marry this woman??

    Most people wouldn't talk to ANYONE that way - let alone their partner.
  • 19lottie82
    19lottie82 Posts: 6,032 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    pawsies wrote: »
    I would put a sign on the window every time you open it saying close me in big writing so you can't ignore it?
    again, it's not just about the window. that is a tiny part of the problem in general.
  • elantan
    elantan Posts: 21,022 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    i agree with the others (and have said previously) your wife has no reason to speak to y ou this way ... that is an unnacceptable way to talk to the person you love

    i think you both have alot of growing up to do ... and you both need to start with respecting each other
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 35,912 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Savvy Shopper!
    gingin wrote: »
    I would worry that you are feeling the need to write threads on a forum about an irrational wife just one month after marriage. It sounds like a petty disagreement, you potentially have another 60 years together. Kiss and make up!

    I would also worry that they are having a conversation of this sort by texts.

    If my OH was last out of the house, I would be concerned that he'd left the window open but I don't think I'd quite have a go in the manner described by the OP.
  • Mrs_Arcanum
    Mrs_Arcanum Posts: 23,976 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    They often say the first year is the worst. Just hope this is the case and you both learn to live together.

    I would say the tone of the texts is somewhat OTT and needs to be discussed calmly as adults. At the moment you are being spoken to as if you were a child. Do not respond that way or it will set the balance of your relationship on the wrong footing from the start.

    OH gets paranoid about locked doors etc, yet he left the front door unlocked last night. I just let it go & have said nothing as no harm was done.
    Truth always poses doubts & questions. Only lies are 100% believable, because they don't need to justify reality. - Carlos Ruiz Zafon, The Labyrinth of the Spirits
  • aliasojo
    aliasojo Posts: 23,053 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    andymc29 wrote: »
    Thanks guys. I know it seems trivial but she's like this about loads of things.

    I tell her I've got a bad memory and am trying hard but she says that's no excuse because she never forgets anything.

    She says not remembering to do things is showing disrespect for her and that I'm being irresponsible. There's really no winning most of the time.

    You could be describing OH and I (exactly!) a few years ago. Even down to the window, his flat was broken into in our early days together.

    He has a poor memory. I would ask him to get a particular shampoo from the supermarket for example (I have a sensitive scalp and a lot of shampoos make me itch) and he would remember shampoo but not the rest of it so he'd come home with a shampoo I couldn't use.

    I would be furious that he didn't care enough to make the effort to listen to me and that seemed disrespectful and uncaring to me.

    He would do lots[/I] of things like that, all trivial but overtime they added up and I got really wound up and annoyed every time he forgot something. Yes, my reaction more than likely was more than it should have been but I just felt constantly frustrated.

    Anyway, to cut a long story short, he has genuine issues with memory and once he accepted that and took responsibility (without just saying I have a poor memory it's not my fault), I felt less annoyed and I was able to become more reasonable with him.

    He now appreciates that he has to use 'props', he will use Post-it notes to remind him to do/buy things.

    Perhaps you could do the same? Put a note where you can see it and need it. Beside a window for example. ;)
    Herman - MP for all! :)
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,571 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    andymc29 wrote: »
    I tell her I've got a bad memory and am trying hard but she says that's no excuse because she never forgets anything.

    She says not remembering to do things is showing disrespect for her and that I'm being irresponsible. There's really no winning most of the time.

    Is your memory bad in all areas of your life?

    I've got a cousin whose OH forgets things or doesn't do things he's said he'll do and is often late but only concerning family and home life.

    He never drops the ball when it's something to do with work. She feels disrespected because he obviously can remember things (or make notes so that he doesn't forget), turn up to work appointments on time, etc. He doesn't make the effort when it's to do with her and the home.
  • Cat501
    Cat501 Posts: 1,195 Forumite
    1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Going back to the OP - the window thing was unintentional. What deliberate risks have you taken that your wife got upset about?
  • LannieDuck
    LannieDuck Posts: 2,359 Forumite
    Eighth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    She shouldn't be speaking to you like that.

    You shouldn't have left the windows open if the house was empty. (Out of interest, how many times previously has she asked you to make sure they're closed?)

    Two separate issues, and I think as a couple you need to deal with both of them.
    Mortgage when started: £330,995

    “Two possibilities exist: either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying.”
    Arthur C. Clarke
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