Dealing with an irrational wife

elantan

I think the comments that if it were a man speaking to his wife that way we would be up in arms are bang out of order ... I have never for one second said the way she speaks to him is acceptable

Whether it is male to female , female to male, male to male or female to female speaking to a person in the way the wife has is wrong and unnacceptable ... It has to change

I do think the op needs to learn aswell though as the op seems to" not think" ( i think thats about the best way i can think of to describe his actions) about his actions and their consequences

VestanPance

aliasojo wrote: »

To be fair though, she's not being particularly fearful, just being aware of the potential.

Her actions from what the OP posts could easily be triggered by fear. A normal reaction would be less dramatic to the potential of risk. I'd say the fact these things would appear to trigger such a response is mostly likely fear driven.

No matter what your fears are people don't act rationally when they are frightened.

andymc29

The more she keeps on the more your confidence will go and the more you will 'forget' things

I do sometimes not do things because I think she'll just say it's done wrong anyway. I've talked to her about this and she says she'd rather I did things anyway than do nothing.

martinthebandit

You have 3 options

1. Put up with that sort of behaviour for the rest of your life or until you use either option 2 or 3,

2. Man up and square her up, it is not acceptable behavior to talk to anyone, especially someone you love, like she has talked to you, or

3. Leave.

Its up to you, but they are your only options and I know which one I would pick.

Mr_Toad

There seem to be a lot of people on here who suffer from fear of crime, and people who see the worst in every situation.

I leave my mobile and occasionally my wallet on the table and my jacket on the back of the chair in hotels, restaurants and pubs.

It's a judgement call and I and many other people do unconscious risk assessment of the place we're in and make a judgement. Mine has not let me down so far.

I can't imagine spending my life stressing about risk all the time to the point where it takes over or becomes such a huge issue. I can't imagine being with someone who has little or no respect for any view other than their own or is so impatient that they take over in the kitchen because you're not quick enough or doing it "right".

I'd say OPs wife had serious issues and I doubt it will all end happily ever after.

Question for the OP.

Did you want to marry this woman more than anything else or was it her idea and something you went along with for a quiet life or because you thought why not it's the path of least resistance?

Perhaps it would be better to look hard at the relationship and your reasons and decide if it was a mistake or not sooner rather than later.

suki1001

heartbreak_star wrote: »

I agree there's wrong and right on both sides.

Stick a Post-it on the back of the door as a checklist before you leave, and one on the fridge (or on the back of the bathroom door - you'd be surprised how much you see that!) for other tasks she's asked about. She can write on these too, it's not entirely for you.

You need to show her a little more respect by trying to improve your memory....BUT she needs to show YOU more respct by not talking to you like she does!!

HBS x

The problem is you've got to have a good memory to remember to remind yourself in the first place. I have a bad memory - it was especially difficult when my children were babies, but has fortunately improved.

I've had to work with my husband a lot on this, but the more he criticised me and put me down, the more mistakes I made. He came from a very organised family, my family - the whole lot of them including aunts, uncles etc were used to losing things.

While i know it's frustrating, they were mistakes, not done intentionally. I used to tell my other half that he had a right to be annoyed at my mistakes, but to not express his annoyance in the way he did. Interestingly, now he is no longer so critical - I tend to make far less slip ups or mistakes.

I think her reaction is horrible and she reminds me of the Tyrone's girlfriend off corrie.
Her "you made a mistake or error of judgement therefore you don't care for me" attitude is horrible.

aliasojo

VestanPance wrote: »

Her actions from what the OP posts could easily be triggered by fear. A normal reaction would be less dramatic to the potential of risk. I'd say the fact these things would appear to trigger such a response is mostly likely fear driven.

No matter what your fears are people don't act rationally when they are frightened.

Yes I see your point.

I don't agree though. :D

I think her less than calm reactions stem from frustration (re her OH) rather than fear.

That was certainly my experience.

j.e.j.

pelirocco wrote: »

I hate to think what it will be like if you have kids , It seems she sees danger everywhere ,

This reminds me of a character on the Catherine Tate show a few years ago, I wonder if it's on YouTube. She plays this woman who's got a young baby and the woman's SO-OO uptight and neurotic. There's a scene where they drive to someone's house, and when they get there she won't let her or her husband get out of the car because it'll wake the baby up :rotfl:

There are people like that, just so fearful and perfectionist. They just can't enjoy life.

aliasojo

suki1001 wrote: »

The problem is you've got to have a good memory to remember to remind yourself in the first place.

I think in order for it to help, you need to jot things down instantly.

We have Post-it pads and pens all over the house to help with this.

Pollycat

masonn
I'd say you've been lucky in not having your mobile or wallet stolen.

If the wife has OCD, then I can understand (and empathise to a certain extent) with her.

I agree that the OP seems to be a bit 'slap-dash' about some things and I can see how it affects the wife, given her OCD tendencies.

Maybe this last episode (leaving the wondow open) that sparked off this thread was just the last in a long line.

I still can't believe they had the exchange by text instead of talking about it face-to-face though.