Always just friends

VestanPance

Saturnalia wrote: »

See that's what I've always been told, that a man who likes someone will ask them out, and not only that, they'll do it quickly, thinking that if the other person is that great, they'll have lots of interest and they'd better get in quick before she takes up another offer!

It just never happens to me. Eleven bloody years!

I think quickly would depend on how confident they are, and not all men are confident when it comes to approaching someone they like. In fact I'd say a lot of the classically single "nice guys" are often very quiet and can be painfully shy when attracted to someone.

Eleven years is a long time though. I'd say just take control of the situation. If you meet a single guy you like just him ask him out.

Dunroamin

Saturnalia wrote: »

I have tried online sites and came away more demoralised than ever. For a start, it's all about appearance and that doesn't work for me, I decide I like someone after I've spoken to them and I like their personality.

The only messages I ever got were from men who clearly hadn't read my profile, wrote in textspeak, wanted one thing only and had profile pics of them posing with the lads, holding their pints aloft and looking lairy. Not a positive experience, it left me feeling more than ever like no-one wanted what I had to offer.

!

Didn't you contact anybody you liked the look of or did you just wait for people to contact you?

alleycat`

As a bloke my best and only advice is to just ask.

I know it is hard but once i got to my early/mid 20's i'd discovered the following:-

The worst that can happen is they can say no.

Accepting this saved me a lot of the faffing about and let downs of my late teens very early 20's where i did a lot of what you are describing (all be it reversed gender wise).

Men can't read minds, despite what my Wife now believes

heartbreak_star

Yep, I let my OH slip through my hands as friends one too many times over the past 12/13 years...this time I had to bite the bullet. I really don't think I'm good enough for him, but we went for catch-up drinks that ended in a kiss and carried on from there...he seems happy enough and I'm over the moon

Take control - and good luck!

HBS x

londonsurrey

VestanPance wrote: »

I don't ever recall dating londonsurrey!

Well, I wasn't using my real name then,
... unlike here

Saturnalia

dizsiebubba wrote: »

Just also to add... do you think perhaps you might give off the impression that you are very independant? just wondering if ment think you don't need them? x

Just a bit confused by this, I thought men liked independent women and being needy was a big turn-off?

londonsurrey wrote: »

Do you try mirroring body language and other stereotypical gestures like playing with your hair and very subtly running your finger up and down a wineglass?

My problem is that I'm a tactile fiddler and had to learn to stop playing with my hair. Lol.

It sounds silly and calculated, but the majority of the population do all these little things without thinking about it, so don't feel to stupid trying them.

Birdie85 wrote: »

Read this book 'Superflirt', it will help you work on what kind of body language to use and it'll also make you more aware of other people's body language, so even if you don't feel comfortable twirling your hair and biting your lip you'll pick up on what the men around you are doing to indicate that they're interested in you.

Could be interesting to learn! I don't do fiddling so much (I thought hair-twirling was supposed to look sexy anyway!), sadly I tend to flap my right hand and click my nails together, which probably looks demented more than sexy! :rotfl:

Hell, anything is worth a try at this point!

SandC

Saturnalia, in my experience many men say they want an independent woman but when they've got one they don't like it cos they don't feel needed. I also have seen so many times men saying they don't like insecure/needy women yet keep going back to them for more of the same.....

Saturnalia

londonsurrey wrote: »

First of all, what is the new girl like? What differences do you have? For a lot of people, they have a certain "type" that they like.

Basic signals are important. How is your eye contact? How do you angle your body towards someone you're interested in? Posture, etc?

Same sort of height, build, age, but apart from that, very different! I have a flame-red crop cut, she has mid-length fluffy blonde hair. She's more pretty, I'm more striking. She's Boden, I wear way too much leopardskin and 5 shades of red in one outfit!

The posture thing is something I have to work on, I know. I tend to sit with one knee over the other and my hands draped over resting by the opposite hip, so I know that looks very closed up, but it's how I'm comfortable sitting, I wouldn't know what to do with my limbs otherwise.

hazyjo wrote: »

I don't think he knew you fancied him. All I can say is - jump in there bloody quick girl if they split up!

:rotfl: Everyone is saying that, but I can't see that happening. They look absolutely lost in one another all the time and all I can think is that no-one has ever looked at me like that.

Lotus-eater

SandC wrote: »

Saturnalia, in my experience many men say they want an independent woman but when they've got one they don't like it cos they don't feel needed.

That's............. about right

Lotus-eater

Saturnalia wrote: »

Same sort of height, build, age, but apart from that, very different! I have a flame-red crop cut, she has mid-length fluffy blonde hair. She's more pretty, I'm more striking. She's Boden, I wear way too much leopardskin and 5 shades of red in one outfit!

You sound very interesting, but some people prefer Boden

Don't take this the wrong way, but with the leopardskin the red and the hair, you probably scare some men off.
I'm not saying change, just pointing out what may be happening.