MSE Pregnancy Club 25

dizziblonde

pigpen wrote: »

That's easy.. have everything ready and waiting and nothing else planned.. If you are sat waiting it won't happen.. that is also the best cure for hiccups.. wait for the next one!

Didn't work for me - had everything washed, sorted, nursery done, all stuff bought and ready... bam 33 weeker! (Meant the only "prep" we needed to do to bring her home was moving the moses basket across rooms though)

IHateDida

pigpen wrote: »

That's easy.. have everything ready and waiting and nothing else planned.. If you are sat waiting it won't happen.. that is also the best cure for hiccups.. wait for the next one!

So I guess working up until my due date will make me early then An early baby could cost me around £1k as I am planning on doing some ad-hoc work from home after I leave my main job on maternity leave (although I have asked to be unpaid for a week from my main job so I can take it on - otherwise it interferes with the maternity pay I believe??).

I only get this opportunity once a year and sods law that it overlaps nearly with my due date!:rotfl:

BeNiceToMySelf

is everyone buying brand new or second hand things for baby? I think OH wants brand new but I don't mind second hand clothes.

chonorla

IHateDida wrote: »

So I guess working up until my due date will make me early then An early baby could cost me around £1k as I am planning on doing some ad-hoc work from home after I leave my main job on maternity leave (although I have asked to be unpaid for a week from my main job so I can take it on - otherwise it interferes with the maternity pay I believe??).

I only get this opportunity once a year and sods law that it overlaps nearly with my due date!:rotfl:

IHateDida - If its any consolation - I worked up to my due date with all 3 of my others. First was 2 weeks late ended in an induction, second one was 3 days late and the 3rd was an early induction due to size of baby (but I still worked up to the day before at 38 weeks). I am never overly organised, as I am not with this one, so I think its just a case of see what happens Everything is still in packets, not washed - hadn't even thought of any of that yet

Welcome and I am sure you are not "elderly" although I think I am with this pregnancy :rotfl: so we can be elderly together :):)

Benicetomyself - I don't mind second hand stuff except car seat and matresses. We are starting from scratch again as I swore no more babies after my 3rd and gave everything away...

I have a mixture this time - one second hand pram and one new one - very cheap from Argos (one is a 3 wheeler as we do a lot of walking with the kids and holidays are usually in the middle of nowhere), clothes are a mixture of Next babygros (love these as they are roomy for my chunky babies and have the mitts attached) from the sale and ebay and jackets from the Debenhams sale, new blankets on offer from H&M, bottles and steriliser from Mothercare on offer and a sling which was given to me. Only really need somewhere for him to sleep and the car seat I only do the basics as I have wasted so much money on "useful" baby stuff over the years that people have told me they could not live without

Oh and am currently watching a few cosytoes on ebay - secondhand of course . Maybe you and OH could agree on a mixture of new and secondhand? I have always done this because it is nice to have some new bits especially when it is your first baby

dizziblonde

I have a lot of second hand clothes as someone gave me them for my last baby - like bin bags full of Next stuff.

Bah - hubby can't get to work from home on Friday so we can get the car fixed sick of no heating in it and a dodgy passenger side door (I strongly suspect our local free range kid from down the street who is always kicked out to play away from her own house and ends up outside ours for hours every night playing in the middle of the road has been swinging off the door handle which is why it's broken).

IHateDida

BeNiceToMySelf wrote: »

is everyone buying brand new or second hand things for baby? I think OH wants brand new but I don't mind second hand clothes.

I have bought 2nd hand cot and changing table but clothes are new (but cheap - from supermarkets or on sale). Everything else is new but a bargain - eg. £102 Obaby pram!!!:rotfl:

pigpen

dizziblonde wrote: »

Didn't work for me - had everything washed, sorted, nursery done, all stuff bought and ready... bam 33 weeker! (Meant the only "prep" we needed to do to bring her home was moving the moses basket across rooms though)

I hadn't even bought nappies in when I had DS3 at 30 weeks. I even knew he would be early! DS2 was 32 weeks and bit of a surprise but I had nothing ready for him either.

I now aim for everything sorted by 35 weeks.. if they arrive before then they'll be in hospital a week or so, I'll therefore have time to do some shopping and washing.. or rather.. I order online and OH washes it all.

dizziblonde

I think this might well be the worst fortnight in my life coming up. (Sorry - venty - and possibly worrying to anyone who doesn't like "bad" birth stories)

I'm NOT ok - I'm hitting the point where things went so badly wrong last time (I'm 32 weeks on Wed, and well, see sig)... I've had to come off the anxiety meds that were making things remotely bearable (they like you off them 4 weeks before birth so there's no chance of the baby being born affected by them - and of course with delivering early last time - I'd never forgive myself if I delivered early still on medication this time). Although the formal diagnosis is that I have a very severe anxiety disorder - I think it's more PTSD but underwritten by the fact that if they admitted that - they're acknowledging I went through something to justify that kind of reaction, so they won't.

The meds I was on weren't the greatest - but they were ones they'd switched me to when I found out I was pregnant again (and yes, the two pregnancies are close together - partly because after 6 years for a first child we couldn't afford to wait for "perfection" with a second, and partly because if I'd stopped and thought about it - what they put me through would have meant I'd never have a second - and they would have stolen that chance away from me) and took the edge off things and made things somewhat more bearable - but now the combination of the next couple of weeks being crunch point where I see if history's going to repeat itself, plus the meds being out of my system - means I'm utterly falling apart at the seams and everything's beginning to snowball in quite a nasty way.

I'm back to crying constantly, especially at nighttimes (so I don't sleep) - plus every time I cry it upsets my wonderful dear sweet perfect little girl - and seeing her so unsettled by it, and having to know she's seeing her mum this way so much is breaking my heart to the extent I was thinking at the weekend that perhaps it would be better for her if social services HAD taken her away to a non-screwed up mummy... and the crying and mixed up feelings are only getting worse (I keep hoping if I grit my teeth and put on the act I can make it to the magic week 34 and it'll start to be some of the pressure off in terms of potential NICU stays and the like - but that requires getting through week 32 and the hideousness of week 33 first). It's a combination of things terrifying me - the feeling of utter powerlessness if I end up in another bad situation with no pain relief that I won't be able to challenge anything they want to do to me for fear of another incident as a resistant patient being referred to social services and putting our big girl and the new baby at risk... it's the fear the hospital I'm booked in at will have their unit closed to admissions at the time (it's quite common unfortunately - our city's hospitals cannot cope - we regularly have women sent to Derby, Leicester, Lincoln and other more exotic destinations) and they'll send me back to where it was last time... it's the fear of another prem birth and them keeping me to "room in" (translation - do all the tube feeds but while starving yourself because "we're not bothered about the mothers - just the babies", and we'll yell at you and treat you like crap for things that aren't your fault) for weeks and weeks on end and the impact that'll have on my big little girl (who is going through that really angsty separation anxiety phase anyway)... and it's the fear that I'll do or say anything that'll trigger them looking at my file, seeing the previous SS referral (case closed but it'll always hang around) and re-open it, or they'll decide they need to do it automatically on my mental health (which THEY flipping shredded) grounds... I have nightmares every night about that happening and them deciding to take my girls, and they've even started creeping into the daytime now (I'm sat here now sobbing and all messed up and I feel like this all the time).

Can't really reinforce to the doc how badly this is all hitting me as I need to stay under the radar or THEY'LL have to refer me to SS... midwife is doing what she can to push for help from the hospital, and I see the specialist MW there end of this week - but I don't see getting much more than a pep talk and an "it'll be ok" from that avenue. It's not as if it's even like a typical case of birth trauma where women can push for an elective section - if anything THAT scares me more because it's longer caught up in the NHS system where they can put me through more stuff.

Added in that hubby was awful last time - just complained his back hurt, and he was tired and he needed to sleep and then sat there as they yelled at me and bullied me and threatened me - and he'd promised me faithfully he'd be different this time, and that he understood I needed him to be a bit of a "caveman - you no upset my wife ug ug ug" type creature rather than assuming I was strong enough to handle it all myself... and now it seems like he's slipped right back and is just denying all of this has to happen again and he's just going to let me right down (I really felt last time that he let them do what they wanted to me - and it took a lot of work to repair that rift and feelings of resentment on both sides) to the extent I told him yesterday that if he's going to be how he is at present - I don't even want him IN the room with me - he can go home and look after our big girlie and at least be useful and I'll just go it alone if I have to (instead of having to worry about his poorly back and him feeling a bit tired).

Can't really fall back on my mum - although she's trying to help - she still persists in telling her friends "amusing" tales about how her daughter was in premature labour, being bullied by a nurse from hell and sending her mother "all these wonderful completely neurotic texts" (they weren't - I was effing terrified and in pain, this woman was a monster and I knew I was utterly at her mercy for the night) and going on about how utterly "paranoid" I am... and I can't fight her labelling me as a fruit loop and this negative language she constantly uses to describe me - as that's material for a family rift for the next decade if I do that. She's helping - but it's in her own very practical way, and I do need that help (hence I can't argue over the neurotic paranoid stuff) in terms of her former occupation having some potential leverage if the hospital behave badly this time... I just imagine they'll tread a bit more sensitively if they have an ex award winning journalist's daughter in the ward - it's probably the one real thing I have in my arsenal to mentally fall back on at the moment.

Add in I'm in constant pain from my pelvis (which my hubby really doesn't get - he's gone through the motions for about 3 weeks of being helpful and now slipped right back into begrudging it) so when the nightmares DO stop I've got that to deal with, and the fact I'm now at that point where they all seem contractually obliged to start with the breastfeeding bullying - which I really don't want to have to deal with yet since that is all very very bound up with the circumstances of last birth and the whole NICU situation - but it's getting brought up constantly as well as everything else.

I also have to see the (very useless, does not listen) consultant this week - and I'm kind of expecting her to throw the previous massive tear into the equation out of the blue (I'm expecting some kind of bombshell - this is the obvious one) and to suddenly start huffing and puffing about that... despite the fact it's been on my notes from the start and I mentioned it at the start of the pregnancy when I last saw her.

I'm just falling apart - hubby's gone into emotional shutdown so isn't approachable over any of this - he'll just lie there listening to me cry at night or sitting watching me cry - I know he's got his own stuff to deal with over the last birth - he got to see them resuscitate her, and he got to see them manually remove chunks of shredded placenta (and turned around at the wrong time and got a full view of the bucket of it) and I know it did quite badly affect him - but he's not the one that's got to go through it all again.

I just dunno what to do - I've tried to throw myself into the practical elements of ensuring continuity for big girlie - but even then - my mum doesn't quite get that things need to be run whiter than white at home while I'm out of action in case SS get involved again - she's quite happy to go on about muddling on, but if they DO get involved - they'll do a home visit and the house cannot be in disarray at all. And MIL is just going to descend and no doubt behave as appallingly as last time (she shoved me physically out of the way when our baby was having her first bath, chucked a melodramatic hysteric fit of upset when she first saw her, and repeatedly yanked the baby out of my arms when she cried) and hubby will never back me on any of this - he'll just complain my mum has more involvement (because my mum puts the effort in to come down and SEE her grand daughter and doesn't just DEMAND she's shoved on skype every week).

I'm just tired, in pain, and increasingly flipping terrified - and I'm tired of falling back on my default position of pretending it's all going to be OK and I'm strong and sorted.

Jewels1207

Hi All,

this is my first pregnancy and am now at 36 weeks. Not sure what to expect from the labour but I can say I am terrified. Is anyone else feeling really nervious about the unknown.

Plus was at the midwife today and she said although the baby is head down, he/she is lying back to back. My friend was back to back during her labour which was very long and painful so this has made me even more aprehensive about the labour. I know there's still time for them to turn and have some exercises but still feeling even more nervous about it now.

Jewels

iwannabeonthebeach

Jewels1207 wrote: »

Hi All,

this is my first pregnancy and am now at 36 weeks. Not sure what to expect from the labour but I can say I am terrified. Is anyone else feeling really nervious about the unknown.

Plus was at the midwife today and she said although the baby is head down, he/she is lying back to back. My friend was back to back during her labour which was very long and painful so this has made me even more aprehensive about the labour. I know there's still time for them to turn and have some exercises but still feeling even more nervous about it now.

Jewels

I am 38 weeks with my first
My baby is breech so having a section next week. I feel exactly the same - it's the fear of the unknown. But i keep telling myself to thing of all the people who've done it before! And you will be in the best place should you need pain relief etc. It will all be worth it in the end