MSE Pregnancy Club 25

MushyPeas

morocha so sorry to hear things are difficult, ((((hugs)))) xx

morocha

My DD is really upset and it is making me feel terrible about my choice. But i know if i dont resolve this now it will not get better and do not want her going through this again.
I love my husband i do but i want to feel that he wants to be with me, that he loves me, not that I am the right thing to do, i dont want him to want to be with me because of the children, that is not going to work.

Rups32

no you are right morocha. not for the sake of it as so many people try that and say that for the kids sake but the parents end up being more upset.. so you say you love him and you know he loves you? would you both considering come counselling then? that might help?

morocha

i would but he does not want that. It is hard enough to get him to the doctors, he started to take his pill yesterday cos he can not cope with life at the minute, it is getting that bad for him. I am really giving him time to be free and do what he wants, if he thinks finding someone else will make him happy, then that is his choice, but i dont want regrets or to be told that he "has to be with me" I want it to be his choice.

Bamama

Terrible sleep. Finally felt tired around 4! Heard OH get up for work at half 6. Admittedly I did then sleep through until 11.

Thanks for the responses about visiting ladies. I didn't ever imagine that anyone would want to rush down and camp out like you see on tv and films. I sort of presumed it was just about me, OH, baby and midwives. It's going to be strange enough as my mother works in the hospital so there are a few people I know... including most of the portering staff. Guess we'll see. Will ask MW what the rules are Friday.

Morocha, how old is DD? Maybe there's some things you could explain to her (like Mammy was getting very stressed and it's better for baby if Daddy doesn't stay for a while. So Mammy can be calm but you both still love her very much.)Could she go to stay with your husband for the night? Or try and arrange a Daddy/daughter day? Or set aside an hour in the night where he visits and spends time with just her?

Rups32

isnt he asking to be with you though? I dont know.. its hard esp as i am not in your position and you know it better than anyone else...you said you have given him chances but it is really upto him..i had a friend who was depressed, and she was way beyond help. i would suggest stuff to her but as she was depressed, nothing worked. the thing with this friend was she was just not willing to make any changes to he life or accept things, so she just carried on. she had relationship issues and wouldnt change anything. i think for a change to happen, one has to be the one to make the change and help themselves. no one else can make it change or do it for them.

its like with my mum. thank god she is strong, because we lost my sister 2 years ago and my mum was grieving and the doc was so quick to say that my mum was depressed. thankfully my mum saw the situation and said she was grieving and doesnt need anti depressants and yeah she went through a period of not chatting to people much or going out but she eventually knew she has to get out of this herself. its hard but can be done.

Bamama

Marta, about the discharge... is it lumpy at all? Or smelly stronger? It could be a mild yeast infection (I know they say discharge changes a lot but I'd get it checked out as if it is thrust they like to get it treated so you're clear of it for labour).

morocha

bamama, sorry u did not sleep much today, hugs..
DD is 5, i just explained to her that something mummies and daddies have problem that they need to resolve, she asked what kind of problems, she is very inquisite. He picks her up everyday to take her to school and drops her back in the afternoon, he then comes in the evening for an hour before bed. Fridays she stays at nannys to be with them all.
Saturdays are their daddy-daughters days. She is re assured and treated lots in this hard time but she is not happy, which i understand.

Rups, what my husband is going through is not a thing that he can help in the sense that he has always had depression, his dad has it too, they actually need to take the medicine, otherwise they fall into pieces, can not cope with life.

Rups32

bamama sorry i forgot to say that sorry you slept badly. hugs.xxx hope tonight will be good for both you and me

i understand morocha, that some people def need it. it is very hard in this country as well esp as you said his dad had it too. what was he like when you guys first met and when got married?i guess explaining to your dd would be the best thing to do and your little girl is wise so i am sure with time, she will know that mum and sad are not happy together. feel sad for you. hugs xx

Bamama

I'm glad DD gets so much time with him still. I know it must be hard to see her upset but just give her a hug and carry on. She'll understand and should soon get used to the situation *big squishy hugs* xxx

It's ok Rups, I forgive you :P gotta go for stupid bloods again. My iron is still low ><