Curfew for a 17 year old

peachyprice

Oh don't take it personally alex. He's probably still asleep. It's his first little tatse of a 'free house', they were probably up most of the night.

One of mine stayed with his friend for three days a few weeks ago while he was house sitting for his nan, they were up most of the night and weren't getting up until the afternoon. It's such a long summer holiday, they seem to get into the habit of sleeping later which leads to getting up later, bit of a vicious circle.

alex21

peachyprice wrote: »

Oh don't take it personally alex. He's probably still asleep. It's his first little tatse of a 'free house', they were probably up most of the night.

One of mine stayed with his friend for three days a few weeks ago while he was house sitting for his nan, they were up most of the night and weren't getting up until the afternoon. It's such a long summer holiday, they seem to get into the habit of sleeping later which leads to getting up later, bit of a vicious circle.

You are spot on peachyprice! I just got a voice text thing which started ha ha I appear to have slept in but I will be home in an hour or so!!! I am going for calm and chilled but not a total doormat. I should say as well that when we spoke yesterday, the first thing he did (unprompted by me) was apologise for the way he spoke to me. I know his grandmother spoke to him and as he is her golden boy, she was very disappointed to hear about the rudeness. She made her feelings very clear to him about that.:)

juliethemuse

lolavix wrote: »

Sorry if I sound harsh but all you'll end up doing is pushing him away.

My mum gave me ridiculous curfews when I lived at home - I left as soon as I could and we now very rarely speak. Is that what you want your relationship with your son to be like. Give him a bit of freedom for both your sakes

couldnt have put that better myself. at 17 my mum told me i HAD to be home at 9pm!! and if i was a couple of minutes late she would come looking for me and making me a laughing stock amongst my friends.
never really forgotton that and i'm now 47!
all i ask of my kids is they let me know if they are staying out all night so i can lock the door.

alex21

There is a bit of a difference between 9pm and 1am!! I hope I am not that bad. I agree about the letting you know about locking the door. We live in a bungalow and I could not feel safe going to sleep with the door unlocked. He does have a key but it is not getting left open if he forgets his key. I am happy to get up and let him in rather than leave it open.

alex21

All is peace and tranquility. Ds is sound asleep after late night and we had a long chat. Our issues took 5 minutes. He is clearly more appreciative of his home having spent the night with a 16 yr old friend who it transpires very worryingly is on his own to all intents and purposes. Parents have left with younger sibling and it is unclear if this is temporary or permanent. The house is apparently a tip and the child is dangerously apathetic. Not eating properly and DS very concerned but the boy is 16. He will monitor over the next week but is unable to get much info as his impression is the boy knows very little himself mainly whether parents intend to return. Any advice as to apparent parental abandonment at age 16. They have been gone for a month apparently.:eek:

BitterAndTwisted

Good Lord! Does the 16 year-old know where they have gone? Have they left him any money for day-to-day housekeeping and the bills?

Sorry, but I can't comprehend this. They could come back to the house burned down or something.

alex21

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Good Lord! Does the 16 year-old know where they have gone? Have they left him any money for day-to-day housekeeping and the bills?
This is what Ds told me. The parents have a new house and 16 yr did not want to move to another part of Ireland(has just finished GCSes) The boy does not know if they will be back or who is paying any bills. He has an 18 yr old brother who he sees very rarely who gives him a few quid for food. He has no sense of the reality of situation according to Ds. His biggest worry is what has happened to one of the 6 chickens in the back garden which has disappeared. His day seems to consist of sleeping and then going out in the evening on the goodwill of his friends. Ds says the house is an absolute mess and would not have stayed a 2nd night. The boy does not seem to want to talk about this but I know now and feel some obligation but cannot compell him to do anything. I have only met this boy twice. DS says that he has not eaten a proper cooked meal for over a month when the parents left:eek:

poet123

alex21 wrote: »

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Good Lord! Does the 16 year-old know where they have gone? Have they left him any money for day-to-day housekeeping and the bills?
This is what Ds told me. The parents have a new house and 16 yr did not want to move to another part of Ireland(has just finished GCSes) The boy does not know if they will be back or who is paying any bills. He has an 18 yr old brother who he sees very rarely who gives him a few quid for food. He has no sense of the reality of situation according to Ds. His biggest worry is what has happened to one of the 6 chickens in the back garden which has disappeared. His day seems to consist of sleeping and then going out in the evening on the goodwill of his friends. Ds says the house is an absolute mess and would not have stayed a 2nd night. The boy does not seem to want to talk about this but I know now and feel some obligation but cannot compell him to do anything. I have only met this boy twice. DS says that he has not eaten a proper cooked meal for over a month when the parents left:eek:

And you thought things couldn't get worse yesterday!! This is what happens when you have kids isn't it? We lurch from one crisis to another!! Good luck with this one, the parents seem quite irresponsible or the lad is not telling the full story.

shellsuit

Can you not contact the Police, to see if they can pop in to see the lad and see if what he says is true?

If he's 16, there's no way he should have been left in a house on his own for a month by his own parents!

BitterAndTwisted

The no proper cooked meals doesn't surprise me at all. How many 16 year olds know how to shop, never mind cook for themselves?

Surely, if they have a new house they are going to need to sell the one this child is living in, aren't they?

I'd have invited him round to mine for a decent home-cooked meal by now.

Is a 16 year old legally an adult? I'd be having a think about contacting Social Services about his situation. I might be terribly naive but I'm truly shocked by this story.