Curfew for a 17 year old

alex21

poet123 wrote: »

alex21 wrote: »

And you thought things couldn't get worse yesterday!! This is what happens when you have kids isn't it? We lurch from one crisis to another!! Good luck with this one, the parents seem quite irresponsible or the lad is not telling the full story.

Apparently the parents are quite affluent and very pleasant but totally disinterested in any of their sons. Perhaps they and I are just the 2 extremes of parenting!! I have told son to encourage this boy to come here to eat and keep me informed of the situation. Ds plans to have a chat with a few of the more mature of his friends and see what they think. Would I be right in thinking that social services would not be interested? Don't worry, I am not jumping the gun but would hate to see this lad slip through the cracks based on his age.

alex21

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

The no proper cooked meals doesn't surprise me at all. How many 16 year olds know how to shop, never mind cook for themselves?

Surely, if they have a new house they are going to need to sell the one this child is living in, aren't they?

I'd have invited him round to mine for a decent home-cooked meal by now.

Is a 16 year old legally an adult? I'd be having a think about contacting Social Services about his situation. I might be terribly naive but I'm truly shocked by this story.

No you are right to be. I was appalled. I am trying to find out if there are any parents of ds friends who know the boys parents and may have a contact number. Ds says there has not been a for sale sign up but that he doesn't know if the house is rented. I did ask about any relatives. (where the heck are they) The parents are far enough away that it would not be feasible to commute to work but they could be retired for all I know. As I said, there does not appear to be any lack of money. As for the food, son was told not to eat something that was in the fridge as it had been there since parents left

PasturesNew

I lived in a small village. Until I was 17 I had to be in by the time it was dark - I spent my time sitting on the village green, on the bench. Then I got a bf with a car and until I was 19 I had to be in by 10:30pm Sun-Thu nights and 10:45 on Fri/Sat nights.

Jinx

alex21 wrote: »

poet123 wrote: »

Apparently the parents are quite affluent and very pleasant but totally disinterested in any of their sons. Perhaps they and I are just the 2 extremes of parenting!! I have told son to encourage this boy to come here to eat and keep me informed of the situation. Ds plans to have a chat with a few of the more mature of his friends and see what they think. Would I be right in thinking that social services would not be interested? Don't worry, I am not jumping the gun but would hate to see this lad slip through the cracks based on his age.

You could have him stay with you.... Im sure hed happily go with any rules to have his dinners made and someone to look after him

Im not sure if 16 is an adult in England, I know it is in Scotland where I am, but even then I dont think I would have left my daughter for a month! Much scarier thought than an argument over curfews......

jellyhead

I know somebody who was abandoned by his parents when he was 16. His neighbours took him in until he was old enough to go into a sort of hostel-type place for teens.

As for your son, I can understand him wanting to do what his friends do and have the same freedoms, so if I were you I'd drop the 1am curfew but ONLY if he sticks to your rules and they must include answering his phone if you call or text him!

We've had a similar battle this year with my 15 year old who is the youngest in his year so his friends are 16 and have a lot more freedom. My husband goes to bed at ten on work nights, and the problems included not trusting our son to lock the door when he walks in and him being noisy on the doorstep with friends and disturbing our sleep. He had to prove that he was grown up enough to keep him phone charged up, and he had to answer when we tried to contact him. He must send a text if he will be sleeping over with a friend.

Luckily the way our door works is that we can lock it from the inside and remove the key, and then he can use his own key to get in.

He had to prove to us that he would remember to lock the door when he comes in at night. Other than that there's no real reason why he MUST be here before we go to bed, but of course that depends on what he is doing, who he is with and whether he is likely to get into any bother. We've had talks about drinking, walking through the town centre (where he is likely to get beaten up by drunken chavs who don't like his style of dress) etc.

Obviously it's a little different because he's in the school year below yours and isn't going to nightclubs but what worked for us is laying out what the problems are, how him being inconsiderate affects people who have to get up for work the next day etc. and us talking through how we might compromise.

shellsuit

alex21 wrote: »

No you are right to be. I was appalled. I am trying to find out if there are any parents of ds friends who know the boys parents and may have a contact number. Ds says there has not been a for sale sign up but that he doesn't know if the house is rented. I did ask about any relatives. (where the heck are they) The parents are far enough away that it would not be feasible to commute to work but they could be retired for all I know. As I said, there does not appear to be any lack of money. As for the food, son was told not to eat something that was in the fridge as it had been there since parents left

Have you contacted anyone regarding the lad?

He's the same age as my son and I wouldn't dream of leaving him for 24 hours, never mind a month, the mind boggles!

If you don't want to contact the Police or SS, I would be quite happy to do it!

He's not an adult yet, he is 16 and has been abandoned his parents.

If it's all a story, he'll soon get found out, but isn't it better to contact someone ASAP and get to the bottom of it?

alex21

Ds is meeting him tomorrow night and will try to get to the bottom of this. Had a wee look at NSPCC sites etc but they refer to children and it is quite hard to find a definition of a child. I think he is a minor perhaps, that is, in the eyes of the law. I have found out where the brother works so I may get some answers out of him. If no joy I may call round at the weekend to see for myself but I do not want to alienate my son either. My son's says that the future for this lad is bleak and can be laid squarely at the door of parents who have done nothing to engage with any of their 3 sons except provide a roof over their heads and clothes etc. This lad is musically talented but has had no encouragement at home from what I hear. Very sad situation.:mad:

shellsuit

alex21 wrote: »

Ds is meeting him tomorrow night and will try to get to the bottom of this. Had a wee look at NSPCC sites etc but they refer to children and it is quite hard to find a definition of a child. I think he is a minor perhaps, that is, in the eyes of the law. I have found out where the brother works so I may get some answers out of him. If no joy I may call round at the weekend to see for myself but I do not want to alienate my son either. My son's says that the future for this lad is bleak and can be laid squarely at the door of parents who have done nothing to engage with any of their 3 sons except provide a roof over their heads and clothes etc. This lad is musically talented but has had no encouragement at home from what I hear. Very sad situation.:mad:

You son needn't know if you contact someone over his friend.

Wouldn't you want someone to help your lad if he was in trouble?

Please, do the right thing.

If the lad was younger, say 10 or 12, would you still say the same, or would you do something ASAP?

dragonette

I have a horrible certainty that although 16 is a minor financially, he would be deemed adult with regards to work and housing. If a 16 year old runs away the police cannot force them to return like they can with a 15 year old.

16 year olds in care are sometimes moved into half way houses or HA/council tenancies.

I feel really bad for the poor lad, he must feel just about worthless right now hopefully something can be done for him, preferably involving parents to do their job! Is he still in education? In Scotland parents are expected to support offspring in education up to 25 years old.

Glad he's got a good friend in you son

BitterAndTwisted

I wouldn't rely on your son being able to get the full picture. Why not ask your son to invite him round for dinner so you can find out what's what?

I'd have been on the phone to either SS or the NSPCC by now.

That poor lad, the very thought of him abandoned like that is making me want to cry.