Curfew for a 17 year old

balletshoes

It depends - I'm guessing your son is still in FT education? i was working at 16, so I didn't have a curfew, but I always called home in the evening if I knew I was going to be out all night/very late home. I'll be expecting my DD to do the same when she's that age if she's living at home, and I don't think its an unreasonable request.

Dunroamin

Sorry to be the odd one out but I think 0100's rather late for a 17 year old.

alex21

my mum agrees and that is who he will be staying with.

alex21

To update. Ds has left the building. Bag was packed. I told him he can stay at his grandmothers for the rest of the week as he will have to get a train to and from there and the last one home is 11.30. He said an extension to 2am would be more reasonable. I said that the things he had said to me were extremely hurtful but he laughed and thought that they were just words that didn't mean anything whereas I took hurtful actions. I said they really did hurt me to which he responded "shucks" and left. By the way, Skylight, you were right. I AM the only parent who imposes a curfew. I am in bits as he is only DS but I won't back down or I will have no authority. But part of me says is this a battle really worth fighting. As he points out, he is months away from being an adult (legally) and what am I going to do when he is at uni?:(

peachyprice

You haven't said, is he at 6th form/college?

If he's still having to get up for that every morning or for work then yes, a curfew is essential, if he's finished for summer not so.

shellsuit

alex21 wrote: »

To update. Ds has left the building. Bag was packed. I told him he can stay at his grandmothers for the rest of the week as he will have to get a train to and from there and the last one home is 11.30. He said an extension to 2am would be more reasonable. I said that the things he had said to me were extremely hurtful but he laughed and thought that they were just words that didn't mean anything whereas I took hurtful actions. I said they really did hurt me to which he responded "shucks" and left. By the way, Skylight, you were right. I AM the only parent who imposes a curfew. I am in bits as he is only DS but I won't back down or I will have no authority. But part of me says is this a battle really worth fighting. As he points out, he is months away from being an adult (legally) and what am I going to do when he is at uni?

What was your response to that?

What are his reasons for staying out till 2 and why are you so against him staying out for 1 more hour?

Meadows

I think this depends on your trust in him, his behavioral age (is he responsible for his age) and then ultimately what you yourself are most comfortable with.

To say you want him in and in bed asleep before you wake for work at 05:45 means he could come in any time up to that almost, so are you happy for him to be out all night?

You need to come to some agreement of a time that is a happy medium for both or have an understanding that if he stays at a friends over night he calls home at a certain time.

Is he still in education or is he working, in which case he needs to get a good nights sleep to be able to be alert the following day.

Part of growing up is learning the boundaries and whether you like it or not we all have restriction as an adult and he is not far from that now. If he wants to be treated like an adult then he must behave like one and see that he is open to and able to abide by a mutual decision.

Lozzy88

peachyprice wrote: »

If he's still having to get up for that every morning or for work then yes, a curfew is essential, if he's finished for summer not so.

I think at 17 he should have the savvy to get him self up for work/college regardless of what time he rolls in and then deals with any consequences

alex21

peachyprice wrote: »

You haven't said, is he at 6th form/college?

If he's still having to get up for that every morning or for work then yes, a curfew is essential, if he's finished for summer not so.

He is in 6th form so he is on summer holidays at the moment.

MrsManda

When he's at uni you won't have any control at all (unless he's staying living at home) so will have to accept that you won't know where he is most of the time.

Until then as others have said it's your home and you're responsible for him until he's 18 so your house your rules.
On saying that school nights I had to be home by 9pm unless we'd negotiated an alternative time. I never had a curfew at weekends from 16 years.

I told my mum roughly where I was going and who I would be with and I taught her to use text messages on her mobile. This meant that I had the freedom to decide to stay out all night while I was out rather than letting my mum before going out which I often did as getting home was difficult (last train was 11pm so if I wanted to be out after then I had to stay out all night).

I texted her when I wasn't coming home so if she woke up during the night she could check her phone and know I was safe if I wasn't home.

However my mum knew she could trust me to keep her informed and if there was a reason for me to be home at a certain time when we negotiated. I don't remember ever arguing with her about it.

I hope you manage to sort things out with your son, it must be hard. I'm glad I have 16 years before I need to deal with it.