How do i tell my wife im £37k in debt

Horasio

You must come clean - if she finds out - she is likely to leave anyway.

If she cares, she will listen and try and help you.

My OH had some debt and lied about the amount - we worked it out together and haven't had any debt since. Our son, however, has a rotten attitude to money.

He should read your post.

Without prejudice, how did you get that way?

grade15

why not call Martin and get you on the show..so when you tell your wife.. she can only cry a bit and can't hate you too much.. and Martin can show you the ways to get out of debt..or you could do some other shows with the same format.. :dance:

savingforoz

If and when you tell her, how about telling her how you intend to tackle it, then she can see that you are taking steps to sort the problem.

bobbie78

ok I agree with what other people have said however you might want to start a new thread going through the info below because it might be easier to tell your partner if you can also show you are taking steps to sort the problem, even if they are baby steps it is a start and will show you both that it isn't the end of the known universe it is just another one of those bumps in life you need to negotiate.

First off you need to have a read through SS's first timers thread and post an SOA showing what your income and outgoings are going to be. Have a look at Entitledto.co.uk to see what kind of benefits you might be able to claim.

OK once you have your SOA sorted out with your APR's you can have a play with the snowball calculator to work out which debts to pay off faster to reduce the amount of interest you are paying over all.

If you post your SOA on here people will come will a million ways to reduce your spending on all the boring things like utility's and insurance.

If you are really worried take all your paperwork for all the debts down to your local CAB office and explain the situation and they will help you negotiate with the creditors but this is when it starts messing up your credit rating. You can also look on the national debt website / give them a ring for advice too which is a lot easier once you get the paper work together they will help steer you in the right direction. Either way the SOA is the best place to start to see just where you are at.

After you've done all that you need to get a little note book and write down in it in great detail what every penny is spent on, every tenner from the cash machine, every mars bar. So then at the end of the month you can see if it tallys with what you think you are spending on things, and puts it in black and white you have a 100 quid starbucks habit (ok that's me but it is amazing what you find).

Bagpuss1973

Get the facts straight in your head...write things down if necessary about how you intend to start working towards clearing the debts - but do be realistic, don't make promises you cannot keep.

Then tell her, she probably suspects something is going on and has imagined all sorts of terrible things (which are probably alot worse than debt!).

Expect her to be a upset/angry but don't try and make excuses for it...if you spent it then you spent it but have realised your error of judgement and are now trying to sort things out.

Goodluck

Bagpussx

onedayiwill

Just to say, you are not alone. I am also struggling with telling my OH. My debt is smaller than yours but telling him makes me feel so sick. However, I now have a plan to tackle my debt, over the last month I have made good progress and I am starting to feel more confident about telling him as in addition to tell him I'm in debt, I can now also tell him "but I'm doing this, this and this to sort it".

I'll be thinking of you. If/when you tell your wife, please share with us how you do it and how she takes it. I intend to do this when tell my OH. I think it is helpful for other folk like us.

SSB

I completely agree with savingforoz, have a plan. When/if you are telling her, make sure that
1. You will not be interrupted
2. You know the exact figure and roughly how you spent the money
3. Talk about YOUR plan, then she can participate if willing. However, it will be important for her to feel that you are in charge and you are just not dumping this on her shoulders
3. Apologize profusely
4. Have tea/coffee/something stronger/hankies/chocs ready...

Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

girltuesday_2

If it were me, I'd be more angry with my husband for lying to me than I would be about the debt - so you MUST tell her!

"it might be easier to tell your partner if you can also show you are taking steps to sort the problem"

That's just what I was going to say. You also need to be prepared for questions she might ask - she'll want to know exactly what you owe, where the money went, etc.

MABLE

Yes tell her but have a financial plan in place before you say anything. Break it to your gentley and say however this is how I am going to remedy the situation.

sony_eric

thank you all for your advice, i will tell her tonight.
i cant carry on trying to cover it up anymore.