Self Respect vs Responsibility

lostinrates

BugglyB wrote: »

Mojisola: your daughter would never be attacked for 'giving out the wrong signal'. The only signal she could give out would be 'i'm sexually active and sexually available'. I have never in all my years seen anyone give out the signal 'i'm availble for non consenual sex'. This might seem like semantics, but its meaning and discourse mean a lot to survivors of sexual assault.

Perhaps part of the issue is the idea that we shou
D appear to be about sex at all at all times, including consentual. I enjoy being a sexual creature, but i don't always have to be one. I am more than just my sex, i am the person behind it, and i would hope that more girls could portray that ( while wearng their flattering bras, that is something slightly apart!) I can be as complete a woman without portraying an i am avaiable for consentual sex, while still enjoying consentual sex at other times. ( just as it is for men). Now That would really be equality!

thatgirlsam

BugglyB wrote: »

You'll be teaching your son that its not right or fair to do what?

To label girls who experiment sexually as slags or sluts.

That's how I read it anyway.

Mojisola

BugglyB wrote: »

Mojisola: your daughter would never be attacked for 'giving out the wrong signal'. The only signal she could give out would be 'i'm sexually active and sexually available'. I have never in all my years seen anyone give out the signal 'i'm availble for non consenual sex'. This might seem like semantics, but its meaning and discourse mean a lot to survivors of sexual assault.

The victim is never responsible for the perpetrator's actions.

Her safety doesn't depend on what message she thinks she's giving out - I'm young, fit, healthy and really good-looking and enjoying my evening out - it's how it's interpreted by the onlookers.

Person_one

GobbledyGook wrote: »

I think teaching children and young adults about the fact that their dress and behaviour could cause issues towards them, even though it shouldn't is just sensible parenting.

Sorry to keep repeating myself, but the problem with this is that revealing clothing does not increase your chance of being raped! Please, have a look at the Rape Crisis site I posted earlier. Its a complete myth and teaching myths to our daughters does them a huge disservice, its not sensible at all.

The only 'issues towards them' that will be caused by their clothing is judgemental attitudes, it doesn't put them at any increased physical risk.

BugglyB

!!!!!!!! to the onlookers!!! RECLAIM THE NIGHT! Women of Britain, arm your daughters!!!!

think I'd better go and have a lie down :-)

GobbledyGook

BugglyB wrote: »

You'll be teaching your son that its not right or fair to do what?

To fall into the mindset of labelling a girl (or woman as I don't think it's just a teenage issue) who is sexually active is a slag or !!!!!! or cheap in stark contrast to the treatment of boys in the same boat. It's so common in schools it's scary.

Dunroamin

aliasojo wrote: »

Forgive me for the following basic descriptions, I hope you will all understand the terms used are just for clarity on the thread.

On the whole (obviously there will be some variation) are the majority of women who are raped plain janes who wear flat brogues and knee length skirts or attractive women who dress in an attractive (possibly provocative) way?

Rather a crass question but genuinely meant....just wondering if there are any stats on stuff like this?

I came close to being attacked by a bus driver once, when I was young and yes, I was 'flaunting it' by the way I was dressed. Being naive, I had no clue that my appearance was giving off 'signals'. I was lucky, people passing saved me but I was accused of 'asking for it' by the low life who thought I was fair game.

Rape has nothing to do with physical attractiveness. In fact, rape has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with power.

Person_one

Mojisola wrote: »

The victim is never responsible for the perpetrator's actions.

Her safety doesn't depend on what message she thinks she's giving out - I'm young, fit, healthy and really good-looking and enjoying my evening out - it's how it's interpreted by the onlookers.

I think Buggly's point was that its ok to be sending the message "I'm looking for a partner for a consensual sexual relationship", that's natural, its how we get more humans, but its not the same as "Please feel free to have sex with me even if I say I don't want to."

Person_one

GobbledyGook wrote: »

To fall into the mindset of labelling a girl (or woman as I don't think it's just a teenage issue) who is sexually active is a slag or !!!!!! or cheap in stark contrast to the treatment of boys in the same boat. It's so common in schools it's scary.

Give your son a copy of this:

poet123

Dunroamin wrote: »

Rape has nothing to do with physical attractiveness. In fact, rape has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with power.

I agree, but if you put yourself in harms way by walking down the towpath late at night drunk and dressed in skimpy clothing do you not increase the risk. Never minds stats, common sense would say it is unwise.