Self Respect vs Responsibility

lostinrates

Person_one wrote: »

Not even a discussion?

You're going to appear, make vague derogatory statements about the behaviour of all young British women, refuse to clarify or back them up and disappear again?

I am happy to discuss, but not engage in an 'argument', and my sense was you were in a combative mood. As you may recall, i like a good discussion, but i feel my instinct yo not engage over this with you tonight were right. I don't feel it would be productive nor illuminating if it is combative or rude, as i feel this is becoming.

Edit...tbc, i am not meaning to be derogatory about all british women. I apologise if i did not make that clear.

poet123

I think that a lot of the young girls I come into contact with have issues with self esteem due to having no father figure. They seem to crave male attention and want it anyway they can get it. That does lead to seeming needy, and often they also give the impression that they are "available" to men because of it. Perhaps in other cultures where broken families are less common this is not as prevalent.

Mojisola

Mojisola wrote: »

I'm comparing a young man getting physically attacked to a young woman getting physically attacked.

skintchick wrote: »

Theft is not a physical assault. It is theft.

Rape is far more than a physical assault. It is a sexual violation.

When something is stolen it can be returned or replaced.

That is not applicable to rape.

Now do you get it?

I don't think you want to see anything more than your point of view. I've personally experienced what you're talking about and I can still see that we have a personal responsibility not to put ourselves in avoidable dangerous situations.

I'm not comparing a sneak theft of a possession with a violent sexual assault. I don't want to be called into hospital to see my son on life support because he walked home through a risky area rather than, say, pay for taxi any more than I want to have to comfort my daughter after a sexual attack because she gave out an unintended message. I want young men and young women to keep themselves safe by taking sensible precautions.

That won't stop all physical attacks, sexual or otherwise - sometimes you're just in the wrong place at the wrong time - but it makes sense to avoid the avoidable.

BugglyB

Problematical? Do I mean problematic? Problemical?

Person_one

BugglyB wrote: »

Problematical? Do I mean problematic? Problemical?

Problematic.

thatgirlsam

notakid wrote: »

Good point and I hate the whole WAG/TOWIE thing myself. Women who see their self worth within their appearance, but its not far of from some of the comments on here, that a women should protect herself by covering up. It seems a bit twisted to me. Clothes do not make the man!

Sometimes its just innocent, wanting to look your best, esp when young, take my daughter she always wants to buy bras that show her to the best advantage.:p Its not that she wants to impress boys but between her and her friends she has the edge of the chest area. She's not buying the bra to impress boys she is buying it to impress her friends and make herself feel good.

When we are young esp, its all new. Sometimes we just want to show off.

I do that - I'm 39

BugglyB

Mojisola: your daughter would never be attacked for 'giving out the wrong signal'. The only signal she could give out would be 'i'm sexually active and sexually available'. I have never in all my years seen anyone give out the signal 'i'm availble for non consenual sex'. This might seem like semantics, but its meaning and discourse mean a lot to survivors of sexual assault.

BugglyB

Thanks, person_one

GobbledyGook

I think teaching children and young adults about the fact that their dress and behaviour could cause issues towards them, even though it shouldn't is just sensible parenting.

I know it's massively simplifying it, but it's quite similar to the fact that when you wait at a traffic crossing and the green man comes on all cars should stop, but it's sensible to teach kids to check just in case.

We can't, and should't, be held responsible for other peoples actions and reactions, but if there is a likely response to something then it's daft not to even consider it because even if it's not a reponse you should have to deal with the fact that you will have to doesn't change.

Young women shouldn't be labelled any more than young men when it comes to sex. However it is a fact that it does happen. So as well as teaching my son that it's not right or fair to do that I'll be teaching my daughters that it does happen and unfair or not they'd have to deal with it so should take it into account.

BugglyB

You'll be teaching your son that its not right or fair to do what?