Self Respect vs Responsibility

aliasojo

Person_one wrote: »

I can understand in a way why women cling to the 'only girls dressed like tarts' get raped idea. It makes you feel safe, if it only happens to girls like that and you're not like that you should be ok, right?

Btw, I don't think that to the exclusion of all other reasons, it's just a part of the possible cause.

And regardless of any set stats, my experience supports that particular idea.

Person_one

poet123 wrote: »

Has anyone actually said that?

In as many words, and there's no denying its a common theme in any discussion of rape.

Its a completely false assumption, harmful to everybody.

Person_one

aliasojo wrote: »

Btw, I don't think that to the exclusion of all other reasons, it's just a part of the possible cause.

And regardless of any set stats, my experience supports that particular idea.

I'd be interested in hearing the experiences which have led you to a conclusion so dismissive of the overwhelming evidence!

aliasojo

Person_one wrote: »

I'd be interested in hearing the experiences which have led you to a conclusion so dismissive of the overwhelming evidence!

I mentioned my experience with the bus driver in an earlier post?

Do you need details?

I'm not dismissing anything person_one, I'm simply saying there are various causes just as there are individuality in people.

Person_one

dizziblonde wrote: »

I see nothing wrong in that - she made sure I was as safe as I could be, rather than sacrificing my safety on the altar of idealism. Never any judgement on women who DID dress in certain ways, just encouraging me to use my head and think about if I wanted to dress that way or not - I never really did to be honest, she also brought me up NOT to be a fashion sheep and to have the confidence to be different from the crowd in terms of how I dressed if I so chose.

Having a way to get home is of course always sensible, regardless of gender or what you're wearing.

Dress though, there's absolutely no evidence to support the idea that what you wear makes you any more or less safe.

The safest single thing a woman can do to prevent rape is to stay single, but nobody advises doing that just 'to make sure'!

Person_one

aliasojo wrote: »

I mentioned my experience with the bus driver in an earlier post?

Do you need details?

I'm not dismissing anything person_one, I'm simply saying there are various causes just as there are individuality in people.

Sexual harassment is not rape though, and in my experience not even sexual harassment can be prevented by wardrobe choices. I've been harassed in a McDonald's uniform, in various massive coats, whilst swimming in the sea up to my neck and while dressed as a snowman! (Not the weird sexy type of fancy dress snowman either, big and round and padded).

There are various causes for rape and sexual assault, you're absolutely right, which is partly why focusing so narrowly on dress and how 'provocative' a woman acts is so completely pointless, as well as actively harmful.

Person_one

aliasojo wrote: »

I was responding to the Saudi comment.

I'm not sure how else to phrase it.

Women are even less respected in certain foreign cultures. (Education, independence, ability to show flesh etc) compared to the Uk, so rape is less of a leap than it is here.

That's still probably phrased really badly, apologies, I'm struggling to get my thoughts over tonight.

I hope you can understand the gist.

Ah, but if covering up and dressing modestly was truly a way to stay safe (and the Saudi claim is that women are more respectable and more 'precious' when they aren't viewed by the eyes of the public) then surely it should follow that rape in Saudi should be rare?

POPPYOSCAR

notakid wrote: »

Its interesting, it seems women are their own worst enemy at times. There are a few comments on the Prom thread saying that young girls are dressing tarty and they feel congratulatory when their children pass comment sneering at the "tarts" appearance. Could it be that they may feel a little threatened by their peers with their perfect figures?;) more than the fact that they wish to appear decent?

(And I speak as one of the dumpy ones. I could never look like the perfect girls at school and my daughter who is certainly attractive but isn't a glamour puss herself)

We need as Women to pass on the right message. All we are doomed I tell you!:p

I assume you are talking about my thread and one of my posts and if so you have twisted what was said.

My daughter did not sneer at her friend, it was a comment made to her by someone else. My daughter has a beautiful figure size 10 and is very tall and yes I want her to dress decently and not wear a skirt that looks like a belt!!

aliasojo

Person_one wrote: »

Sexual harassment is not rape though......

I wasn't talking sexual harrassment, that is your assumption.

The bus was parked after reaching it's last stop, I was the last person on the bus and I was prevented from leaving.

I have no doubt I would have been raped had it not been for the people passing who saw me banging on the window.

I'm leaving this now.

Person_one

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I assume you are talking about my thread and one of my posts and if so you have twisted what was said.

My daughter did not sneer at her friend, it was a comment made to her by someone else. My daughter has a beautiful figure size 10 and is very tall and yes I want her to dress decently and not wear a skirt that looks like a belt!!

What's 'decently'?