Self Respect vs Responsibility

aliasojo

Person_one wrote: »

It seems like you're saying that they are attacked because they have something valuable on display, and that they should hide it to stay safe. Him a phone, her, herself.

Forgive me for the following basic descriptions, I hope you will all understand the terms used are just for clarity on the thread.

On the whole (obviously there will be some variation) are the majority of women who are raped plain janes who wear flat brogues and knee length skirts or attractive women who dress in an attractive (possibly provocative) way?

Rather a crass question but genuinely meant....just wondering if there are any stats on stuff like this?

I came close to being attacked by a bus driver once, when I was young and yes, I was 'flaunting it' by the way I was dressed. Being naive, I had no clue that my appearance was giving off 'signals'. I was lucky, people passing saved me but I was accused of 'asking for it' by the low life who thought I was fair game.

BugglyB

A lot of young men get raped too. Or at least inappropriately touched. What should we be teaching them - look less cute? Dont get that Justin bieber haircut? (Well actually we should tell them that anyway, lol)

Person_one

aliasojo wrote: »

On the whole (obviously there will be some variation) are the majority of women who are raped plain janes who wear flat brogues and knee length skirts or attractive women who dress in an attractive (possibly provocative) way?

Rather a crass question but genuinely meant....just wondering if there are any stats on stuff like this?

Its very hard to get stats on rape because so many go unreported or uninvestigated.

What we know for sure is that women of all ages, races, sizes etc. get raped. Even in Saudi Arabia where women must by law be completely covered in public so there can be no possible 'provocation' excuse, women are still raped, frequently.

We also know that most women who are raped know and trust their rapist. Statistically, the person you should fear most is your partner. Only 9% of rapes are by strangers on the street.

Have a look around this site.

http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/commonmyths2.php

aliasojo

Person_one wrote: »

What we know for sure is that women of all ages, races, sizes etc. get raped. Even in Saudi Arabia where women must by law be completely covered in public so there can be no possible 'provocation' excuse, women are still raped, frequently.

To be fair though, in those particular instances, isn't that down to the culture? Women are generally seen as subservient and of lesser worth to men?

I'm not sure that can be comparable to the kind of thing we're talking about here (with regard to clothing I mean).

Person_one

aliasojo wrote: »

To be fair though, in those particular instances, isn't that down to the culture? Women are generally seen as subservient and of lesser worth to men?

I'm not sure that can be comparable to the kind of thing we're talking about here (with regard to clothing I mean).

I'm not sure what you mean?

Lots of women are raped here, lots of women are raped there. I don't think the reasons behind it are any different.

I can understand in a way why women cling to the 'only girls dressed like tarts' get raped idea. It makes you feel safe, if it only happens to girls like that and you're not like that you should be ok, right?

No, it doesn't work that way. Did you look at the Rape Crisis link?

BugglyB

Aliasojo - I only know what I know through my work which I obviously can't give too many details of here. The vast majority of rape victims I see are not beautiful, polished or provoca

BugglyB

Provocative, sorry, this phone isnt working well. However I know my own experience is anecdotal. I just say it how I see it.

dizziblonde

My mum always took the line with me that, yes, in an ideal world this would be what happened, but we didn't live in an ideal world and it was only sensible to make sure I was as safe as I could be (granted she was a journalist so was always very aware of exactly what dangers lurked in the world - she used to make sure she bought my school photos "so I have a recent photo of you to give the police if you ever get kidnapped"!)

I was always taught to be sensible with expensive items that might attract attention, to think what messages I might be sending off and if they were what I WANTED to say in how I dressed (granted I was a teenage goth for most of my youth so wasn't exactly wearing strappy tops and short skirts) and I was always taught to make sure that the first thing I did on a night out was to put the money for my taxi fare home in a separate bit of my purse or bag to make sure I didn't spend it.

I see nothing wrong in that - she made sure I was as safe as I could be, rather than sacrificing my safety on the altar of idealism. Never any judgement on women who DID dress in certain ways, just encouraging me to use my head and think about if I wanted to dress that way or not - I never really did to be honest, she also brought me up NOT to be a fashion sheep and to have the confidence to be different from the crowd in terms of how I dressed if I so chose.

poet123

Person_one wrote: »

I'm not sure what you mean?

Lots of women are raped here, lots of women are raped there. I don't think the reasons behind it are any different.

I can understand in a way why women cling to the 'only girls dressed like tarts' get raped idea. It makes you feel safe, if it only happens to girls like that and you're not like that you should be ok, right?

No, it doesn't work that way. Did you look at the Rape Crisis link?

Has anyone actually said that?

aliasojo

Person_one wrote: »

I'm not sure what you mean?

I was responding to the Saudi comment.

I'm not sure how else to phrase it.

Women are even less respected in certain foreign cultures. (Education, independence, ability to show flesh etc) compared to the Uk, so rape is less of a leap than it is here.

That's still probably phrased really badly, apologies, I'm struggling to get my thoughts over tonight.

I hope you can understand the gist.