Self Respect vs Responsibility

Person_one

poet123 wrote: »

Person_One believes that is an unacceptable viewpoint which condones domestic violence.

If we're going to have the whole argument again lets at least be accurate.

In a thread a while back I mentioned the fact that women are far more likely than men are to be victims of domestic violence.

Poet's response was: "bad boys are popular, hadn't you heard?"

Yes, I do believe that's a disgusting and unacceptable thing to say, still.

POPPYOSCAR

Well I do not really want get into an argument about it, suffice to say that domestic violence can never be condoned either by a man or a women.

But you have to wonder why some continue to put themselves in an abusive situation time and time again, and worse still, their children.

BugglyB

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Well I do not really want get into an argument about it, suffice to say that domestic violence can never be condoned either by a man or a women.

But you have to wonder why some continue to put themselves in an abusive situation time and time again, and worse still, their children.

No, you don't. There is a lot of clinical research into these very issues.

poet123

Person_one wrote: »

If we're going to have the whole argument again lets at least be accurate.

In a thread a while back I mentioned the fact that women are far more likely than men are to be victims of domestic violence.

Poet's response was: "bad boys are popular, hadn't you heard?"

Yes, I do believe that's a disgusting and unacceptable thing to say, still.

It was said in the context of my explanation as above. I stand by that explanation, for the reasons PoppyOscar has given.

I am less clear why you felt it necessary to refer to it last night, and imply that I condone domestic violence. I would actually have expected better from you, I would not have thought you needed to sink to that level in an attempt to point score.

Especially when you didn't address the questions in my last post to you. Or actually I am very clear why you referred to it. Deflection technique I think you would call it. It was very underhanded and childish, but I suspect you know that already.

lostinrates

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Well I do not really want get into an argument about it, suffice to say that domestic violence can never be condoned either by a man or a women.

But you have to wonder why some continue to put themselves in an abusive situation time and time again, and worse still, their children.

Anyone can do it once or twice, and infact, i would argue that the way we present ourselves and behave can lead us to be treated as doormats by those around us, including our partners. Leaving bad boys for a nice man was the best thing i ever, ever did.

And that is part of the problem...i agree very strongly with those saying education of men and boys is a HUGE part of the battle against any form of abusive interaction, but its one of the things that makes it so hard for men. I think its clear that a lot of men feel unattractiveto women, perhaps more young women but i don't know about that yet, if they are 'cheeky' or 'bad boys'. Its funny that a lot of my girl friends who could not understand the appeal of dh when we were in our early twenties are now whinging that they cannot find a man like him. I think there are plenty of great men about, and more who would make good partners if the woman clearly drew a line in the sand.

I have unwittingly but not grudingly become a support for a freind who is in the very early stages of separation, and the thngs she used to find attractive i now see being used against her. I also see what i had admirted as her being enviably laid back and relaxed and patient over has actually created a situation where her rights are diminished. As far as i know her partner has not been either sexually or physically aggresive but the manipulation and self righteous ness is another symptom, imo, of 'power'.

While i wholeheartedly accept the power as a motivator i do not believe it always stands alone. I think very few emotions or traights do.

Person_one

poet123 wrote: »

It was said in the context of my explanation as above. I stand by that explanation, for the reasons PoppyOscar has given.

I am less clear why you felt it necessary to refer to it last night, and imply that I condone domestic violence. I would actually have expected better from you, I would not have thought you needed to sink to that level in an attempt to point score.

Especially when you didn't address the questions in my last post to you. Or actually I am very clear why you referred to it. Deflection technique I think you would call it. It was very underhanded and childish, but I suspect you know that already.

I think its relevant to the discussion, it leads to a slightly different reading of some of your posts, its always good to have a bit of background. I don't mind if you want to try and 'point score' using any of my old posts.

I answered your question several times, you just didn't like the answer.

Person_one

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Well I do not really want get into an argument about it, suffice to say that domestic violence can never be condoned either by a man or a women.

But you have to wonder why some continue to put themselves in an abusive situation time and time again, and worse still, their children.

Its because they are victims. Domestic abusers are master manipulators and controllers.

poet123

Person_one wrote: »

I think its relevant to the discussion, it leads to a slightly different reading of some of your posts, its always good to have a bit of background. I don't mind if you want to try and 'point score' using any of my old posts.

I answered your question several times, you just didn't like the answer.

No, you answered a question close to the one I asked, one which was easier to answer, not quite the same;)

I am quite happy to stand behind any of my posts I only post what I actually think or believe, therefore, there will rarely be a difference between threads if they touch on the same subject.

There was no relevance to DV in any of the posts I made, you brought it to the table in attempt to discredit me. I suspect that others actually thought it reflected more on you than me, judging by a couple of PM's. I felt you let yourself down actually.

lostinrates

I wonder, ladies, if we might move on from the winky comments and pas des deux?

I personally have found points raised by both of you to be thought provoking and well presented, for which i am grateful.

poet123

lostinrates wrote: »

I wonder, ladies, if we might move on from the winky comments and pas des deux?

I personally have found points raised by both of you to be thought provoking and well presented, for which i am grateful.

And I you, and PoppyOscar and PO, however ( and I know it is not particularly pleasant for others on the thread to have to read) I really could not let that implication stand or pass without comment. I am sure you understand why? It is done now as far as I am concerned.

Debate usually flows better if all sides adhere to a level of fair play I find.