Self Respect vs Responsibility

POPPYOSCAR

aliasojo wrote: »

It's character I think.

Just as there are 'A' type personalities and 'B' types, there are risk takers and risk avoiders. Entrepreneurs and quiet happy librarians (I couldn't think of an 'opposite' to entrepreneur :rotfl:).

Point is, we all just do what we have to do to get through life in a way that fits us best.

Yes.

Strangely enough though I do run my own business and so I am a risk taker from that point of view but not so much in other areas of my life. I am not one for diving off a cliff or bungee jumping etc!!

thatgirlsam

aliasojo wrote: »

Yet.

That could change with age.

:rotfl:

What! No way.. I have great plans for my old age!

You can get away with loads when you're a sweet old lady

Shoplifting, swearing, drinking whisky in the day

Can't wait

lostinrates

aliasojo wrote: »

This may be totally off the wall and completely irrelevant but humour me for a minute please?

It crossed my mind that I was less 'cynical' or 'realistic' when I was younger and I possibly wouldn't have held the same views as I do today.

I think life experience shapes my opinions more than stats do and I just wondered if there was any difference in opinion that might be attributable in some way to age?

Is it possible the younger ones amongst us (maybe 35 ish and below?) are among the more idealistic group and the older ones (maybe 45 ish and above?) are less idealistic?

No idea where to put the 35-45's mind. :rotfl:

Or is that thought just a load of rubbish?

Hurrah, i have found a measure By which i am 'young'. I am unde thirtyfive. My experience is drawn from when i was much younger.

I am awed by how open some of you are being.

poet123

gwhizz75 wrote: »

I don't really think it's as simple as saying "rape is rape" because actually, I don't think that all "types of rape" are the same and I don't think all rapists are the same or have the same motivations.

To me, there is a difference between a husband who rapes his wife, a man who hides in a bush and rapes a stranger walking home on her own, and a man who drunkenly goes home with a woman and doesn't stop when she changes her mind and says no. I'm not saying that any of these rapes are more or less serious than the other, but I think that saying "rape is rape" is too simplistic.

I had a bad experience when I was 15 and on holiday with a friend and her family. We snuck out in the night, went to a club and got very drunk and I somehow ended up on a deserted beach with a guy on top of me. I was so drunk that I was kind of falling in and out of sleep but I just remember opening my eyes as he was opening a condom packet. Luckily, at that moment I heard my friend shouting my name and I got out of the situation but it could easily have ended very differently.

His actions were very wrong - I was underage and he could clearly see I was so drunk that I didn't have the capacity to consent. However, just because his actions were wrong, does not mean that my own actions weren't stupid or irresponsible. I SHOULD be able to get as drunk as I like, and I SHOULD be able to go to the beach with a guy at night with no fear of being raped... but unfortunately that's not reality and I don't see how burying your head in the sand and saying "I should, therefore I will" really helps anyone.

We all do things to protect ourselves from crime, and rape is no different. I don't really think clothes come into it too much, I think it's more to do with how you act than how you dress. Don't walk home on your own in the dark, don't get so drunk that you lose control, don't go anywhere alone with a man who you don't know. These kind of "rules" will protect you from getting into a situation like the one I described and I would certainly be telling my daughter to follow them.

It's not fair, and yes we should be trying to stop men raping rather than focussing on trying to get women to lower their risk of being attacked, but in reality, we aren't there yet and in the mean time, if there are steps you can take to lower your risk, why wouldn't you do that?

I agree completely, I am not in the camp who says it is not fair I will do it anyway. I may do it, but if I do it I will have assessed the risks and minimised them as much as possible. I wouldn't say I was the quiet Librarian type, I have to be quite assertive to do my job, especially at 5ft 1"!!;) but I don't run headlong into danger either.

I think there is a middle ground which may just ensure I come to no great harm. I may be unlucky, plenty of women ( and men) are simply in the wrong place at the wrong time and do come to harm.

thatgirlsam

poet123 wrote: »

I agree completely, I am not in the camp who says it is not fair I will do it anyway. I may do it, but if I do it I will have assessed the risks and minimised them as much as possible. I wouldn't say I was the quiet Librarian type, I have to be quite assertive to do my job, especially at 5ft 1"!!;) but I don't run headlong into danger either.

I think there is a middle ground which may just ensure I come to no great harm. I may be unlucky, plenty of women ( and men) are simply in the wrong place at the wrong time and do come to harm.

I don't doubt there is danger (in everything we do!). The point is, deciding how much danger there is and wether it is reality or perceived danger. And wether you will allow it to affect your life, as in you change the way you would usually act, because of the danger you perceive. It's a little illogical.

I read recently that the biggest danger to your teenage girls is allowing them to go in the car with their teenage boyfriends driving :eek:

But most of us wouldn't stop this. Wierd.

lostinrates

thatgirlsam wrote: »

I don't doubt there is danger (in everything we do!). The point is, deciding how much danger there is and wether it is reality or perceived danger. And wether you will allow it to affect your life, as in you change the way you would usually act, because of the danger you perceive. It's a little illogical.

I read recently that the biggest danger to your teenage girls is allowing them to go in the car with their teenage boyfriends driving :eek:

But most of us wouldn't stop this. Wierd.

I can well believe this.....i live in a rural place near a town where young men come to rag their cars some times and come off theroas often and where there was rape in my road shortly after i moved here. and i can certainly say if i had a daughter i would if not stop then limit this, and my reasoning would not just be about sexual pressure or assault by any means.

In fact, one of my direct personal experiences is not so far from that scenario.

aliasojo

lostinrates wrote: »

Hurrah, i have found a measure By which i am 'young'. I am unde thirtyfive.

:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

Nooooo, you can't be.

In my head, you are older.

How dare you not be as I imagined. :rotfl:

lostinrates

aliasojo wrote: »

:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

Nooooo, you can't be.

In my head, you are older.

How dare you not be as I imagined. :rotfl:

didyou think i had nice white hair and was a nice old lady?

I am thirty three i think. I have been married since midtwenties, whoch is quite aging though:eek::D and ill since i think twenty three or four, which is more so:rotfl::rotfl:

thatgirlsam

lostinrates wrote: »

didyou think i had nice white hair and was a nice old lady?

I am thirty three i think. I have been married since midtwenties, whoch is quite aging though:eek::D and ill since i think twenty three or four, which is more so:rotfl::rotfl:

:rotfl::rotfl:

It's stuff like that which makes people think you're older

lostinrates

thatgirlsam wrote: »

:rotfl::rotfl:

It's stuff like that which makes people think you're older

Well, have a nuerological condition,and find remembering details like that hard.so i just counted my ag from my birthday, whch i do not forget, and yes, i am thirty three.:D