Self Respect vs Responsibility

poet123

skintchick wrote: »

But the point is that such a situation does not make rape more likely.

Possibly it might make some kinds of sexual assault more likely but it will not make rape more likely because most rapes are not committed in those kinds of circumstances.

It's a shame you and others do not seem to be able to understand this important point.

If we continue to peddle the myth that only drunken slappers in dark isolated places get raped then we continue to condone those men who rape in the very different circumstances people including myself have already explained. And by doing that, we also continue to apportion some or even all of the blame to the woman. This is what is meant by rape culture.

Who exactly peddles this myth? Who has said that only those in that category get raped? Some of those in that category may do (although I personally would never categorise anyone in that way) equally, some young, vulnerable, non streetwise girl may do. Either way it is the job of a parent to caution against inviting trouble by not taking common sense safety precautions.

As has been said, this is applicable to boys too.

The job of parents of boys is to ensure that they know that no, means no, and that any sexual activity is consensual, and that to get themselves in a state where they may misinterpret signals is just as bad as females putting themselves at risk. I drummed it into my boys that it is their responsibility to make sure they can always get home, defend themselves and have safe sex.

None of that negates the very real understanding that rape happens to all classes, all types of women, and in many different situations, and when it does the blame lies squarely with the rapist.

skintchick

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

When I was living on my own I was out with a group of friends one night and one of them gave me a lift home. It was very late and he was tired so I said he could stay the night in a spare room.

In the middle of the night he came into my room and tried to have sex with me. I had to fight him off and thankfully in the end he got the message and left.

He should never have done this, I did not think he would do such a thing, but he did.

Needless to say I never put myself in that position again.

So you had to curtail perfectly reasonable activities such as having a male friend to stay over, for fear of being raped, because you feel your actions were somehow to blame.

That is living in a rape culture.

poet123

skintchick wrote: »

So you had to curtail perfectly reasonable activities such as having a male friend to stay over, for fear of being raped.

That is living in a rape culture.

Such is life though.

I had a similar incident happen to me. What do you suggest we should have done? Not learned from the experience so that we could sit back and say we will not live in a rape culture? (I disagree with your premise by the way)

Or use common sense and try to avoid it happening again?

It is very much like cutting your nose off to spite your face imo.

It is what it is, yes, it is wrong, but we have to deal in reality not utopian dreams.

POPPYOSCAR

skintchick wrote: »

So you had to curtail perfectly reasonable activities such as having a male friend to stay over, for fear of being raped.

That is living in a rape culture.

Yes.

I came so close to being raped that night as he was very strong, thankfully he came to his senses but it could easily have gone the other way.

And no it is not living in a rape culture, it is facing up to the reality of what could happen, chances are the next man would not be the same but I was not prepared to personally take that chance again.

aliasojo

This may be totally off the wall and completely irrelevant but humour me for a minute please?

It crossed my mind that I was less 'cynical' or 'realistic' when I was younger and I possibly wouldn't have held the same views as I do today.

I think life experience shapes my opinions more than stats do and I just wondered if there was any difference in opinion that might be attributable in some way to age?

Is it possible the younger ones amongst us (maybe 35 ish and below?) are among the more idealistic group and the older ones (maybe 45 ish and above?) are less idealistic?

No idea where to put the 35-45's mind. :rotfl:

Or is that thought just a load of rubbish?

Mojisola

skintchick wrote: »

That is living in a rape culture.

I don't understand this mentality. I haven't let my life be defined by what happened to me. The majority of men are good people. If I had been left feeling that most of them were potential rapists, I would see that as a problem with my views, not reality.

BugglyB

poet123 wrote: »

Such is life though.

I had a similar incident happen to me. What do you suggest we should have done?

Perhaps walked home on your own, might have been safer.

BugglyB

poet123 wrote: »

The job of parents of boys is to ensure that they know that no, means no, and that any sexual activity is consensual, and that to get themselves in a state where they may misinterpret signals is just as bad as females putting themselves at risk. I drummed it into my boys that it is their responsibility to make sure they can always get home, defend themselves and have safe sex.

None of that negates the very real understanding that rape happens to all classes, all types of women, and in many different situations, and when it does the blame lies squarely with the rapist.

Its also important that boys know that boys can be raped and sexually assaulted too and theres no shame in that.

I think generally as long as you have a culture of openess and willingness to talk about off limits subjects within the home you should be ok, right?

poet123

BugglyB wrote: »

Perhaps walked home on your own, might have been safer.

So, are you blaming me then?

POPPYOSCAR

aliasojo wrote: »

This may be totally off the wall and completely irrelevant but humour me for a minute please?

It crossed my mind that I was less 'cynical' or 'realistic' when I was younger and I possibly wouldn't have held the same views as I do today.

I think life experience shapes my opinions more than stats do and I just wondered if there was any difference in opinion that might be attributable in some way to age?

Is it possible the younger ones amongst us (maybe 35 ish and below?) are among the more idealistic group and the older ones (maybe 45 ish and above?) are less idealistic?

No idea where to put the 35-45's mind. :rotfl:

Or is that thought just a load of rubbish?

I think you could be right there.