Self Respect vs Responsibility

thatgirlsam

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

That is great for you.

I do not have to walk home on my own so I choose not to.

I have never been assaulted by a taxi driver so I will continue to use them.Not sure many people have tbh.

For me it is all about risk reduction.

It's about your perceived risk reduction, fair enough

Plenty of women have been assaulted by taxi drivers. Because you haven't, you perceive this as a low risk.

I've not been assaulted when walking alone, however I don't think this is why I continue to do so.

I have been assaulted in a nightclub. A really busy one. I still go to nightclubs though

aliasojo

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

For me it is all about risk reduction.

I agree.

I think it's great for an adult to choose their own way, (no matter whether their choice is based on idealism, realism or any other kind of 'ism' ) but for a youngster, I'm not sure they have enough wisdom or life experience to be able to make good choices.

So until my daughter reaches an age where she is able to, I will be continuing to advise her the best way I can.

thatgirlsam

aliasojo wrote: »

I agree.

I think it's great for an adult to choose their own way, (no matter whether their choice is based on idealism, realism or any other kind of 'ism' ) but for a youngster, I'm not sure they have enough wisdom or life experience to be able to make good choices.

So until my daughter reaches an age where she is able to, I will be continuing to advise her the best way I can.

Yes, I advise my daughter too. Where we live there are always groups of teenagers/hoodies etc hanging out by the shop, she was a bit worried about walking past them

I wonder wether people think I should have perceived this situation as a risk to her and advised her to avoid.

I just cannot let this happen though. So the advice I gave her was to walk tall, head up and be confident. You could even smile or nod if they look at you!

I can't let her life be impinged (?) by others!

gwhizz75

I don't really think it's as simple as saying "rape is rape" because actually, I don't think that all "types of rape" are the same and I don't think all rapists are the same or have the same motivations.

To me, there is a difference between a husband who rapes his wife, a man who hides in a bush and rapes a stranger walking home on her own, and a man who drunkenly goes home with a woman and doesn't stop when she changes her mind and says no. I'm not saying that any of these rapes are more or less serious than the other, but I think that saying "rape is rape" is too simplistic.

I had a bad experience when I was 15 and on holiday with a friend and her family. We snuck out in the night, went to a club and got very drunk and I somehow ended up on a deserted beach with a guy on top of me. I was so drunk that I was kind of falling in and out of sleep but I just remember opening my eyes as he was opening a condom packet. Luckily, at that moment I heard my friend shouting my name and I got out of the situation but it could easily have ended very differently.

His actions were very wrong - I was underage and he could clearly see I was so drunk that I didn't have the capacity to consent. However, just because his actions were wrong, does not mean that my own actions weren't stupid or irresponsible. I SHOULD be able to get as drunk as I like, and I SHOULD be able to go to the beach with a guy at night with no fear of being raped... but unfortunately that's not reality and I don't see how burying your head in the sand and saying "I should, therefore I will" really helps anyone.

We all do things to protect ourselves from crime, and rape is no different. I don't really think clothes come into it too much, I think it's more to do with how you act than how you dress. Don't walk home on your own in the dark, don't get so drunk that you lose control, don't go anywhere alone with a man who you don't know. These kind of "rules" will protect you from getting into a situation like the one I described and I would certainly be telling my daughter to follow them.

It's not fair, and yes we should be trying to stop men raping rather than focussing on trying to get women to lower their risk of being attacked, but in reality, we aren't there yet and in the mean time, if there are steps you can take to lower your risk, why wouldn't you do that?

POPPYOSCAR

aliasojo wrote: »

I agree.

I think it's great for an adult to choose their own way, (no matter whether their choice is based on idealism, realism or any other kind of 'ism' ) but for a youngster, I'm not sure they have enough wisdom or life experience to be able to make good choices.

So until my daughter reaches an age where she is able to, I will be continuing to advise her the best way I can.

Yes, me to.

I never want to have to say "If only......"

POPPYOSCAR

thatgirlsam wrote: »

Yes, I advise my daughter too. Where we live there are always groups of teenagers/hoodies etc hanging out by the shop, she was a bit worried about walking past them

I wonder wether people think I should have perceived this situation as a risk to her and advised her to avoid.

I just cannot let this happen though. So the advice I gave her was to walk tall, head up and be confident. You could even smile or nod if they look at you!

I can't let her life be impinged (?) by others!

No I would not perceive this as a risk to her unless she was on her own, late at night, and no one else was around.

aliasojo

thatgirlsam wrote: »

I can't let her life be impinged (?) by others!

It's character I think.

Just as there are 'A' type personalities and 'B' types, there are risk takers and risk avoiders. Entrepreneurs and quiet happy librarians (I couldn't think of an 'opposite' to entrepreneur :rotfl:).

Point is, we all just do what we have to do to get through life in a way that fits us best.

thatgirlsam

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

No I would not perceive this as a risk to her unless she was on her own, late at night, and no one else was around.

She is tucked up in bed late at night, she is 12

But when she's old enough? Hell yeah, if you want to go to the shop, then go to the shop, even if it is late at night. Why should she feel scared to go to the shop?? That's not the life I want for her.

thatgirlsam

aliasojo wrote: »

It's character I think.

Just as there are 'A' type personalities and 'B' types, there are risk takers and risk avoiders. Entrepreneurs and quiet happy librarians (I couldn't think of an 'opposite' to entrepreneur :rotfl:).

Point is, we all just do what we have to do to get through life in a way that fits us best.

Absolutley right

I aint a quiet happy librarian, thats for sure

aliasojo

thatgirlsam wrote: »

I aint a quiet happy librarian, thats for sure

Yet.

That could change with age.