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I'm at the end of my tether!!
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no he will be too blame, there are loads of young adults at uni that have to pay their own way as they dont get any financial support from their parents, you son has been very lucky he got an allowance, what will he do when the bank refuse to give him any money and he cant get any from you ? he will get a jobHe will drop out of uni and blame me
Sounds like your son has no motivation, if he dont have it now how is he going to get it within the next year when he graduates and then has to look for a job, no job, no money, no moving out
Tough love is what is needed and you have to do it and be strong
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Penny_Watcher wrote: »The Little *&%$£@d :mad:
I'm tempted to say "So what" if he wants to drop out. He can blame you all he likes, but it's not your fault - it's his.
My kids could blame me for the bad weather today, or that the sun rises in the morning, or that the sea is cold. Blame only counts when it's actually your fault. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Accept this. (((((hugs)))))
Can you drop the price of your house to get the sale moving on?
Does your OH know how you feel? If not, it's time for the "Unless The Little *&%$£@d moves out/gets job/pulls his socks up it will be the end of our marriage." And put the blame on Sonny Boy
I think for your own good you need to emotionally withdraw from the situation. At 19 you're not responsible for your son's debts. You're not bound to put a roof over his head. If he wants to flunk out of Uni it'll be his life he's wasting NOT YOURS. You certainly don't need to clean up after him and cook his meals (this also goes for OH).
I know this goes against every instinct as a mother and wife, but enough is enough now. They've abused your good nature for too long and it's time for a change.
If you're leaving anyway then start thinking about what needs to happen next.
Sell the house.
Divorce.
Independence.
New Life
The house is reasonably priced and it is the jokers that have come around gushing then doing nothing that is doing my nut. I doubt the price would make a difference.
I am only keeping the place nice because we are selling, believe me it grates me having to do it too:(
I would leave now and have a plan when the place sells - too scared in case son trashes it whilst OH at work by having his bum mates round.
He is adamant he wants to move out. I want the savings I have given him back as he squandered some in the summer and now has an OD. He can have his car but I bet he has to sell it to survive. Not my problem.
He has treated us all like dirt and blames us. I don't want him squandering any more of the savings we put in since birth on trash.An average day in my life:hello: :eek::mad: :coffee::coffee::coffee::T :rotfl: :rotfl: :eek::mad: :beer:
I am no expert in property but have lived in many types of homes, in many locations and can only talk from experience.0 -
Hi CC
My thoughts are with you. My son is much worst than yours. He today stole £40 from his nan. Last week he stole all the credit on my phone. He lies about everything and borrows money from others who would beat him to a plup if not repaid. He is always stoned and he also delivers the stuff. Employment wise he has had four jobs in nearly two years, not of which have lasted a month and he has been sacked from all four.
Thinking of you.
BE STRONG
mm X
Sorry to hear about that
My son is more sly.
My family were not supportive before but at least my mother is sick of it now - only taken 19 years. Now I need my OH to get his act together.An average day in my life:hello: :eek::mad: :coffee::coffee::coffee::T :rotfl: :rotfl: :eek::mad: :beer:
I am no expert in property but have lived in many types of homes, in many locations and can only talk from experience.0 -
have you thought about family counselling? It may be a way of getting neutral space where you're not the one having to make all the hard decisions and where your OH can see that not backing you up in public doesnt help matters. Is there anything that happened 3 years ago for your son to change so much? He needs some lessons in debt management, to him £250 probably doesn't seem a lot but it's the start of a trend that's the worrying thing. It may be worth speaking to the bank to see if they'll stop his overdraft...0
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have you thought about family counselling? It may be a way of getting neutral space where you're not the one having to make all the hard decisions and where your OH can see that not backing you up in public doesnt help matters. Is there anything that happened 3 years ago for your son to change so much? He needs some lessons in debt management, to him £250 probably doesn't seem a lot but it's the start of a trend that's the worrying thing. It may be worth speaking to the bank to see if they'll stop his overdraft...
Counselling - I have had it alone and it was great
My OH kept ranting when we went as a couple.
As you say, frittering away 3K savings and an overdraft of an extra £230 this month is scaring me.
He left school 3 years ago and started uni.An average day in my life:hello: :eek::mad: :coffee::coffee::coffee::T :rotfl: :rotfl: :eek::mad: :beer:
I am no expert in property but have lived in many types of homes, in many locations and can only talk from experience.0 -
I hadn't read all the thread when I posted but have now read all the bits in between... one thing that strikes me is that you left home at a young age and are fiercely independent. This isn't a criticism of you just an observation - you seem to resent that your son isn't the same but I can tell you from my limited experience of teenagers that your son's attitude to a certain extent is more common than yours.Counselling - I have had it alone and it was great
My OH kept ranting when we went as a couple.
As you say, frittering away 3K savings and an overdraft of an extra £230 this month is scaring me.
He left school 3 years ago and started uni.0 -
I hadn't read all the thread when I posted but have now read all the bits in between... one thing that strikes me is that you left home at a young age and are fiercely independent. This isn't a criticism of you just an observation - you seem to resent that your son isn't the same but I can tell you from my limited experience of teenagers that your son's attitude to a certain extent is more common than yours.
There was no way I could live with my mum any longer and did what I could to get away.
He hates the rules too but doing nothing about it.
I don't mind him living with us but he disrupts our life with his hours and blames us for being angry with him.An average day in my life:hello: :eek::mad: :coffee::coffee::coffee::T :rotfl: :rotfl: :eek::mad: :beer:
I am no expert in property but have lived in many types of homes, in many locations and can only talk from experience.0 -
I have a 19 year old DD and a 21 year old DS, DS is away at uni, DD lives here since she packed in uni and got a job. I am lucky that they are good kids but they sometimes do things I don't really approve of, I pick my battles and bite my tongue for the things that are not going to do any lasting damage, for example DD has just discovered that it's nice to have a clean and tidy room with a wardrobe organised and ready to wear, it drove DH mad but I just ignored it. I pay my DS an allowance for uni but it's on the understanding that he works too and doesn't run up debts at the bank or on credit cards, my DD had the same deal when a student, now she is working I take board from her.
I think the savings thing is a problem for the OP, anyone paying into a Child Trust Fund for their LO please take note, 18 year olds with a lump sum available are likely to "squander" it on things their paerents don't approve of but if it's in their name at the bank there is nothing you can do about it.
In the OP's position I would have a strong chat with DH and together issue the rules of life in the household for the son, if he dosen't like it he can find out for sure how hard the world is. If DH isn't on side maybe it's time to walk away and look after yourself.
Hope that doesn't sound too harsh, I would be heartbroken if my two were behaving like this and it's not always down to the parents and how they have brought up their children.0 -
nearlyrich wrote: »I have a 19 year old DD and a 21 year old DS, DS is away at uni, DD lives here since she packed in uni and got a job. I am lucky that they are good kids but they sometimes do things I don't really approve of, I pick my battles and bite my tongue for the things that are not going to do any lasting damage, for example DD has just discovered that it's nice to have a clean and tidy room with a wardrobe organised and ready to wear, it drove DH mad but I just ignored it. I pay my DS an allowance for uni but it's on the understanding that he works too and doesn't run up debts at the bank or on credit cards, my DD had the same deal when a student, now she is working I take board from her.
I think the savings thing is a problem for the OP, anyone paying into a Child Trust Fund for their LO please take note, 18 year olds with a lump sum available are likely to "squander" it on things their paerents don't approve of but if it's in their name at the bank there is nothing you can do about it.
In the OP's position I would have a strong chat with DH and together issue the rules of life in the household for the son, if he dosen't like it he can find out for sure how hard the world is. If DH isn't on side maybe it's time to walk away and look after yourself.
Hope that doesn't sound too harsh, I would be heartbroken if my two were behaving like this and it's not always down to the parents and how they have brought up their children.
The house is on the market and once it is sold, I will have choices
I tried to do the best for him and didn't spoil him.
I never got any help when I was young with savings.An average day in my life:hello: :eek::mad: :coffee::coffee::coffee::T :rotfl: :rotfl: :eek::mad: :beer:
I am no expert in property but have lived in many types of homes, in many locations and can only talk from experience.0 -
what choices do you have in mind?
Is your marriage that bad?0
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