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I'm at the end of my tether!!
Comments
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he sounds like a complete layabout,
kick him out so he can learn about life and respect.
he may grow into a spoilt sponger who sits on his backside all day while we(taxpayers) fund his lazyness.
be strong with him.No Unapproved or Personal links in signatures please - FT30 -
Would they agree to go to family counselling? Relate does this in some areas.0
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Hi
As harsh as it is but.... STOP... I have many years of experience working with young people and sometimes only tough love will do. At the moment, why would he change? He is old enough to take responsibility for his own actions, why would you accommodate his irresponsible lifestyle?
It is sometimes easy to fall into a pattern of talking tough, feeling depressed, not taking action and the vicious circle just carries on.
It is time for you to concentrate on your own life, in most cases young people sort out their own life when there is no one else to sort it out for them. In the long run, it will be really good for him since he will be able to live independently and be responsible for his own actions.SSB
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He is 19 and been acting like a jerk for 3 years now.
He isn't working and just uses his money for pleasure.
I have stopped his allowance and got his card from the savings account. My mother wants paying for the car she bought him.
My husband just starts on me rather than sorting him out.
Wow... you could be talking about my brother & parents a few years ago!
My parents constantly bailed him out from sheer fear of the trouble he might cause for himself and his future.. (i.e repeatedly taxing & insuring his car because he would just drive it illegally otherwise! paying his parking fines & speeding fines so that he didnt end up in court) he ran up debts 5 years ago which he will still be paying off in 5 years time (why on earth Barclays were allowed to lend him £10,000 when what he was earning didnt cover the minimum repayments is beyond me !) Not to mention the credit cards etc...
It took him until he was about 24/5 to finally realise the error of his ways, grow up (a bit) and stop being such an unbearable sh*t.
My Dad always refused to get involved so it always ended up with my poor mum on the receiving end of my brothers abuse & constant nightmares! I honestly believe that this made my brother even worse - tackling somethig like this needs a united front - my mum still gets upset when we discuss this subject and the total lack of support from my Dad (who hates confrontation).
I really feel for your situation. Maybe you need to help him grow up a bit... make life hard for him. Everyone has breaking point.... what would need to change for him to get a job and starting acting like a grown-up? Do you shop, cook, clean etc for him? What about charging him some rent or asking for a contribution towards bills? Doing all this will also help prepare him for the 'real' world... he may find it a really big shock otherwise.
Def dont start the allowance again and dont give him access to the savings - if there is an easy way out it will be taken. If he wont pay your mum for the car then cant you just sell it? It doesnt belong to him if he hasnt paid for it.
oh... and be prepared for it to get worse (possibly much worse) before it gets better. But he will grow out of it eventually - and I think the harder you are on him now the better person he'll be at the end of it.
Good luck!0 -
heres an idea
Take away every electical item from his bedroom and store it
Take away all luxuries
Give him minimal food - sandwiches for lunch etc
Give him a week to find a job and tell him if he hasnt got one you will stop feeding him
Once he has a job and pays you for his food and lodgings he can have back his electical luxuries etc and decent meals
If he hasnt got a job by then tell him he is out!
Without his luxuries he will probably (or not) do something about it
Good luck0 -
The car is in his name, he used to be well behaved so gave him just enough to get to uni, nothing more but he's running up an overdraft. He used his savings in the summer.
He has been driving for two years and not looked for work.
I feel I will be running away if I leave - I will not be driven out
I will leave when the place is sold
My OH keeps saying what do we want?
I say for our son to grow up, get a PT job and give our money back that is left plus the 2K he squandered in the summer and stop building the student overdraft.An average day in my life:hello: :eek::mad: :coffee::coffee::coffee::T
:rotfl: :rotfl: 
:eek::mad: :beer:
I am no expert in property but have lived in many types of homes, in many locations and can only talk from experience.0 -
Our son just bums around with his scrounging mates who are using him.
He wants to move out - he blames me.
I have been trying to sort it but been undermined by my family.An average day in my life:hello: :eek::mad: :coffee::coffee::coffee::T :rotfl: :rotfl: :eek::mad: :beer:
I am no expert in property but have lived in many types of homes, in many locations and can only talk from experience.0 -
We stopped the savings access in November but he has just transferred it to building an overdraft in his current account.
At least my mother supports me now.
I don't do much cleaning just basics as we are selling the house and want it to a decent standard. I cook anyway, so just a bit extra for son.
I feel my OH isn't harsh enough and I'm being seen as the bad guy
It is going to break our marriage up as I feel undermined all the time.An average day in my life:hello: :eek::mad: :coffee::coffee::coffee::T :rotfl: :rotfl: :eek::mad: :beer:
I am no expert in property but have lived in many types of homes, in many locations and can only talk from experience.0 -
What do you think of the suggestions that have been made like cutting off his allowance and reducing 'household services'?I am not stubborn. I am merely correct.0
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What do you think of the suggestions that have been made like cutting off his allowance and reducing 'household services'?
Tried that - certainly cutting off his allowance but you know what will happen now
He will drop out of uni and blame me
A waste of three years already - he has one more to goAn average day in my life:hello: :eek::mad: :coffee::coffee::coffee::T :rotfl: :rotfl: :eek::mad: :beer:
I am no expert in property but have lived in many types of homes, in many locations and can only talk from experience.0
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